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Just for fun

Last updated on: September 29, 2009 at 2:08 am by Sarah Babbs

Just for fun 2009-09-29T02:08:43-04:00 Sarah Babbs

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This list is hilarious and true — and posted from That Married Couple. Go check out this awesome blog! http://thatmarriedcouple.blogspot.com

You know you’re an NFP couple when…

1. “That time of the month” means your fertile time, not your period.

2. Your husband informs you that your period will start in the next two days (based on your temperature, not on your mood).

3. You refuse to take any medication that’s not absolutely necessary out of fear that it will affect your mucus signs.

4. You know what Onan’s sin was.

5. You have spent hours agonizing over whether you have “just and serious” reasons to postpone pregnancy.

6. You told a doctor you were using NFP and they immediately started discussing pregnancy…

7. Then after explaining the sympto-thermal method to the doctor, they smile patronizingly and say “Well, let’s just call it ‘the rhythm method’ anyway.”

8. Your NFP-only OBGYN (if you’re lucky enough to have one) is mocked by the other doctors in their practice… yet the nurses practice it and the patient list just keeps growing.

9. You don’t have sex with a partner – you make love with your spouse.

10. Non-Catholics: Your friends and family are horrified that your decision to use NFP means you’re going to become Catholic.

11. New Catholics: The stance against contraception was one of the things that drew you into the Church. “If they’re right about that, what else are they right about?!”

12. You know Pope Paul VI’s four predictions in Humanae Vitae and consider them prophetic.

13. You have at least one copy of Janet Smith’s Contraception: Why Not?

14. You have a Theology of the Body study guide.

15. You have read a book by Christopher West (probably Good News about Sex and Marriage).

16. You’ve heard arguments for contraception based on the mouth analogy, and can discuss why it’s a bad one.

17. You hate arguing and are terrified of debates, but somehow you’ve become an NFP apologist.

18. Going all-natural with sex has been so successful, you contemplate going organic.

19. You can’t figure out how some people can talk so much about “going green” and still use contraception. “Oh, I don’t buy meat with hormones added – I take them myself in pill form – lol!”

20. You know that the pill hurts fish.

21. You’re keenly aware of the correlation between the rise in contraception use and the rise in divorce and abortion.

22. In your excitement to explain NFP, you plan to share your chart with someone else – until your spouse reminds you that your aunt might not need to know how many times you had intercourse last month.

23. You have searched for your cervix.

24. You have made your husband search for your cervix.

25. You jumped up and down when you finally found your cervix.

26. You sleep with an extra blanket in the vain hopes that it will help your temperature rise a tenth of a degree higher.

27. You stalk the NFP facebook group just to be reminded that there are people like you out there!

28. You read the NFPworks blog.

29. You have “postponing panties” – baggy and unattractive underwear that only comes out when you’re fertile.

30. You have watched all seven of the seminarian’s YouTube videos.

31. You really do think your husband is noble.

32. You know that a consistent life ethic excludes contraception.

33. Every time your friends who know you’re using NFP see you, they ask, “Are you pregnant yet???”

34. When people ask you when you’re going to have kids, your husband answers, “Well, we talk about it every month…”

35. You do so well at postponing pregnancy in the beginning of your marriage that non-NFP users believe that you and your hubby must be infertile… then you end up wanting to try to conceive just to prove them wrong.

36. When you get pregnant, knowing the date of the last menstrual period is easy–you could even tell the doctor what it was the same month three years ago because you still have your charts.

37. You are better at estimating your due date than the doctor is.

38. When you find out you’re pregnant, instead of taking a picture of the pregnancy test, you save your chart.

39. You just smile when people ask if your pregnancy was “on purpose.”

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