Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Evangelical
What To Do When Other Christians Hurt You – 8 Responses

What To Do When Other Christians Hurt You – 8 Responses

Last updated on: June 26, 2021 at 4:10 am by Frank Viola

What To Do When Other Christians Hurt You – 8 Responses 2021-01-10T10:01:10-04:00 Frank Viola

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

When Martha complained to Jesus about Mary on His first visit to Bethany, Mary could have chosen to be offended by her sister. But there is no indication that she felt that way. She also could have taken offense when Judas and the disciples protested against her act of extravagant worship. But again, there is no indication that she did.

Don’t make the mistake of underestimating the pain that was inflicted upon Mary in both situations. Here was a woman who loved her Lord with all her heart, and she was unfairly criticized for it. Not by her enemies, but once by her sister and another time by some of the Lord’s own disciples.

It reminds me of the old adage, “No good deed shall go unpunished.”

The words of Elbert Hubbard come to mind: “To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.”

In both cases, Mary never opened her mouth to defend herself or her actions. In silence, she entrusted the matter to her Lord. And in both instances, Jesus rose to her defense.

Point: there will always be some Christians who will undermine and denigrate your good actions.

T. Austin-Sparks once wrote, “If you get upset, offended, and go off and sulk, and nurse your grievance, you will die.”

With that in mind, here are eight things I’ve learned about being offended by others:

(1) Christians will hurt your feelings

Because of the fall, this will happen. Sometimes a person acts with malicious intent, desiring to hurt you because they don’t like you or they’ve chosen to be offended by you. Other times they will hurt you without realizing it.

I’m sure that when the other disciples chimed in with Judas’ complaint, they weren’t trying to hurt Mary. It was just the result of fleshly judgment.

(2) When others hurt you, your spiritual maturity will be revealed

You will discover how real your relationship with Jesus Christ is when your feelings get hurt. You can be the greatest speaker, the greatest worshipper, or the greatest evangelist, but when your feelings are hurt, what you do at that moment and afterward will reveal the reality of your relationship with Jesus.

People have one of two reactions when their feelings get hurt: they deal with it before the Lord, or they destroy others.

Mary left it in the hands of Christ.

(3) God intends to use mistreatments for our good

Recall the mistreatment that Joseph endured at the hands of his own brothers. Joseph took it from the hand of God, saying, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good.”

Remember King David when Abishai cursed him? David chose not to kill his detractor, but instead he saw the persecution in light of God’s sovereign hand.

To paraphrase Romans 8:28, everything that comes into our lives, whether good or evil, first passed through the hands of a sovereign, loving God before it got to us. And He uses it for our good.

Once you make peace with God’s sovereignty and His ability to write straight with crooked lines, the more at peace you will be with those who mistreat you. While God is not the author of confusion or evil, He seeks to use all things for our transformation.

When Jesus defended Mary, He transformed her act into an immortal example of what real worship entails. Her example was such that we’re still talking about it two thousand years later.

(4) Christians often get offended by reading into words and actions

This usually happens when a person is oversensitive and thinskinned. In my experience, this makes up most cases in which a Christian takes offense at another believer.

As a group, Christians are the most easily offended people in the world when we should be the least. While Mary was mistreated twice, she didn’t take offense.

(5) Christians often get offended with a person when they believe false accusations against them

Wise and discerning Christians who have been around the block ignore gossip that puts other believers in a bad light. In fact, in the eyes of the wise and discerning believer, any statement that has a defamatory tone is discredited out of the gate.

When wise and discerning believers are concerned about someone, they go straight to the person privately as Jesus taught us to do, asking questions rather than making allegations.

Some Christians, however, never think to do this. Instead, they readily believe slanderous allegations about a sister or brother in Christ without ever going to that person first.

The question “How would I want to be treated if someone were saying these things about me?” never seems to occur to them. The life of Jesus Christ always leads us to live that question. The flesh always leads us in the opposite direction.

Remember, Satan is the slanderer (that’s what “Devil” means), and he uses gossip to destroy relationships. That’s why the Bible says that believing gossip separates close friends and that one of the seven things the Lord hates is “sowing seeds of discord among brethren.”

(6) What you do with a hurt is a choice you make

You can choose to be offended and make a friend out of your hurt, feed it, take it out for daily walks, cuddle it, and protect it until it destroys you and others. A root of bitterness, if allowed to live, will defile many and prove destructive to your own spirit.

You can also choose to be offended and retaliate actively or passively.

Or you can choose to live by Christ and bring your hurt to God. Sometimes the Lord will lead you to go to the person and talk to them in a gracious manner, seeking reconciliation.

Other times He will lead you to forebear it, take it to the cross, let it go, and move on. “A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.”

Sometimes He will show you that you’ve completely misinterpreted the actions of another.

In cases of repeated abuse, which I’m not addressing in this post, getting others involved is often wise and necessary.

Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you should enable that person to commit a crime or continue to devastate the lives of others.

(7) To be offended by a child of God is to be offended by God

When Jesus began preaching in His hometown of Nazareth, He offended His neighbors. They stumbled over Him and rejected who He really was.

When you choose to take offense at another Christian, you are rejecting who they are in Christ. Thus it affects your relationship with Jesus, whether you realize it or not. Why?

Because Christ and His body are connected, so “if you’ve done it to the least of these my brethren, you’ve done it unto Me.”

Again, I’m not equating being offended with being hurt.

(8) You can live free from offense

This doesn’t mean that you will never be hurt. Nor does it mean that you will never be angry. Jesus got angry. Remember His temple tantrum? Paul said, “Be angry and sin not. Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath.”

Anger is a normal human emotion when someone abuses you or abuses someone you care about. But what you do with your anger determines whether or not it is sin.

In addition, we should always be “quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” The Lord has called us to the high road of living without offense. And He has given us both the power and the will to do His good pleasure in this
area.

Excerpted from God’s Favorite Place on Earth

Uncategorized

Previous Post

June 25, 2021

Humanity’s Greatest Disappointment

Next Post

June 27, 2021 Overcoming Bitterness

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Uncategorized

Select a Month October 2026 September 2026 August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 January 2026 December 2025 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

According to Jesus, what should you do when you pray?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Pray loudly for show Only pray at church Pray in secret Pray once a year