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All I Once Held

All I Once Held

Last updated on: May 25, 2018 at 1:06 pm by Frank Viola

All I Once Held 2018-05-25T13:06:11-04:00 Frank Viola

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Today, I interview Gaylynne Sword who has just come out with a powerfully engaging new book called All I Once Held. I only endorse one or two books a year, and I’ve endorsed this one.

Let’s plunge right into the interview. And if you like reading fiction, Gaylynne’s book is a quick, compelling read. So pick up a copy.

Instead of asking, “What is your book about?” I’m going to ask the question that’s behind that question. And that unspoken question is, “how are readers going to benefit from reading your book?”

Gaylynne Sword: When writing fiction, it is easy to get hung up on the pure entertainment value of the work. Many people read fiction in order to “escape” and many believe that reading fiction is a waste of time because it adds no value to their life beyond entertainment.

I have to say that I rarely read to simply be entertained (not that there’s anything wrong with that.) The stories I am drawn to make me think, challenge me in some way, and are very relatable. These are the type of stories I tend to write. I want my readers to see themselves in the characters I’ve created, relate to many of their experiences, and find hope as they join them in their journey.

All I Once Held will challenge readers to look closely at their relationships and consider how they have kept secrets or perpetuated shame about some aspect of life they deem “unsavory.” It brings up questions about how the church, more specifically, western evangelical Christianity, has dealt with brokenness and depression. It also shows how our current model of church has set its leaders up for failure and shame as they realize they can never meet the expectations placed upon them by their followers.

Tell us a bit about the experiences that shaped the insights in your book.

Gaylynne Sword: I spent about 15 years of my young adult life immersed in the belly of the business of western Christianity. Through circumstances much like those experienced by Katy, I was saved, by grace, from a series of bad decisions and unfortunate events. I became involved in an evangelical movement on my college campus, met my husband on a mission trip sponsored by this organization, and ended up working at their international headquarters after graduating.

We joined a mega-Baptist church, made many Baptist friends, and fell comfortably into a life lived in what we came to call the Christian Ghetto. Before I go on, I want to make something very clear. I am very grateful for this time of my life.

I grew in my faith, became knowledgeable of the Bible, and had countless beautiful experiences. But through the years God began to reveal to us that much of what we had come to rely upon for our “spiritual well-being” was not of Him, but of man. We saw some things that happened—damaging things perpetuated in the name of God—that were nothing more than subtle manipulations of God’s Word to meet the will and way of people.

Slowly, He began breaking down the barriers of religion and revealed to us the beauty and power of our relationship with Him and His body—not within the wall of a church or an organization, but on the streets, in community with others. He allowed me to see things that I had come to believe as truth in a different light. I took Katy on much of that journey through the pages of All I Once Held.

What do you hope readers will walk away with after they finish your book?

Gaylynne Sword: Ultimately, I want my readers will find hope in my book. It touches on some pretty heavy stuff: secrets, shame, suicide…but ultimately, it’s a story of redemption, rebirth, and unconditional love. I hope my readers will come away from it knowing, that no matter what they’ve been through, they can be set free from the damage of broken relationships, depression, unmet expectations, and destructive religion. Love wins. Every time. It always will.

Who do you see benefiting the most from reading your book?

Gaylynne Sword: In the past I’ve considered my writing to be primarily for women. I guess, well, because I am one and I tend to talk about things that women relate to most. But with All I Once Held, I think I’ve reached a wider audience.

Anyone who has grown up in “church” or have experienced some of the pitfalls of organized religion will benefit. Mothers and daughters will benefit. I know that it has spoken deeply to some present and former pastors. Anyone who has experienced depression and/or the devastation of suicide will benefit from Katy’s story. I also believe that it’s not only religious or church cultures that have caused harm in the lives of those living with depression and shame.

Family expectations, cultural norms, any number of influences can cause a person to hide the reality of their lives from others. In other words, I don’t think that this book will benefit only those that call themselves “Christians.” That’s my hope, at least.

What have been the controversial parts of the book for evangelical Christians?

Gaylynne Sword: I suppose it might make many in the evangelical world a little uncomfortable. Whenever light shines on those things we like to keep hidden in the corners, we can recoil a bit. But that’s a good thing. This story is played out in one way or another in churches across the country.

