“My Love For A Person Of The Same Sex” – A Gay Man’s Response to Ignorance, Bigotry & Hate

Last updated on: March 16, 2015 at 10:42 am by Susan Cottrell

“My Love For A Person Of The Same Sex” – A Gay Man’s Response to Ignorance, Bigotry & Hate 2015-03-16T10:42:09-05:00 Susan Cottrell

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Two-Men

“Sadomasochism, child abuse, human trafficking, rape, murder, genocide, greed, corruption… and homosexuality.” What does it feel like to be included in that list simply because you love someone of the same gender? In one of Susan’s recent posts we had a reader make a comment that included homosexuality in a list like this. Ignorance? Yes. Bigotry? Probably. Hate? Maybe.

This is Rob Cottrell, Susan’s husband. That comment was made to another reader here on FreedHearts and the reader responded. His response was honest, direct, poignant, loving, and unapologetic – and I wanted to share it with you today.

I have struggled with this comment in an effort to resolve the anger which arose as a result of it. I’m not sure if I have succeeded, but I think my reply will at least be more articulate than acidic.

My love for a person of the same sex is not holding other humans in bondage against their will. My love is an expression of freedom. I uphold consent as a necessity for a proper relationship of any kind.

My love for a person of the same sex is not inflicting suffering upon a child in any capacity. My love one day includes the desire to bring a child into our family, to be loved and sheltered and raised in the enlightenment I hope to pass on to all future generations.

My love for a person of the same sex is not the trafficking of human chattel slaves in even the most remote definition. As someone who has been a victim of oppression for most of my life, I have no desire to ever become an oppressor.

My love for a person of the same sex is not an act of rape, although there are those, sadly, who do not understand or value consent in the manner which I do. These people appear on all sides of the sexual orientation spectrum and I do not endorse or condone positions which contradict my values of consent.

My love for a person of the same sex does not willingly shed the blood of any person. I am more likely to be the victim of murder than a perpetrator. I have taken an oath of pacifism with few exception clauses for means of defense, either of myself or others, and these exceptions require that I use the least harmful method of disabling an aggressor.

My love for a person of the same sex is not discriminatory, although it is often accused of such by my failure to tolerate intolerance directed toward me or others. I am as likely to be found defending Christians as I am to be on the receiving end of Christian abuse. It is to be noted that I am not Christian myself, and yet the two blogs I frequent are both Christian blogs in which I am, to my knowledge, a member in good standing. I do not tolerate discrimination toward Christians, much less to racial minorities, and part of what has estranged me from my parents is their virulent racism. I live in an integrated neighborhood of many ethnicities, and I enjoy the company of each and every one of them as equal brethren united by our common needs and desires.

My love for a person of the same sex is not genocidal. I do not countenance the killing of any group, no matter how extreme their views. I endeavor to have no more negative view than “pity” for any group, although I am prone to anger when their actions cause harm to me or others. There are those with whom I emphatically disagree and those to whom I am prejudiced against because of their history of harm to others — when this prejudice threatens to distort my efforts to remain objective, I am grateful for reminders of my own subjectivity, ignorance, and failings.

My love for a person of the same sex is not religious in nature, much less extremism. I do not condone religion of any stripe when it aims to dictate various areas of the social sphere, including education, politics, and some social interactions. I am prone to agreeing with religious sentiments when I like their intent or goals, even when I do not agree with the same logic or theological origin, and sometimes this does lead to favoring one religion above another, even if it is not a religion I share. Under no circumstances do I agree with extremism which willfully causes harm to others, and I have found myself pondering religious conundrums in which aspects of a religion I enjoy are threatened with loss of membership and visibility by their refusal to violate their own religious tenets.

My love for a person of the same sex is not unusually greedy in any manner differentiated from the love of people. Each person’s story is their own and I try not to apply negative labels to them without first hearing it in context. I also reject any claim that my love for a person of the same sex is inherently greedy because it is desiring of something forbidden on the grounds that it is not for others to forbid, having no demonstrable stake or right to dictate consensual relationships others might partake in.

My love for a person of the same sex is not hypocritical. While there are those I do judge as engaging in inappropriate lusts, I can indicate quantifiable harm, violation of consent, etc. which arise as a result of their intentions.

And finally, my love for a person of the same sex is not dishonest. Endeavoring to force me—by social stigma, mandatory conversion therapy, economic sanctions, or otherwise—to falsely recant my attractions and orientation would be dishonest.

— In light of this, you may understand why I object to my love for a person of the same sex being compared to various acts of extreme harm and violation of the rights of other people.

I am not prejudiced against you, racially or otherwise.
I do not have the intent to harm you, much less enslave you or kill you individually or as a group.
I will never cheat you.
I will endeavor to never lie to you in any capacity.

Love is none of these things.

So don’t compare them together.

Previous Post

March 14, 2015

Jesus Blog: God's Expectations Of You Are Not What You Think

Next Post

March 18, 2015 Do Gay People Have Better Sex Than Straight People?

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Church & Religion Dear Susan Family Support Gay Weddings & Marriage GCN Conference Jesus Blog LGBTQ Support Parenting Personal Stories Suicide The Real Jesus Theology Transgender Uncategorized X Archived Posts

Select a Month August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 February 2026 January 2026 December 2025 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 January 2025 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 June 2022 December 2021 May 2021 February 2021 November 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 May 2019 March 2019 January 2019 November 2018 March 2018 January 2018 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What is the key message of Proverbs about how to live?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Win battles Pursue wisdom Seek power Amass riches

Support this
Column