The World As It Is, or As It Ought to Be?

Last updated on: April 25, 2015 at 4:38 am by Coleman Glenn

The World As It Is, or As It Ought to Be? 2015-04-25T04:38:39-07:00 Coleman Glenn

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Anne and I have identified a fundamental difference in the way we look at the world – a difference that ends up being behind a significant percentage of our disagreements and arguments. In simplest terms, the difference is this: I tend to look at the world as it is, and Anne tends to look at the world as it ought to be. This isn’t to claim I have any special insight into the way the world works. It’s also not to say that Anne is naive, or that I lack visions and ideals. It’s rather a matter of perspective: Anne tends to start with the vision of the world as it ought to be, and ask, “How can I pull the world toward this?” I tend to start with the world as it is and ask, “How can I push this in the direction of where it should be?” When the dynamic’s working well, it makes for a great combination; but when it’s not working well… well, as I said, it’s been behind more than one argument between the two of us.

These different perspectives tend to come into play even in the most mundane things. For example, I tend to be better at estimating how long things will take than Anne is. After talking about it, we agreed that this is largely because Anne estimates how long each of the various tasks we have to do should take, then adds that together. I, on the other hand, think about how long the tasks might take, and then assume things will come up that we’re not expecting, and guess it’ll be roughly twice that. Ideal world vs. practical world, advantage practical world. On the other hand, Anne is much better than I am about putting together parties and social events: she has a vision and works to make it happen, whereas it’s hard for me to look past how much work it’s going to take, and on my own I’d usually decide it’s not worth the effort. Ideal world vs. practical world, advantage ideal world.

This dynamic comes up in bigger things, too, and that’s where it’s been behind some arguments and hurt feelings. For example, I once told Anne that my job description at the time didn’t really match up with the things that I’d felt called to the ministry to do – it wasn’t as fulfilling as it could be. Anne’s response was to try to show how I really was doing the work I’d been called to do. I got frustrated: I was just asking for some sympathy, and it felt like she was telling me I was wrong to be feeling how I was feeling.

After talking for a very long time, we realised some of what was going on. To me, there was no major problem with the fact that I wasn’t doing exactly what I felt called to do. I would make the most of the situation I was in, try to move it in the direction of what I did feel called to, and assume that things were fine as long as they were generally moving in the right direction. From Anne’s perspective, though, when I said my job wasn’t really the ideal one for me, that left two options: either pay a little more attention and see if I was missing the fact that it was exactly where I was supposed to be, or find another job (or at least radically overhaul the job I was doing). To her, it sounded like I was saying, “This isn’t what I’m called to do and I’m just going to keep doing it anyway,” which came across as being obstinate and self-pitying (my words, not hers). The problem was solved when we finally recognised the dynamic: I let her know that I was happy where I was, that I was content that the job was moving toward being more fulfilling, and that I wasn’t having a major crisis about what I was doing; and she let me know that she hadn’t meant to dismiss my feelings, but instead was trying to help me see the value in what I was doing and clarify whether I really needed to be somewhere else.

That example illustrates some of the pitfalls of each of our perspectives. The realist can easily fall into the trap of looking at the world and saying, “I’m not likely to be able to change a whole heck of a lot,” and fall into complacency and laziness. The idealist, on the other hand, can fall into two traps that are actually two sides of the same coin: on the one hand they can look how far short of the ideal the world is, try to change it, and become overwhelmed and burnt out by their inability to make a difference; or on the other side they can fall into denial of the way the world really is, since it’s too painful to see how far short of the ideal it is.

One solution for people on both sides is simply to acknowledge which perspective they tend to come from, and to acknowledge the pitfalls that are associated with it. Being married to someone with the opposite perspective is an excellent way to be made aware of the shortcomings of your own – as long as you’re willing to acknowledge that your way is not always the right one.

From a Christian perspective, though, I think a deeper solution requires looking to spiritual truth. The pitfalls of both sides come from failure to acknowledge something of God’s role and God’s call. For the idealists who are overwhelmed by the world as it is, the solution lies in constantly calling to mind that God is in charge, that God is the one who can and will change things, and that they are merely a small part of His plan to bring about the world as He wants it to be. For the realists who fall into complacency, the solution is to call to mind God’s call: to remember that God insists that His kingdom can only come into being if people are willing to completely throw themselves into following Him. The Lord did not come and coolly say, “Things could be a little better” – He came with urgency, with tears and with pleading and with exhortation, with insistence that His kingdom coming was a matter of life and death, and even more, a matter of eternal life and eternal death. It’s supposed to be overwhelming sometimes. And there’s no place for sitting on the sidelines

The Lord’s call is a call to idealists and realists alike. For Christians of both persuasions, our part is to completely throw ourselves into the call of establishing His kingdom on earth – while recognising that He alone is the One who will build that kingdom.

So, here’s the question for you: which way do you see the world? Do you start with the ideal and ask how to bring the world into alignment? Or do you start with the actual and ask how it can be better? And maybe most importantly – what have you learned from interacting with people of the other persuasion?

(Image is The Peaceable Kingdom by Edward Hicks)

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