Unique Christmas Gift: become a post-rapture pet caretaker for a loved one.

Last updated on: December 4, 2013 at 2:13 pm by Benjamin L. Corey

Unique Christmas Gift: become a post-rapture pet caretaker for a loved one. 2013-12-04T14:13:29-05:00 Benjamin L. Corey

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Well friends, it’s the Christmas season again and time to start thinking about ways we might generously give to others. Not being a fan of American consumerism, I’m all for finding ways we can serve other people instead of wasting our money on needless junk that’s just going to end up sold for 10 cents at a yard sale one day.

So, here’s the perfect opportunity for you to give back: register to become a post-rapture pet caretaker.

Seriously, have you wondered about the fallout if we’re wrong about rejecting the doctrine of the rapture?

The potential fallout is huge: we will likely be left behind for a hellish period of 7 years (even though 7 years isn’t in the Bible either, if I’m wrong on the rapture everything else is fair game). During that time, if we want show God and our neighbors that we’re really sorry for listening to legitimate scholars like NT Wright instead of fundies with honorary doctorates, we should probably get busy loving our neighbors (and resisting the mark of the beast) for the FULL seven years (seriously, we need to work every minute of those seven years). One of the best ways we could love our raptured neighbors would be to take care of their pets while they are gone for the tribulation. When they return to the earth for what would be the 3rd coming of Christ, to kick of the millennium (another doctrine I will clearly have erred on), we’ll be able to present them a peace offering: their well cared for pets, instead of a world overrun by feral cats (which would be, hell).

(Seriously– who is going to take care of the pets? Pets always seem to get left out of eschatological discussions.)

I say, this Christmas we can reject consumerism, get in the Christmas spirit, give generously, and have a backup plan for the apocalypse all at the same time.

The thoughtful folks over at After The Rapture Pet Care have kindly been compiling a list of post-rapture volunteers for the last few years. In the event that we are totally wrong on our eschatology, we’ll be called up for service to retrieve pets from the homes of our fundamentalist friends and care for them until the battle of Armageddon. It seems only fair to both our neighbors, and all the pets of the world. Sure, it might take us a few years to clean up from the plane crashes, car wrecks, and horrid earthquakes, but when all is said and done, what about the cats? That’s where volunteering for After The Rapture Pet Care could help (a) care for God’s creation (b) build community with others and (c) keep us productive for the last 4 years of the tribulation.

(They say they’re building a network of non-Christian volunteers, but presumably we Christians who reject the doctrine of the rapture would be left behind as well, if for no other reason than just to give us a good scare.)

So, this year instead of giving your rapture believing family and friends an ugly tie or one of those bible covers with handles, why not give them a gift that will benefit them even when they are gone for the tribulation? Just sign up to become a post-rapture pet caregiver on behalf of family and friends in your area! In your family or friend’s Christmas card this year simply indicate that instead of a typical gift, this year you’re giving a gift that will keep on giving for seven full, hellish years: the gift of caring for their pet during the tribulation.

If you’re sending your card electronically, you could also include this promotional video:

Think creatively this holiday season– don’t just give a gift that will last a few months, or become obsolete in a few years, give the gift of peace of mind that their pets are safe— one that will last seven long years of tribulation (until God destroys the earth with fire).

Be sure to sign up today at this link!

Merry Christmas, everyone– even pets.

Previous Post

December 3, 2013

How Not to Sing 'O Holy Night'

Next Post

December 6, 2013 Really, Atheists? You can do better than this.

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Abuse Adoption Asked & Answered Atheism Atonement Bible Book Calvinism Christian Culture Christian Nonviolence Christmas Church Church Killing Lies Community Creation Care Creationism End Times Evergreen Forgiveness Fundamentalism Gender Gender Equality Ghosting Grief Guns Healthcare Hell Hermeneutics Holy Land Human Trafficking Hunger Immigration Islam Israel Jesus Justice Lent Letting Go Of Hell Series LGBT Life Mark Driscoll Missiology Most Popular Posts Nationalism Old Testament Open Theism Parenting Persecution Political Poverty Prayer Pro-Life Pro-llife ethic Progressive Christianity Prosperity Gospel Put It To Bed Series Race Sincere Questions Suicide Prevention That God Show Theology To Those Christians Who Say Travel Unafraid Uncategorized War What Franklin Graham Is Wrong About Today

Select a Month October 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz