Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

God and the Machine

Home
About

Home
Catholic
“I Am Dog!”

“I Am Dog!”

Last updated on: May 14, 2015 at 11:16 am by Thomas L. McDonald

“I Am Dog!” 2015-05-14T11:16:07-04:00 Thomas L. McDonald

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

This is Ivy. She is a Mastiff-Chihuahua. I have the papers to prove it.

An Analysis of the Cognitive Patterns of the Common House Ivy

IVY: Oh please dad, I have to go out! I have to go out SO BAD! I have to pee! Pleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease!

[kind-hearted human lets dog out in the backyard]

IVY. Oh my! GRASS! When did this get here?! I love to roll in it!

[rollrollroll]

Isn’t grass the best! It’s so great! I’m going to do this forever!

[stops rolling, sticks nose in air]

Do you smell that?! Does that smell like the best! I think someone 1.3 miles away just started grilling a hamburger. Isn’t hamburger the best!

Oh look chickens! Aren’t chickens the best?! I’m going to see what they’re up to!

[chickens flee]

Oh look a bee! I’m going chase it! Grrr! I’m fierce and will get that bee!

[freezes, pointing in the distance with a one upraised paw]

Did you hear that?! I think a moth farted on the next block! Let’s go see! I must do this because I am dog!

[frustrated human chases dog back inside]

[five minutes pass]

IVY: Oh please dad, I have to go out! I have to go out SO BAD! I have to pee! Pleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease!

[repeat for 10-15 years]

Previous Post

May 13, 2015

Trigger Warnings Are Offensive

Next Post

May 14, 2015 DC Fanboy Nerdvana

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Abortion Anthropology Archaeology Art Bible Books Chickens Church Computers Culture Wars Evil Fiction Film Games Ghosts Gospel of John Gospels History How I Pray Internet iPhone Islam Israel Jesus Judaism Language Lent Literature Marshall McLuhan Media Medieval Mental Health Mobile Movies Neil Postman News Old Testament Personal Political Pope Pope Benedict Pope Francis Prayer Robots Satan Sciency Sex Shakespeare Social Media Software St. Augustine Synod Synod on the Family Tarot Technology Television Theology Transhumanism Uncategorized Verbum

Select a Month November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

True or False: According to Romans, if God is for us, no one can be against us.

Select your answer to see how you score.

TRUE FALSE