{"id":2760,"date":"2024-07-09T11:00:03","date_gmt":"2024-07-09T15:00:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/fleshofmyflesh\/?p=2760"},"modified":"2024-08-04T21:33:09","modified_gmt":"2024-08-05T01:33:09","slug":"on-sex-evangelicals-need-to-get-real","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/fleshofmyflesh\/2024\/07\/on-sex-evangelicals-need-to-get-real\/","title":{"rendered":"On Sex, Evangelicals Need to Get Real"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

Sometimes a banana is not just a banana. Photo by Mockup Graphics on Unsplash<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/p>

Even as evangelical thinkers emphasize the importance of our gendered bodies to sexual identity<\/a>, there is a parallel, persistent, consternating, and somewhat contrary message on sex (as in sexual activity): that it actually isn\u2019t so important, relatively speaking.<\/p>\n

For instance, Todd Wilson\u2019s book, Mere Sexuality<\/em>, arguably undermines<\/a> the significance of sex. More recently, in a June sermon<\/a> to clergy attending the Global South Fellowship of Anglican Churches (GSFA) in Cairo, Egypt, Rev. Sam Ferguson of The Falls Church Anglican<\/a> called on the church to de-emphasize \u201cunmet sexual longings\u201d in an emergent LGBTQ+ culture. He presented what I would essentially call the \u201csex is not that important in the big scheme of things\u201d argument as the Biblical alternative to a \u201cwestern\u201d preoccupation with sex:<\/p>\n

\u201cIn the West, with modern medicine, we have really good lives, and what a really good life will do, with a lot of options, is to make heaven really dim. And so, the notion that you would live life with unmet sexual longings is anathema. We should look at the New Testament. It\u2019s par for the course. In fact, things could go from bad to worse if you follow Jesus\u2026if you\u2019re a Christian, relax. You live forever\u2026.your unmet sexual longings \u2013 Paul would say, they\u2019re not even worth comparing to the glories of heaven.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

In other words: unmet sexual longings are a first-world problem. We aren\u2019t in a war zone; we aren\u2019t suffering from famine; we aren\u2019t even being persecuted for our faith. Jesus and his followers suffered immensely, and we should expect the same. Those of us with unmet sexual longings have \u201creally good lives\u201d otherwise, and we need to get a grip. Suffering is just what happens to Christians, so get in line. Focusing on sex in this life makes light of heaven. We need an attitude adjustment, we need to \u201crelax\u201d because our desires here aren\u2019t \u201cworth comparing to the glories of heaven.\u201d<\/p>\n

Of course when we suffer, considering the wider context \u2013 whether that\u2019s another part of the world, or different era, or the other side of this life \u2013 can be a legitimate exercise that helps us come to terms with our individual, temporal distress. But is it compassionate or even sensible to effectively dismiss unmet sexual longings through this discourse of relativity? The situation of another person can always<\/em> be worse than ours. I might tell my daughter that when she\u2019s being petty, but I would hopefully never<\/em> say that if she were experiencing deep pain.<\/p>\n