Broken relationships, affairs, cover-ups, and scandals are prevalent and sad. But what is even sadder is the heart issues that are hidden within the evangelical community. It’s like we think that once we ask Jesus into our hearts we suddenly have all our stuff together. And if we reveal that there’s a problem, people might question the validity of our faith or somehow want their money back.

When Jesus walked on earth, he walked amongst the most unlikely of characters. The great heroes of the Bible all had plenty of baggage accompanying them. It baffles me how the Christian community has politicized morality and perpetuated a culture of shame that is in direct opposition of the example Jesus gave us before returning to his Father.

One of your desires is to help people “embrace their story.” Could you tell us a little more about that?

Gaylynne Sword: I feel that many of the struggles and addictions and sin we all wrestle with throughout life stem from us wanting to change our story. We lie. We hide. We cover up. We do any number of things to try and rewrite the pages of our book, so to speak.

But it is my belief that every aspect of our story—the good, the bad, and the ugly of it all—is significant and powerful. It is my desire to encourage people to embrace the wholeness of who they are and what they’ve been through, to share their story honestly, without fear or shame. Because when we tell a true story, lives are truly changed for the better.

We are all guilty of putting on airs in one way or another, but I feel that those in faith communities are under even more pressure to fancy up the facade and only let people see the pretty parts. The damage this charade does to our souls is devastating. Anger, depression, addiction, adultery, and suicide are just some of the results of this secrecy.

It is so sad to me that Jesus came to love UNCONDITIONALLY and to set us free from sin and shame, but we just keep hiding and lying about who we really are in a weird attempt to make Him look better. He can handle our stuff. In fact, He was nailed to the cross for it!

Tell us about the title of the book.

Gaylynne Sword: I had a heck of a time coming up with a title for this book. For my first novel I had two titles that I really liked, but this one alluded me for a long time. It was actually two songs that helped me come up with it. “All I Once Held Dear,” by Graham Kendrick is my eleven-year-old’s favorite “church” song.

When we gather it has become kind of a joke, because he always chooses to sing it. The lyrics start, “All I once held dear, Built my life upon, All this world reveres, And wants to own, All I once thought gain I have counted loss, Spent and worthless now, Compared to this, Knowing You Jesus, knowing You, There is no greater thing…” It wasn’t just the frequency of hearing this song that got it stuck in my mind, it was the truth behind the words…that there are many things in my life I’ve held on to as truth and comfort, but I’ve had to learn to let go of all of these things in order to have an authentic relationship with Jesus.

The other is “Kathy’s Song” by Simon and Garfunkel, where they sing, “And so you see I have come to doubt all that I once held as true. I stand alone without beliefs, the only truth I know is you.”

It’s so easy to get stuck in a paradigm of false truths and to get distracted from what is real and meaningful by trying to hold on to these paradigms, even when we begin to see their flaws. Through a painful, long process of pulling away from all she once held as true, Katy came to the realization that she had to let go of everything, in order to regain a hold on what mattered the most.

Your story seems so real, that readers might wonder how much of it is true and/or your own story. What is your writing process like and how much of the book is born out of your own life experiences?

Gaylynne Sword: This is inevitably the first question everyone asks me and they might think I’m just being cute when I say, “Everything I write is true accept for the stuff I make up.” But this is the truth. Everything I write is born out of my life experiences in one way or another.

In fact, I have found when I’ve tried to write stories or start novels that were not based on one of the big, life-changing moments of my own life, they have died slow, sad deaths and landed in my slush pile of abandoned manuscripts. The process I use is to take a “life-changer,” one of the big events that has shaped who I am and what I know, and then I ask “what if?”

How would the story have been different if this had happened, instead of that? What might have happened if she had done this, instead of that? So the stories and events in my book all happened to me, or someone I know well, but many details have been changed, created, or amplified in someway. I don’t know if that makes sense, but it’s what I do.

What’s next for you? Are you working on anything new?

Gaylynne Sword: Yes, in fact, I have started writing a sequel to All I Once Held, which is telling Ivy Rose’s side of the story. We are going to get to see where she went, what she was thinking, and what happened in her life when she was reunited with her mother.

I am blogging more, sharing my thoughts and insights, and encouraging others to courageously share their own stories. I’m also hoping to start doing some public speaking about the whole concept of “embracing your story.”

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