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Parents, Are We Protecting or Destroying Our Gay Children?

Parents, Are We Protecting or Destroying Our Gay Children?

Last updated on: October 29, 2014 at 9:44 am by Susan Cottrell

Parents, Are We Protecting or Destroying Our Gay Children? 2014-10-29T09:44:58-05:00 Susan Cottrell

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Did anyone see “Twice-Told Tales,” the 1963 horror classic with Vincent Price? It’s a campy retelling of three of Nathaniel Hawthorne’s short stories, perfect for Halloween. (I won’t watch for-real scary movies – yikes, are you kidding??!)

As I watched the middle story, “Rappaccini’s Daughter,” I thought of you – you’ll see why.

Rappaccini is a scientist who infects his daughter with radioactive poisoning, so that anyone who touches her will die. (Uh… Thanks, Dad.)

His idea is to protect her and he cannot fathom why she isn’t grateful to him. “I only wanted to protect you from trouble. I never wanted to see you hurt… You’ll never understand how fortunate you are that the world’s sin can’t touch you.”

There it is. Fear of sin always seems to be at the bottom of these things. And it is certainly a core issue for non-affirming faith parents of LGBTQ children.

The father in the movie tells her as she lies there dying*,* “I only wanted to give you happiness.” She answers, “How could you give me something you never had? You could only give me hate.”

Boom.

She’s right because happiness grows from trust, not fear.

Like so many before him, this father cannot tolerate the fear that his daughter will go beyond his reach, that she won’t do what he thinks is best, that things won’t go the way he wants. His daughter – God forbid – might even get hurt. You’ve seen parents like this, who live in fear, and they make their kids miserable.

You may have parents like this… you may be parents like this. If so, please, do what you need to do to pry your hands off your kids’ lives. And if you’re the one whose parents won’t let you be you, my heart goes out to you. Real life has real risk. There’s no other satisfying way to live it.

When you reduce risk, you reduce life.

As Hawthorne himself wrote, this father “attempts to usurp the function of God.” But he lacks God’s perfect love and mad skills, so instead of protecting his daughter, he has destroyed her.

Please. Especially if you come from the ‘fear-of-sin’ foundation, meaning you probably call yourselves Christian, then you should be on a familiar basis with God: act like it. Trust. Have faith. Surrender your agenda. Hand over control of the outcome, because it’s totally not your job.

Find other parents, parents who are affirming, and take the first step on learning how to unconditionally love your child without sacrificing your faith.

And if you’re the one with fearful parents, please try not to worry. You trust God, too. If you’re facing crazy – like this father infecting his daughter – do whatever you need to be safe. And please find someone to go through this journey with you.

Help is out there. Love is out there. Happiness is out there. Find it. It’s there for you.

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October 28, 2014

Would You Rather Have a Gay Child or a Dead Child?

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October 30, 2014 What I've Learned as an Ally, an Advocate, and the Christian Mom of a Gay Child

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