Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Progressive Christian
Dear Susan: How Can I Unconditionally Love My Gay Son?

Dear Susan: How Can I Unconditionally Love My Gay Son?

Last updated on: August 29, 2014 at 10:22 am by Susan Cottrell

Dear Susan: How Can I Unconditionally Love My Gay Son? 2014-08-29T10:22:58-05:00 Susan Cottrell

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Dear-Susan

Why is it so hard for many Christian parents to unconditionally love their LGBTQ child? What is the source of the confusion and struggle? I look forward to answering a question I have heard from so many parents: How can I unconditionally love my gay child?

I write Dear Susan posts every Friday. Sometimes they will be poignant, sometimes thought-provoking, sometimes tender, sometimes funny… but hopefully always worth the read. 🙂

Dear Susan,

I’m a Christian mom, and my youngest son came out to me last year…after trying to convince myself and him that he is confused, I have decided to put his fate in God’s hands. However, I’m still having trouble accepting this…do you have any advice? I love my son and we have always had a very close relationship and I don’t want this to drive a wedge between us, but I do not like the person he says he is dating. I feel so confused all the time like if I’m supportive I’m letting God down and sending my son the message that I agree with his choice however if I’m not supportive I’m letting my son down so how is that unconditional love?? Please help if you can.

Concerned Mom

Dear Mom,

I am so glad you are putting your son’s life in God’s hands. After all, that’s where it’s been all along! …but we do live under the illusion that we determine our kids’ fate, don’t we? You are right in your sense that you cannot change this (you can’t), and you’re right to know your disapproval will drive a wedge between the two of you (it will). And your disapproval would likely have a much more negative impact than you even know.

Should you endorse potentially harmful behavior like drugs, promiscuity, crime – of course not! That would true regardless of your child’s orientation. Just remember that orientation is not behavior; it’s nothing they choose nor can they change it. To disapprove of orientation is to disapprove of blue eyes or left-handedness. So you are right that conditional approval of who they are is conditional love.

But are you ‘letting God down’? That is so heavy on people’s hearts as they wrestle with this, because we live in a church-age where we are taught that we are supposed to help other people not sin. Jesus does not teach that.

It’s been so deeply embedded in our churches, which focus on sin-management and behavior-modification, that we somehow feel like God put us on duty and we aren’t going to let any sin happen on our watch! No sirree!

God is the one who works in us, and in our children, about all we do in life. Our job is to trust that and do as Jesus taught, love God and love others.

My job is to love my child unconditionally. Period.

Despite your questions and concerns, you have embraced your son. Many parents don’t. I am proud of you. You are doing well. Stay on the journey. Please continue to simply trust God with your son’s journey, and trust God with yours too.

If you have to choose between doing the “right” thing and love – always choose love and you will always be right.

Bless you, Mama!

– Susan

homosexuality and the bible

Mom I'm Gay

Susan Cottrell

Previous Post

August 28, 2014

We Need Each Other

Next Post

September 2, 2014 How to Deal With Christians When You're Gay

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Church & Religion Dear Susan Family Support Gay Weddings & Marriage GCN Conference Jesus Blog LGBTQ Support Parenting Personal Stories Suicide The Real Jesus Theology Transgender Uncategorized X Archived Posts

Select a Month August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 February 2026 January 2026 December 2025 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 January 2025 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 June 2022 December 2021 May 2021 February 2021 November 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 May 2019 March 2019 January 2019 November 2018 March 2018 January 2018 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Which Christian movement is known for "speaking in tongues" and lively worship?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Pentecostalism Catholicism Quakerism Presbyterianism

Support this
Column