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Am I Gay? A New Book

Am I Gay? A New Book

Last updated on: April 17, 2024 at 11:02 am by Frank Viola

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Am I Gay? A New Book 2024-04-17T11:02:08-04:00 Frank Viola

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All who take the SCRIBE online training receive a full complimentary print interview on their new book on this blog. 98% of those who take the SCRIBE training complete their book within a year and get it published. They either self publish or contract with a professional publisher.

Garry Ingraham is one of those authors, and he recently published a book called Am I Gay? Coming Out of Cultural Christianity and LGBTQ+ Identity into Authentic Faith In Jesus.

Garry has quite a personal story, and he tells some of it in his book. I caught up with Garry recently to ask him questions about his book.

Enjoy!

How long did it take you to the write the book from the very beginning to the time you turned the manuscript into the printer or publisher?

It took about a year to write my book … it felt a lot longer.

Most readers want to know the answer to this question when they consider buying the book – what’s in it for me? Why do I want to spend the money and time on buying your book? What am I going to get out of it? Please answer this question.

I wrote this book for pastors/counselors, moms and dads, as well as those personally struggling with identity issues, or sexual sin. Because of the fall, we are all impacted to one degree or another by our sexuality. Nearly everyone knows a family member, friends, or co-worker who embraces some form of LGBTQ+ identity. I wrote this book to encourage strugglers desiring hope and a different way to live, and to equip those who love them or have a role of shepherding care in their lives.

The subject of being gay is a profoundly controversial issue today. What do you say to those who confidently assert that being gay is not a choice; it’s something a person is born into? (They would argue that no sane person would “choose” to be gay given the stigma attached to it.) What say you?

Christians sound like idiots when they assert that being gay is a choice. While we do choose our behaviors, we discover our feelings. For most of us, this was not a happy revelation.

We didn’t want these feelings, but we also didn’t know what to do with them. And the Church certainly wasn’t lining up at our door with encouraging, biblical answers, or offers of friendship to walk a very hard journey with a same-sex struggler – or for that matter, even a dude dealing with a hetero-porn and chronic masturbation issue.

Of course, we can strengthen (or reduce) our feelings based upon our behavioral choices and the thoughts we either take authority over (2 Corinthians 10:5) or cultivate (Matthew 5:28).

Even lesbian researcher Dr. Lisa Diamond has admitted that sexual fluidity research clearly reveals that homosexuality is neither genetic nor immutable. The results of identical twin studies support this view.

Over the last two decades, my wife and I have had many conversations, with hundreds of men and women who once identified with some form of LGBTQ+. While every story is unique, there have also been core themes of similarity for the vast majority.

From my experience and, up-close-and-personal-seat to many others, the idea that nurture and environment does not play a significant role in the complex development of same-sex attraction, gender dysphoria, or a non-binary identity, etc… is simply, ludicrous.

Over the years, proving evidence of a “gay-gene” has been a pursuit and passion for many. Countless hours and money have been thrown at attempts to pin-point such evidence, but without success.

A related question: What is your response to the arguments used by those who profess to be Christians who defend same-sex relationships?

I desperately wanted to find a “loop-hole” in the scriptures so I could justify a relationship with God, my homosexual identity, and my boyfriend or future husband. To my frustration and dismay, as I read through the Bible passages (in both the old and new testaments) addressing homosexuality, as well as consider other scriptural teachings on being made in the image of God, male and female, and the purpose of sexual union between husband and wife, and the way these two uniquely correspond to one another, I could not honestly settle into a revisionist twisting of the obvious biblical teachings to suit my own desires. Or lead others into this falsehood for my own comfort and justification.

The Bible speaks often about false teachers and false profits. Jesus Himself is very clear and harsh in His rebuke of the churches in Revelation chapters 2 & 3 who were supporting the behavior and teaching that justified sexual promiscuity. It is no surprise that this practice of false teaching is alive and well today by those who claim faith. I believe some are deceived (as Paul warns in 1 Corinthians 6:9) and some worship a god of their appetite (Philippians 3:19), claiming that as some form of Christian virtue and tolerance.

Share 3 “aha” moments that struck you the most when you were doing research for your book.

First, as I was rehashing my own story and life experiences, I wrote in my book about a period during my teenage years when I was convinced that women were so much better than men. I felt that I should have been born a girl rather than a boy. Everything about me seemed wired toward the feminine. I felt like I was a cosmic mistake. I never considered myself to be transgender because that wasn’t a known issue back then.

I never tried to socially transition, never took cross-sex hormones, and didn’t pursue surgery to remove perfectly healthy body parts. But there is zero doubt in my mind that if my 13 or 14-year-old self were present in this culture I would have been labeled and ushered onto the nearest transgender conveyor belt toward Irreversible Damage (a must-read book by Abigail Shrier regarding rapid onset gender dysphoria (ROGD)).

Second, I already knew it was true, so it wasn’t a total “aha moment”, but just reading about the reinforcement of the need and value for strong and tender expressions of masculinity, for salient fathers, and attuned husbands was encouraging. This was a deeply refreshing message that many men (young and old) need to hear and internalize, aspiring to become a good and godly expression of masculinity, made in His image.

Third, friends were so generous to share their retreat in the mountains with me on a few occasions. While recalling and writing alone, I had several experiences of weeping in gratitude for what God has so graciously and patiently formed (and continues to) – leading me into the joy of being a husband to my wife and a father to my boys. In my sin and rebellion, I could have so easy been lost in my own blind wanderings and the empty pursuits that can easily rob us of the best years of our lives. I lost many years, but God has restored them all. Nothing is wasted when given to Him.

For those who don’t read too many books, give us a two or three paragraph summary of the key points you make in the book.

In chapter 1 I combined my mom and dad’s story to give an understanding of some of the brokenness they were bringing into their parenting and family, and just of sense of a bit of their own background.

I adore my parents and am so grateful for their lives, but being honest about brokenness is where healing actually begins.

I spent the next 4 chapters unpacking my story alongside an understanding of the four primary stages of development. And encourage the reader to engage their own story as they read through these chapters and also interact with the questions at the end of each chapter.

My story is about a faithful God who is gracious beyond all measure. My hope is that strugglers, mom/dads, pastors, or counselors read these pages and gain deep insights for themselves, insights and compassion for others, and a hope that rekindles their faith to walk the sometimes long, hard, but rewarding journey with Jesus and His Church.

Based on the feedback so far, what are readers saying about the book?

While I do not have a ton of reviews yet, those that are posted are all 5-star. While the reviews are very different, it’s clear that nearly everyone picked up on and great appreciated the authenticity of the story and my willingness to not hold back in describing the struggle of my journey.

I tried to be very purposeful in not holding back the feelings and craziness I was living in, without being unnecessarily graphic. I wanted to give God the glory He is due, as best I can, and certainly not glorify the flesh in any way.

There are also comments about how helpful it was to read an honest depiction of what it was like to grow up in the church throughout all of these struggles.

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