Chaos Theory: A Unified Theory of Muppet Types

Last updated on: June 26, 2012 at 8:19 am by Nancy French

Chaos Theory: A Unified Theory of Muppet Types 2012-06-26T08:19:59-05:00 Nancy French

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Dahlia Lithwick conducts a very important study at Slate that might change the way you look at yourself forever.

Muppet Theory, a little-known, poorly understood philosophy that holds that every living human can be classified according to one simple metric: Every one of us is either a Chaos Muppet or an Order Muppet.

Chaos Muppets are out-of-control, emotional, volatile. They tend toward the blue and fuzzy. They make their way through life in a swirling maelstrom of food crumbs, small flaming objects, and the letter C. Cookie Monster, Ernie, Grover, Gonzo, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and—paradigmatically—Animal, are all Chaos Muppets. Zelda Fitzgerald was a Chaos Muppet. So, I must tell you, is Justice Stephen Breyer.

Order Muppets—and I’m thinking about Bert, Scooter, Sam the Eagle, Kermit the Frog, and the blue guy who is perennially harassed by Grover at restaurants (the Order Muppet Everyman)—tend to be neurotic, highly regimented, averse to surprises and may sport monstrously large eyebrows. They sometimes resent the responsibility of the world weighing on their felt shoulders, but they secretly revel in the knowledge that they keep the show running. Your first grade teacher was probably an Order Muppet. So is Chief Justice John Roberts.

Read more about it here. As a “chaos muppet,” I was a little worried when I read the author’s warnings about marrying your own type. I married another “chaos muppet” sixteen years before I learned of the Unified Theory of Muppet Types, yet our marriage has been good so far!

The author also warns against making this a Democrat/Republican thing. However, I think we can all agree that Mitt Romney is an “order muppet.” What about the President?

Please leave a comment to tell me your category!

(This article first appeared on NRO.)

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