Unmet sexual longings: the Genesis response<\/h2>\n* ** A more compelling response to unmet sexual longings can be found in Genesis. God gave Adam a sexual partner because it was \u201cnot good for the man to be alone\u201d (Gen. 2:18). God creates humans male and female, and sex is God\u2019s first command to us (Gen. 1:28). Human existence \u2013 by God\u2019s design \u2013 depends on sex, and we are literally designed for<\/em> sex. These facts seem evidence enough of the importance of sex, not only to God\u2019s grand creative design but to our identities as male and female.<\/em><\/p>\n ** On a fundamental level, our bodies tell us both who we are<\/em> (male or female) and what we are made for.<\/em> Let\u2019s not bifurcate form and function, giving precedence to the former over the latter. Let\u2019s not diminish sex while upholding our gendered forms as sacrosanct. These efforts may be well-intentioned but are misguided to the extent that they ultimately rely on a false dualism reminiscent of pagan thinking. If you are going to celebrate male and female as categories of being human \u2013 please keep it real and celebrate what that means functionally <\/em>for most of us.<\/p>\n ** I get the church\u2019s predicament. They want to bring a message of hope to those who struggle with sexual orientation. But the most compelling story is the one that is true<\/em>. What needs to be diminished is the fallen expression of sexual behavior, not sex itself. Evangelicals are grasping at the wrong counter-argument.<\/p>\n ** Not everyone is into sex, nor is sex something you should do however and whenever desired. But I am sick of the church\u2019s messaging that sex is not all that important. For most people, at least at some point in their lives, that simply isn\u2019t true. All you have to do to understand the importance of sex is look at your own body: sex is what you\u2019re made for.<\/em><\/p>\n ** *Maybe that truth resonates more in western societies where people are less economically, socially, and politically afflicted.<\/p>\n Do you want to be well?*** ** on sex<\/span><\/h2>\n ** Wherever we are, we should respond compassionately to the suffering within and around us. However our \u201cwestern\u201d problems compare with those in the rest of the world, they are still real. I wonder if the deep agony<\/em> of unmet sexual longing is most keenly felt where people are otherwise thriving.<\/p>\n ** Yes, we have heaven to look forward to. That fact can make suffering more bearable. But our glorious future doesn\u2019t free us to forgo the pursuit of justice in our painful present, however that pain presents itself.<\/p>\n ** When Jesus asked the sick man, \u201cDo you want to be well?\u201d (John 5:6), he wasn\u2019t talking about later in heaven; he was talking about now. <\/em>He didn\u2019t say, \u201cStop being preoccupied with your unmet physical needs, your lack of wellbeing \u2013 just relax! You\u2019re going to heaven, where everything will be fixed.\u201d He didn\u2019t say, \u201cTake it easy; at least you\u2019re not in a war zone.\u201d Jesus didn\u2019t relativize his suffering. He brought real healing, not by reminding him of a future heaven<\/em> but by bringing heaven<\/em> to his broken body.<\/p>\n ** While healing miracles are rare, Jesus\u2019 example begs the question: Are we keeping it real? Are we helping people address the pain of their unmet sexual longings? Or are we unintentionally papering over their pain with a cheerful eschatology?<\/p>\n ** ***Because God made human beings for sex (just look at your body), for many of us, sex will be an important part of our personal fulfillment and wellbeing. To downplay the importance of sex to human beings, individually and collectively, is ultimately to denigrate the Creator, who inscribed sex into our bodies and made it foundational both to our existence and our thriving (Gen. 1:28). Those who feel in their bodies God\u2019s particular call to \u201cbe fruitful and multiply,\u201d but who nevertheless choose celibacy, for whatever reason, may have an extremely difficult road to walk. While we, as Christians, should not expect our personal desires to always be met on this fallen earth, it can be particularly painful when desires that cut to the core of our identity and calling as male and female are crushed. <\/em><\/strong>In this context, whatever \u201cwellness\u201d looks like, it should be grounded by the stark reality of our present loss as much as by the reality of our ultimate redemption.<\/p>\n Sex as song<\/h2>\n*** ** ***Sex is the song of our bodies. It permeates creation with its joyful, deafening roar, a roar that, through our resurrected sexual bodies, will carry into eternity. To say that it\u2019s nothing compared to heaven is to miss what sex is and the importance God himself gives to it.<\/p>\n In Flame of Yahweh: Sexuality in the Old Testament<\/a>, Richard M. Davidson carefully explores the celebration of sex in the Bible\u2019s central book, the Song of Songs. In a section titled \u201cReturn to Eden,\u201d he reflects on the meaning of the Song\u2019s praise of physical love between the man and woman:<\/p>\n " In orchestral splendor, sexuality is presented as beautiful, good, and wholesome, to be celebrated and enjoyed without fear or embarrassment. Far from being cheap, ugly, and inferior, the love of the Song is of paramount value <\/em>(607) [my italics].<\/p><\/blockquote>\n In describing the Song of Songs, Davidson goes on to say or quote others:<\/p>\n " \u201c\u2026the lovers [in the Song] themselves praise at length the joys of intercourse.\u201d (608)<\/p>\n \u201cthe Song of Songs is nothing less than \u2018a continuous celebration of passion and its pleasures.\u2019 \u201d (608)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n In its most famous lines (8:6-7), the Song likens the awesome power of sexual love to a phenomenon \u201cas mysterious as a vehement flame that cannot be quenched, even by floods of many waters\u2026.\u201d (621). Verse 6 contains what is perhaps the Song\u2019s most startling claim (and the title of Davidson\u2019s book): \u201cits [love\u2019s] flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the LORD!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Playing with fire<\/h2>\n " \u201cThe stronger the [sexual] urge, the greater the person.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n******* ** Do you think this statement reflects an ungodly \u201cwestern\u201d preoccupation with sex that needs to be shut down? Presumably for some evangelicals, the answer is yes.<\/p>\n ** But in fact, this saying is an old midrash<\/em>, or rabbinic commentary, on Gen. 1:28. I came across it in my books on Jewish ethics back in college.<\/p>\n ** Welcome to reality.<\/em><\/p>\n ** The affluent West is an easy target for criticism; with all that we enjoy here, it may be tempting to criticize a \u201cwestern\u201d emphasis on unmet sexual longings.<\/p>\n ** But then Adam also deserves a lecture, as do the lovers in the Song of Songs. And since we\u2019re going there, let\u2019s go ahead and lecture the flame of God, the very personification<\/em> (per the Song) of sexual fulfillment.<\/p>\n ** Encouraging righteous behavior is a good thing, but when it comes to sex, religious leaders have a tendency to throw the baby out with the bathwater and forget the deeper things of God.<\/p>\n ** *******The \u201cflame of God\u201d in Song 8:6 is often invoked as a warning to young people: save sex for the security of marriage! You\u2019re playing with fire! Fair enough. But likewise, when we dismiss unmet sexual longings by relativizing them, by criticizing their emphasis as a diminution of heaven \u2013 to say we are missing the point is an understatement. We, too, are playing with fire.<\/p>\n Keep it real<\/h2>\n********* ** *********By divine design, for many of us, sex is important to personal fulfillment. The world recognizes this fact even if it doesn\u2019t recognize God. Why can\u2019t the church recognize both? Let\u2019s be honest about how much celibacy sucks, as Adam and the lovers in the Song would surely agree. Let\u2019s not diminish the truths our gendered bodies cry out \u2013 truths that include the emotional, physical, and spiritual anguish caused by sexual disappointment and dysfunction.<\/p>\n Yeah, maybe that\u2019s a first-world problem, but that\u2019s where many of us are. You deal with the problems you have, not the ones you could have. How we deal with these sexual issues, I don\u2019t know for sure \u2013 but I know that dealing with them in a way that\u2019s faithful to God should begin, and end, by being real about how important sex is<\/a> \u2013 not to us, but to him<\/em>.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Even as evangelical thinkers emphasize the importance of our gendered bodies to sexual identity, there is a parallel, persistent, consternating, and somewhat contrary message on sex (as in sexual activity): that it actually isn\u2019t so important, relatively speaking. For instance, Todd Wilson\u2019s book, Mere Sexuality, arguably undermines the significance of sex. More recently, in a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4750,"featured_media":2763,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[147,25,141,1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2760","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-sexual-ethics","category-sexuality","category-singleness","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nOn Sex, Evangelicals Need to Get Real<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"By divine design, for many of us, sex is important to personal fulfillment. The world recognizes this fact even if it doesn\u2019t recognize God. Why can\u2019t the church recognize both? Let\u2019s be honest about how much celibacy sucks, as Adam and the lovers in the Song of Songs would surely agree. Let's not diminish the truths our gendered bodies cry out \u2013 truths that include the emotional, physical, and spiritual anguish caused by sexual disappointment and dysfunction. Yeah, maybe that\u2019s a first-world problem, but that\u2019s where many of us are. You deal with the problems you have, not the ones you could have. 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