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Listening and really listening

Listening and really listening

Last updated on: February 9, 2026 at 9:55 pm by Rev. Jean (Drum) Pagano

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Listening and really listening 2026-02-09T21:55:04-04:00 Rev. Jean (Drum) Pagano

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**Listening and really listening**

As a priest and as a leader, we need to listen People come to us with their needs and we are there to serve. To serve them well, we need to listen and really hear them. In the former Super Druid program, Active Listening was a required course. When the Clergy Training Program superseded the Super Druid program, Active Listening was not carried over to the new program. Pity that.

We all listen to people. How well we listen to them is another story, but we often listen in a bisynchronous manner: we listen, we comment, we listen, we comment. While this methodology involves in the conversation. When people really want to talk to us, they often want us to hear them out as opposed to commenting and interrupting all along the way.

Active listening requires us to hear the entirety of the story before offering our thoughts and opinions. It is not only the story that requires attention. One must also be aware of the surroundings, especially the body language and presentation of the storyteller. One must remain totally present in the story. Each piece is critical to the whole.

The narrative that is being shared may not be well rehearsed. There may be periods of silence during the recounting and there should be no rush to fill in empty spaces. Allow the speaker to tell their story in their own way and in their own time. Being comfortable with silence is an acquired and valuable skill.

More than just listening

Active listening requires the listener to do much more than just listen. One must listen attentively. In addition, one may ask questions to help better understand the speaker. Finally, asking for clarification can help to reinforce the message from the speaker.

In many ways, active listening is about hospitality, especially being a good host. Active listening supports the quality of communication, not just the quantity. It is also a valuable skill in professional settings, as well as in personal ones. Most of all, active listening demonstrates respect for the speaker: it allows them to say what they need without fear of interruption. With active listening, all focus is on the speaker, with emphasis put on what they saying, allowing the listener to respond and reflect on the content, and retain that information for later.

What are the benefits of active listening?

Why should a person desire to be an active listener?

As a priest or as a leader, when people come to us, they have something to say. It takes courage to speak up, and to best receive the message that is being conveyed, it helps to listen, and to listen effectively. Being an active listener, more than anything else, signifies that a person cares. To listen effectively shows that the person and the message have value.

If others are comfortable in sharing information with you, whether it is for counseling, for advice, or for help, they will be more likely to return in the future and more willing to share. Hospitality is about safety, comfort, and trust. For people in positions of leadership, trust is an important commodity and resource. Earning it is hard, but it is facilitated by active listening.

Being really heard

Active listening is about being a thoughtful and patient listener, asking questions, and looking for clarification, in time. If people feel that they can speak and be heard, really heard, then they will find safety in your company. This is especially helpful in matters relating to clergy and / or leadership where one wants other to feel safe and at ease.

Steps to becoming a better listener.

People are not automatically good listeners. In our busy world, waiting for one’s turn to speak or offer opinions is often lost in the fast-paced instant messaging world. To be a good listener requires the opposite of multitasking skills. It requires singular focus on the matter at hand.

Here are some tips that will come in handy as you become a better listener:

Body language and behavior are important non-verbal clues to better understanding the message. Listening is of paramount importance. It is much like the old railroad crossings: Stop, look, and listen.

Singal your comprehension and acknowledgement by making eye contact and nodding at the appropriate times. When the speaker says something that needs affirmation, a nod will go a long way.

Further steps

Ask clarifying questions to enhance your understanding. It is important not to interrupt but clarifying questions can reinforce one’s understanding of the conversation.

While it is important for the listener to not interrupt the speaker, it is equally important to find a location that is free from external interruptions such as cell phones, messaging apps, and other people.

Be open-minded. Your opinion of the conversation is not important at this point. Suspend your disbelief. Do not judge and do not offer an opinion. The most important thing is to be present for the delivery of the message. Remember: not all speakers are skilled at delivery.

Confirm your understanding by asking questions. This will help not only to solidify your understanding, but it will also encourage the speaker.

Crucial components

There are two crucial components in active listening. The first is about understanding the speaker and the message that they are trying to convey. The second equally vital component is about being understood as the recipient of the message, as the listener. Presence is key during the delivery. Focus and awareness will help to process the message. Asking questions, clarifying concepts, and summarizing points will also help to ensure that you have understood the message being delivered. What a shame it would be if one poured their hearts out only to be misunderstood.

Once the listening and the understanding have been solidified, then the conversation can move to a problem-solving phase. It is important to discuss topics, not to dictate solutions. While the speaker is coming to the listener for help, the solution is best discussed and agreed to then dictated.

Listening requires involvement

For those in leadership positions, active listening may require active involvement. Conversation that is shared may require follow-up or action. In any event, a well-timed review of the situation may help to further cooperation and hospitality between the parties involved (Bergeron & Loignon, 2025).

How do I start?

An effective way to begin active listening is to take one of your own stories and tell it to yourself. Record the conversation to yourself. Be a good listener. You cannot interrupt the conversation, because it is recorded, but you can take notes and think of ways to ask questions, clarify one’s understanding, and summarize the topic at hand.

Once you have worked through your own story, record it again, using some of the notes that you have taken during the listening. This will help you to not only tell the story better but help you to understand a familiar story. The next step is listening to someone else. I suggest using a test case and recording that as well. Practice makes it better.

Active listening is like riding a bicycle. It takes time to find the proper balance, but once achieved, it is a skill that can only get better with practice and time. Step outside of your busy life to listen to someone who needs you. Be a good host. Make hospitality the rule of the day.

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