Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Progressive Christian
A Mom Torn Between the Church and her Son

A Mom Torn Between the Church and her Son

Last updated on: January 23, 2014 at 11:46 am by Susan Cottrell

A Mom Torn Between the Church and her Son 2014-01-23T11:46:34-05:00 Susan Cottrell

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

78631142

It’s an awful position to be in. It is a heart wrenching conflict between a parent’s love for a child and their faith. But think about it… those two things should never be in conflict! If they are, something is off-track.

I want to share with you a comment/question that I received from a parent in just such a situation, along with my response…

Comment / Question: Thanks for all of your support, Susan. This has really helped me a lot but I still have lots of reservations/questions. My 24-year-old son came out last year although we knew he was battling this since middle school. He had been in counseling in high school because HE wanted to be “fixed.” Of course that didn’t happen. We are a VERY conservative Christian family so this just goes against what we’ve always been taught…you are not born gay. You may have been born with a predisposition to this but it’s your choice whether or not to act on it. Although this may be true, I just don’t see how God would create someone to have to go through life like this. But then again, the Bible makes it pretty clear. I’ve tried to twist it around to suit me, but my gut feeling is that the Bible is against homosexuality. Our son feels comfortable around us concerning this, especially me (mom), and there’s complete acceptance. He’s been going to gay bars lately (part of his internal acceptance, I think) and that bothers me. I don’t know why but it kind of does. I would never let him know that. Please give me some words that will help comfort these thoughts. I know only God knows the soul, man does not, so it’s not up to us to judge. But it’s still a concern.

My Response: Sweet Paula, I’m so glad you wrote. I know the Bible may SEEM clear to you on this topic, but it’s not clear. Please look at my resources page to find out all sorts of new info you’ve probably never heard before about those few passages. Of course being okay doesn’t sit well with you – how could it when you’ve heard all your life that it’s not okay? The only way it could possibly make sense to you is by God’s intervention in your understanding. I’m very glad you’re accepting. But I want you to have the comfort and peace and joy you seek, not just acceptance. I want God to show you that your son is perfectly fine.

How could God create people predisposed to this, with NO ATTRACTION to the opposite gender as so many people are, and then require them never to act on it? Makes zero sense. But what DOES make sense is that Christians have been wrong countless times before. About imprisoning Galileo and Copernicus for daring to say the earth was not the center of the universe! Or for burning women as witches who didn’t fit the accepted norms for being a woman. Or for beating their slaves to death while quoting verses justifying slavery. People have “prooftexted” verses (pulled our specific verses to prove a point) over the millennia, and it never works – starting with the religious leaders who tried to trick Jesus this way repeatedly. Prooftexted verses crumple the moment you put any weight on them.

You said that your son has had increasing peace and been much happier since he stopped trying to change. That was my daughter’s experience as well. That is an important piece!

Philippians 4:7 says: “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” In other words, His peace will verify that we’re on the right track. That’s an amazing promise — and what a load off our minds! He will give us peace! Conversely, when we are veering off-track, the imminently capable Holy Spirit will “guide us in all truth,” as John tells us.

We have to be willing to trust what we’re hearing from Him when we have heard our entire church lives that it’s NOT okay. That human teaching has been so loud for so long – and it is fallible. It often drowns out God’s still small voice – which is infallible. Doesn’t it?

I strongly encourage you to ask God to prepare your heart as He speaks His heart to you. We just got back from the Gay Christian Network conference in Chicago, where our friends Rob and Linda Robertson were keynote speakers. They were the visual aid for how the church response of resisting our kids’ gayness only leads to death.

Please take a moment to read their story here and watch their video here. It will be eye-opening.

Ask Him to fill your inmost being with his truth. Ask God to help you lay aside what you already believe and to inform you himself instead. He will!

In his abundant love,

Susan

christian parents gay child

christian parents of gay children

christians with gay children

gay christian charity

gay christian community

gay kids

help my child is gay

homosexuality

homosexuality and sin

homosexuality and the bible

homosexuality and the church

how to respond to a gay child

parent of a gay child

parents of gay children

parents of gay kids

Susan Cottrell

to christian parents of gay children

what do you do when your son is gay

what to do if your son is gay

what to do when your son is gay

when your family rejects you

Previous Post

January 22, 2014

Not Your Mama's Church Choir!

Next Post

January 24, 2014 Daddy? You're Kicking Me Out??

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Church & Religion Dear Susan Family Support Gay Weddings & Marriage GCN Conference Jesus Blog LGBTQ Support Parenting Personal Stories Suicide The Real Jesus Theology Transgender Uncategorized X Archived Posts

Select a Month August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 February 2026 January 2026 December 2025 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 January 2025 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 June 2022 December 2021 May 2021 February 2021 November 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 May 2019 March 2019 January 2019 November 2018 March 2018 January 2018 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

True or False: Hebrews teaches that Jesus is the mediator of a new covenant.

Select your answer to see how you score.

TRUE FALSE

Support this
Column