Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Progressive Christian
A Love Letter to the LGBTQ from a Christian Mom

A Love Letter to the LGBTQ from a Christian Mom

Last updated on: June 19, 2013 at 11:06 am by Susan Cottrell

A Love Letter to the LGBTQ from a Christian Mom 2013-06-19T11:06:50-05:00 Susan Cottrell

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

“They kicked me out on my 18th birthday for being gay… I’ve tried to contact them… I don’t know if they still love me.” Jonathan Allen, America’s Got Talent

My husband and I sat stunned as this young man sang Pavarotti on “America’s Got Talent.” Tears filled our eyes as his story settled on us, that his parents kicked him out for being gay. My husband said in a shaky voice, “How could they be so ungrateful for this son they’ve been given?” I just shook my head. We know that Jonathan Allen represents countless LGBTQ whose parents don’t fully accept their children as they are. My heart weeps.

Over the years, I have had to face my own shortcomings with my children—my ingratitude, selfishness, immaturity. Any honest parent will admit to falling short and taking their kids for granted. I have had to seek forgiveness from my children, and I’ve written them love letters to express my heart for them. Every parent makes mistakes, and love is a healing balm.

So I write this love letter to you, the LGBTQ women and men who have been hurt and rejected by those who were supposed to care for you the most. It is a letter long overdue. If your parents can’t express their love to you right now, let me speak instead. Let these words saturate your deepest being. Wherever you are in your life, this love letter is for you.

You are worthy of love. God created you in His image. For this reason alone, you are love-worthy, regardless of your actions or thoughts, both good and bad, or of what you’ve been told to the contrary. Simply by God’s declaration, by your existence as His creation, you are love-worthy. Love is your birthright!

You deserve a place to belong. You need a place where if you don’t show up for dinner, they go find you, because you belong, because they want you there. We have plenty of social media, yet most of us experience a crushing need for community. Don’t be afraid of your need for others, because you were designed to flourish in relationship. You were meant to be part of a greater whole. Instead, seek out community for yourself and move toward those who love you. It’s okay to let people love you.

People’s judgment reveals them, not you. When they say harsh things, or condemn or reject you, that comes from their heart, not yours. If someone offers advice that can help you grow, take it and keep it. Let the rest roll off you and don’t think about it again. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Shame is that feeling of being defective that slumps our shoulders. Shame says, “Something is fundamentally wrong with me.” There is nothing fundamentally wrong with you — you are made in God’s image! If you are lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgendered, you do not have to own shame. You are worthy of love and belonging and being missed by those who love you. People may condemn you, but they reveal themselves, not you. Rest in that place.

Parents’ mistakes do not reflect on you. Speaking as a mother of five, I know first hand that parents sometimes blow it big time. We might be afraid, angry, hurt, unprepared, immature or selfish. Sometimes you stir up an old wound, and we take it out on you. I’m so sorry. Parents react or reject for their own reasons, and none of that is your responsibility. Disappointment with ourselves clouds our judgment of our children. We can be ignorant and stubborn. I wish it were not true! To hear condemnation from those closest to you really hurts. We want their support, and it’s hard not to internalize what they say. I have said things that came straight out of my parent’s mouth, and I am horrified. Your parents’ harsh words are not about you. The more you can recognize that their judgment is not about you, the freer you will be. Others will hurt you too, and that doesn’t reflect on you either. You may have heard terrible things from friends, Christians or pastors. Their words reflect their own fear and beliefs. Letting go of the hurt is like the freedom of relaxing a clenched fist; do it for you, not for them.

God loves you fully, exactly as you are. You may boldly approach Him in His grace through Jesus Christ. You get to call Him Daddy. I realize the idea of “father” may be a landmine for you, but God is not like a human dad. God loves you without conditions. God is not disappointed in you. He approves of you. Any judgment or condemnation you have heard attributed to Him are not from Him. He is the very existence of love, and His love is for you.

It really will get better! Rock bottom is a cold and lonely place. I’ve been at rock bottom many times—I keep a toothbrush there. But I have always recovered, and I’m always glad for what I learned while I was there. Even though it’s hard to believe when you’re on the bottom looking up, it will get better. Learn to recognize the hands that reach down to help you.

Even if your family has rejected you, allow people around you to become your family. When Jonathan Allen walked onto the America’s Got Talent stage, he was nervous and afraid—rejection takes such a toll. But Howie Mandel said, “This show has become your family. Welcome home.” Other LGBTQ individuals and allies will love you as family—reach out and find them. Let people love you. Welcome home!

Click here to read “Why Hoping For Change Can Hurt.”

Family Support

LGBTQ Support

against homosexuality

america's got talent

are people born gay?

bible and homosexuality

bible homosexuality

born gay?

born that way?

Christian gay marriage

Christian is gay

Christians and gay marriage

gay christian community

gay rights

homosexuality

homosexuality and the bible

homosexuality and the church

homosexuality sin bible

open conversation between gays and christians

parent help

parents of gay children

to christian parents of gay children

what do you do when your son is gay

what is homosexuality

Previous Post

June 13, 2013

Why Hoping for Change Can Hurt

Next Post

June 20, 2013 Truth and Love Win Out

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Church & Religion Dear Susan Family Support Gay Weddings & Marriage GCN Conference Jesus Blog LGBTQ Support Parenting Personal Stories Suicide The Real Jesus Theology Transgender Uncategorized X Archived Posts

Select a Month August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 February 2026 January 2026 December 2025 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 January 2025 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 June 2022 December 2021 May 2021 February 2021 November 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 May 2019 March 2019 January 2019 November 2018 March 2018 January 2018 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What is the main theme of the Ten Commandments?

Select your answer to see how you score.

How to be successful How to live in Jewish society How to live and treat others How to earn your way to Heaven

Support this
Column