Non Serviam

Last updated on: June 16, 2011 at 10:40 am by Sarah Babbs

Non Serviam 2011-06-16T10:40:46-04:00 Sarah Babbs

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

I was reading through the comments on Leila’s post, and I came across one that really caught me off guard. Well, two comments really.

The first was this:

“But one of the most wonderful ways to serve is in your God-given vocation as wife and mother.”

and then the response, from a regular commenter over there, College Student:

Its funny because I believe in God and one day hope to be both a wife and mother yet I still find this statement greatly offensive. Maybe it’s the word serve, I dunno, it’s just pretty nauseating.

I had to chuckle to myself as I read that, because I remember those days. I so vividly remember those days in college when the notion of “giving up my whole life” so I could take care of a husband and children made me recoil in horror. Oh, the horror!

I’ve seen that reaction before. It’s often implict; “I don’t want to just be a wife and mother.”

First of all, who does? I mean, what woman alive wants to say, I am a wife and a mother, and nothing more. That’s not even true. First and foremost, before anything else, I am a daughter of God. Then I am my parents daughter, then I am a wife and mother, a writer, a lover of….the list goes on and on. No one is “just a wife and mother”. For anyone to imply that women who value this vocation as having primary importance are somehow two dimensional cardboard is offensive to me!

The ironic thing about this whole serving thing, is that, the very same people who would (and maybe do?) disdain me for embracing my vocation as wife and mother, would laud my Christ-like service if I decided to spend a year in Africa working with the poor. Why is that laudable, but devoting your life to the people in your house is degrading?

I was one of those people. I looked down my nose at those “wife and mother vocation people” that I encountered at the Mount, mostly the spouses of some of my professors. Meanwhile, I spent my spring and fall breaks in college going on service trips to work with the poor and suffering.

My reasoning went something like this: It’s one thing to spend your spring break serving others. It’s something else entirely to spend your life.

I had embraced the feminist notion that in order to “be something” you cannot, must not serve. You have to “get established in your career”, “look out for number 1”, and “not let anyone get in your way”. Of course there is nothing wrong with having a career, if that’s what one wants. But there is something wrong with telling women they “must” have a career, they “must” have it all, or they are just brainless cardboard. There is something very wrong with that.

However, I bought into it, whole-heartedly. The idea that a woman would purposefully give up the years she is supposed to be “getting established in her career” to get married, have babies, and take care of them, seemed repulsive and “nauseating”.

That’s because I was living Non Serviam. I would not serve. Sure, I would serve for a week or so here or there, but always on my terms. I would serve when I felt like it.

The kind of intimate, challenging, service associated with embracing any vocation, was not to be borne. If I ever did get married and have children, I remember thinking, I would of course have a nanny, or at the very least, a housekeeper. That type of work would be far too far beneath me to do myself.

There are still days when I feel that changing poop diapers and wiping drool off my shoulder, and figuring out what to make for dinner for the 50th time, are “beneath me”. But if they are, if that is true, then who is fit to do them? If I say that someone else is fit to do the work that is “beneath me” then what I am saying about me?

This is my vocation, and to think I am above doing any of the work that God has put in front of me, this day, is to say loud and clear, Non Serviam.

The truth is, we are all living Non Serviam. Non serviam is at the root of every sin. We will not serve. We will not serve God or others. Or, we will only serve them on our terms, which is just as bad as not serving at all.

Thankfully, we have the antidote. We know how to break free from Non Serivam and the sin that is always its fruit. We struggle, we fall, but we know the Truth.

“Whoever wishes to be first among you shall be servant of all, just as the Son of Man came not to be served, but to serve, and to give his life for the many.” -Matthew 20:28

Catholic

Culture

Family

Previous Post

June 14, 2011

Thai Food, Rain Boots, and A Question

Next Post

June 23, 2011 God: He's In Our Bedroom and Our Bank Book - Part I

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category 7 QT Beauty and Style Blogging Books Catholic Culture Family Funny Making House Poetry Social Justice The Children Uncategorized Various Women

Select a Month December 2018 October 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 April 2018 December 2017 November 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 February 2016 January 2016 November 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz