The Person I Love The Least

Last updated on: July 16, 2026 at 9:02 am by C. Don Jones

The Person I Love The Least 2026-07-16T09:02:38-06:00 C. Don Jones

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I cannot afford to hate people I do not know. It is hard enough not to hate people I know. Can I know who I love the least? | Image created for Patheos in Gemini.

Dorothy Day said, “I only really love God as much as I love the person I love the least.” The more years I have in the rearview mirror, the more I understand what she says. I cannot claim to have improved in this way. Hate is so easy to conform to. Mercy is so difficult to show. How can I become a person who loves a perceived enemy?

Love and Denial

It does not help us to claim we do not hate when we deride, scorn, or disparage someone else. We say, “I do not hate them, I hate what they do.” Yes, there are people who do hateful things. Since I have found my name on doxing sites, I know I have enemies – people who hate me. Love does not deny these realities. However, I am not required to spend my time thinking about people who despise me. I do not worry about them. And, most importantly, I do not hate them in return. The trouble is I do not know if I can honestly claim to care about their well-being. These are people I do not know.

Knowledge and Mercy

Someone told me they have started hating people they have heard about through videos on social media. Such anti-social media recognizes how easy it is to coax people into hating by causing them to fear. My thought was that I cannot afford to hate people I do not know. It is hard enough not to hate people I know. Can I know who I love the least? How can I determine that? If hatred is based on wanting someone destroyed, then is love based on care for another’s well-being? This is the meaning of the Greek word agape and the English word Compassion. James says, “Anyone, then, who knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, commits sin. (James 4:17)”

Love and Sin

Based on what James says in the verse quoted above, sin is the absence of doing the right thing. Sin is then the absence of love, compassion, or lovingkindness. For Christ’s followers, that sometimes puts us at odds with secular laws. Too many times it puts Jesus’ modern disciples against church law. Obedience to Christ has consequences. I am encouraged when I see someone act as they should and not as they are expected.

Communion and Truth

Sin, as the absence of loving action, is overcome simply by taking the loving action. Yet, it takes more than good examples to encourage the believer. It requires communion with God in Christ. We know the old observance; we do not go to church, we are the church. As a truism, this one is sentimental. Being a disciple of Jesus who has the courage, the grace, and the love to do what is right requires a life devoted to prayer, the teaching of the Gospel, and fellowship with other believers. It is also important to know that other believers may not support one’s actions, believing you are in the wrong.

Living in truth is necessary. Overcoming the lies of denial is equally important. To do these things well means we live out our practices of prayer, scripture reading, worship, and the sacraments. Other spiritual reading is important for our own growth as people rooted in the Way, the Truth, and the Life.

The Person We Love the Least

One day soon, I hope people will refer to St. Dorothy the Peacemaker (or some other fitting approbation). If a group of believers can name the same individual as the person they hate, there is some untruth involved in their perception. We each have one person we love the least. Who is that? Please do not think it is some public figure you have never met. It is too easy to ride a hateful bandwagon. There is, though, someone who has slighted you or done worse. Another person may have displaced you in a position or someone else’s affection. Whatever the case may be for you, it is very easy to name that person.

It requires a spiritual mentor to walk one through the problems associated with identifying why we choose to withhold lovingkindness toward another. The spiritual mentor or guide must be someone whom one can trust. Because this work is not easy. Growing in love for God as the ground of being, or ultimate reality, means we grow in compassion for people and other beings.

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