Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Progressive Christian
A Forgotten Anniversary–Again!

A Forgotten Anniversary–Again!

Last updated on: July 23, 2025 at 5:05 pm by Vance Morgan

0 Comments

A Forgotten Anniversary–Again! 2025-07-23T17:05:22-04:00 Vance Morgan

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Jeanne and I visited our friends Suzy and Michael in Florida over the weekend. They were hosting a baby shower for their daughter-in-law (their oldest son’s spouse) who is due with their first grandchild in September. We flew Providence to Philadelphia to Tampa and were blessed with an unexpected upgrade to first class seats on the Philly to Tampa leg. First class is awesome.

It was just after 7:30 am; as we sat in seats 4A and 4B, watching the losers file past headed for the cheap seats in the back, the first class steward asked if we would like anything to drink. We ordered mimosas. Shortly after takeoff, the steward returned offering more refreshments; Jeanne ordered another mimosa. I thought I would set a good example and ordered a black coffee, but when he said that he would be happy to add a Bailey’s Irish Cream to my coffee, I couldn’t resist. Bailey’s Irish Cream was one of the few alcoholic beverages that my Baptist-born-and-raised mother would drink.

Half an hour later, it was breakfast time. With breakfast Jeanne got yet another mimosa and I ordered another Irish coffee. (Brief aside: the drinks were not very strong). Around this time, Jeanne observed that this was the most enjoyable trip in first class she could remember taking (she’s travelled more than I have), adding that “it’s like a second honeymoon!” Before long, after breakfast had been consumed and trays had been cleared, the steward returned once more with a tray containing two cups of coffee as well as mini-bottles both of Bailey’s Irish Cream and Woodford Bourbon (which is one of my favorite bourbons). I think Jeanne took the Bailey’s—I drank my coffee, poured my bourbon nip into the empty cup, and once again gave thanks to the upgrade gods.

It was around this time that I checked my watch to see how much longer we were going to be in the air and was surprised to see that it was July 17. I turned to Jeanne and said, “Happy Anniversary!” She smiled and we gave each other a high five. Yes indeed, both of us had forgotten until that moment that this was our anniversary, number 37 to be exact.

Before you get all judgmental, let me place this in context. Whenever someone invites us to tell the story of how we met and became a couple, we ask “do you want the five-minute or one-hour version?” I’ll give you the three or four paragraph version. Jeanne and I actually have three annual dates that could mark our anniversary: July 17, the day before Thanksgiving, and Christmas Eve. Here’s the five minute version.

Day before Thanksgiving 1987: This is the day that Jeanne met me and my two sons, ages eight and six, at my parents’ house In Jackson Hole, WY for Thanksgiving. She had known my parents for ten years; I had been divorced in June 1987 after eleven years of an unhappy marriage. Within six weeks of meeting we were living together in Santa Fe while Jeanne finished the final semester of her master’s program at St. John’s College.

April 1988: My ex-wife took me to court seeking full custody of our sons (we had joint custody). Big Bird was on the job and Jeanne and I won full custody of the boys. Around this same time it became clear that I would be starting my PhD program in philosophy at Marquette University in Milwaukee, WI in the fall, which set an extraordinarily challenging late spring and summer in motion. To fill you in on all of it would turn this into the five hour version.

July 17, 1988: Jeanne and I stood in front of our four parents at the home of friends in Pennsylvania and exchanged promises. My father was an ordained minister, so the promises exchanged were official. It was a quickly organized, impromptu event because my mother was dying of cancer and might not live to experience the real, full-blown wedding planned for a year or so down the road.

Late August 1988: Jeanne, the boys, and I set up our blended family home in Milwaukee, more than a thousand miles away from family on either side.

October 1988: Within two weeks of each other, my mother died of cancer and Jeanne’s father unexpectedly died of heart failure.

Christmas 1988: Jeanne, the boys, and I travelled to Bakersfield, CA to spend Christmas with my brother, sister-in-law, and their two children about the same age as my sons. My recently widowed father was also there. Jeanne and I brought the official marriage certificate with us from Milwaukee for my father—the officiant at our ceremony in July 1988—to sign as well as for my brother and sister-in-law to witness and sign. Since too much time had passed since July for December signatures to be effective, we put Christmas Eve down as our wedding date on the certificate, which we filed officially in Milwaukee a week later.

The expected and hoped-for big wedding celebration never happened. As you can see, life happened instead. So when should we celebrate our anniversary? July 17, when the promises were witnessed? Christmas Eve, the date on our marriage certificate? It soon became clear that the real day to celebrate is the day that we met, the day before Thanksgiving. And so it has been for more than three and a half decades. This past July 17 was not the first time that the day went unnoticed.

Every time we tell the story of our first year together, someone remarks how surprising it is that we survived it. But here we are close to four decades later still going strong. Toward the end of Rachel Kadish’s Tolstoy Lied, the main character reflects on what she has learned about love.

Love–real love–is not cinematic. It’s the stuff no one talks about: How trust grows rootlets. How two people who start as lovers become custodians of each other’s well-being.

I am grateful beyond measure that I met this beautiful redhead at my parent’s house almost 38 years ago (!)—it is more than I could have hoped for and more than I deserve. And so I ask, as it says in the Book of Tobit, mercifully grant that we may grow old together.

Previous Post

July 20, 2025

Anna's Promise and the Power of Love

Next Post

July 25, 2025 Let It Be

Recent Comments

0 | Leave a Comment

"Mary did have a choice. And she was able to make it before the Holy ..."

madalyn baumstark

Mary Got To Choose

"i cannot read beyond your recommendations for the books since i like to have a ..."

madalyn baumstark

A Doubting Faith

"AI will never be able to utter with honesty, feeling, or humility, the greeting: "Namaste".It ..."

madalyn baumstark

AI and Human Dignity

"They do. I'm sure you could find discussions of the same topic from any of ..."

Vance Morgan

AI and the Life of Faith

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category abortion Advent AI Angels Artificial intelligence atheism attention baptism Baptists beauty belief Benedictines Bible bicycling Big Bird books Bovina Camaldoli hermitage Canada Catholicism cats certainty change Christianity Christmas Collegeville Covid-19 creativity Development of Western Civilization dogs doubt Easter Enneagram Epiphany Episcopal ethics Eucharist evil extroverts Facebook faith family fear flowers forgiveness freedom friends God goodness grace happiness heaven hell history Holy Spirit Holy Week hope human nature humility humor idolatry incarnation introverts irreverence Islam Jeanne Jesus Joe Biden joy Judaism justice Kamala Harris knowledge Lent listen literature liturgy love Marsue Memorial Day miracles movies music mystery mythology NPR Old Testament optimism paradox peace Penguins philosophy piano podcast politics power prayer Protestantism Providence College Religion Rhode Island sabbatical sacrament science seeing silence Simone Weil Socrates soul sports St. John's College stories suffering tattoo teaching technology television theology thinking time tolerance transcendence travel trees trust truth Uncategorized Vermont wisdom wonder writing

Select a Month May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 January 2026 December 2025 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz