{"id":24585,"date":"2024-02-04T19:06:31","date_gmt":"2024-02-04T13:06:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/fivefoldlaw\/?p=24585"},"modified":"2024-02-04T20:10:31","modified_gmt":"2024-02-04T14:10:31","slug":"chronicles-of-a-real-witch","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/fivefoldlaw\/2024\/02\/04\/chronicles-of-a-real-witch\/","title":{"rendered":"Chronicles of a REAL Witch"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

This is not what I had planned when I went into law school. But life is a journey; life is a highway, if you will. And I am hydroplaning violently into the cement divider.\u201d \u2013Reb Masel<\/a><\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

So I didn\u2019t take home any Witchie Awards<\/a>, which I promise is cool, on account of I\u2019m stoked for the people who did win. And because I\u2019m really coming into my own as the Susan Lucci of occult media. But<\/em> I\u2019m also pleased to report that according to atheists, I\u2019m a real witch.<\/p>\n

And that feels like a win.<\/p>\n

One of my newer employees<\/a> is an atheist with occasional agnostic leanings, and recently, an old roommate of his resurfaced to cause annoyances in his life. So he was venting to me (I encourage open and honest communication in the workplace), reciting a laundry list of this person\u2019s character flaws<\/del> personality quirks, and towards the end of his rant, he was like, \u201c\u2026 And<\/em> he says he\u2019s a witch.\u201d<\/p>\n

I flinched a little at that, like, \u201cOy, I don\u2019t think I want to know where this goes.\u201d But then he was all, \u201cI don\u2019t mean to gatekeep<\/a>, but you<\/em> are a real witch. He is not<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

And I was like, \u201cOkay\u2026 I\u2019m going to need some clarification here.\u201d<\/p>\n

The ex-roommate\u2019s vision journal, according to my employee. (Image courtesy of Elena Mozhvilo<\/a>.)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

My employee was happy to elaborate: \u201cEvery time I come in, you\u2019re either throwing rocks<\/a> on the ground to see the future, or you\u2019re on your way out the door to go dance in a graveyard<\/a>, or you\u2019re jumpstarting a car from thirty feet away<\/a>.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBe that as it may, \u201d I said, \u201cYou can\u2019t really hold up his practice to my practice and say that one is \u2018real,\u2019 and the other is not.\u201d<\/p>\n

But he was like, \u201cI lived with him for years. He doesn\u2019t have a practice<\/em>. All he does is wear Halloween-themed pants and tell everyone what a big witch he is. You\u2019re<\/em> the real witch. Not him.\u201d<\/p>\n

Way back when I first stuck my neck out into the greater Pagan community, I was surprised by the number of people I encountered who identified as witches, and who held very strong opinions on what did or did not make one a witch, but who didn\u2019t actually practice witchcraft. Like, they had the look down, and they were quick to pass judgement on anything that didn\u2019t meet their witchy standards, but when it came to casting spells or participating in rituals, they were nowhere to be found.<\/p>\n

For instance, several years ago, my friends Sphinx<\/a> and Khi<\/a> and I decided to check out a Pagan meetup thing, where we ended up chatting with this girl who was sort of waxing philosophic on the trials and tribulations of being a witch. Attempting solidarity, Sphinx was like, \u201cI know, right?\u201d and told a story about the time we got hilariously drenched by a thunderstorm after aggressively experimenting with weather magic<\/a>. And then Khi started talking about the challenges he\u2019d encountered while taking trance journeys with native plant spirits<\/a>, and the girl was like, \u201cWait. You guys are actually doing<\/em> stuff.\u201d<\/p>\n

Our collective vision journal, according to that girl. (Image courtesy of Elena Mozhvilo<\/a>.)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n*
** *And we looked at each other and shrugged and were like, \u201cWell, yeah. We\u2019re witches.\u201d And she just stared at us like we\u2019d suddenly sprouted hooves.<\/p>\n

To be fair, I\u2019m not against the witchcore aesthetic \u2014 in fact, I quite enjoy it (as anyone who has seen my apartment<\/a> can attest). And I do not believe that one should be required to practice witchcraft in order to dress the part. But I also believe that the opposite holds true: If one is going to promote oneself as a witch \u2014 much less a generational witch who learned the dark arts from one\u2019s great-grandmama (pronounced muh-MAH<\/em>), as my employee alleges his ex-roommate claims \u2014 one should be actively engaging in some kind of practice that lands on the witchcraft spectrum.<\/p>\n

Having never met this dude myself, I hit my employee up for more details, thinking that there might be a chance he was some kind of folk practitioner whose magic wouldn\u2019t necessarily read as witchcraft to a layperson. But apparently, there isn\u2019t any magic, nor any particular interest in exploring it. There is, however, a vested interest in presenting<\/em> as a great and terrible wielder of magic, with an equally strong commitment to surrounding himself with people who would never expect him to ever prove it.<\/p>\n

Conversely, the people around me<\/a> don\u2019t expect me to prove I\u2019m a witch for the same reason they don\u2019t expect me to prove I\u2019m queer or left-handed: It\u2019s just an aspect of my identity. And because they are my friends, they accept all of me without question. They do occasionally ask for readings<\/a>, in the same way that they sometimes ask if I can notarize<\/a> things for them. And they\u2019re comfortable asking in these cases, because I\u2019ve made it clear how much I enjoy it when I get to share those parts of my life with them.<\/p>\n

Frankly, if I were using any part of life \u2014 witchcraft, notarizations, or otherwise \u2014 to position myself as more important or special than anyone else, I don\u2019t think I would be a very good friend. At least, I wouldn\u2019t want to be my friend.<\/p>\n

Okay, but this really does kind of look like my office. (Image courtesy of Elena Mozhvilo<\/a>.)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Now, when someone outside of my immediate circle finds out<\/a> I\u2019m a witch, I usually assume that they\u2019re going to think I am crazy or silly or both. And I\u2019m fine with that, because, as I\u2019ve said any number of times, what other people think of me is none of my business. But to have someone who resolutely does not believe in witchcraft look at my witchcraft practice and pronounce it \u201creal\u201d\u2026 that was oddly complimentary.<\/p>\n

And it is also not my place to compare my witchcraft approach to anyone else\u2019s \u2014 regardless of how superficial theirs may strike me \u2014 and announce that mine is somehow more valid<\/a>. But I do have to say this:<\/p>\n

I really<\/em> want Halloween-themed pants.<\/p>\n

Like what you\u2019ve read? You ca<\/em><\/span>n<\/span> buy me a coffee<\/a><\/span> about it. (CashApp<\/a><\/span> and Venmo<\/span><\/a> are always options as well.)<\/span><\/em><\/span><\/h3>\nOh, more discord, you say? But of course! Follow Thumper Forge on Amazon<\/a><\/span>, Bluesky<\/a><\/span>, <\/span><\/em><\/span>Etsy<\/span><\/span><\/em><\/span><\/a>, <\/em><\/span>Facebook<\/a><\/span><\/em><\/span>, <\/span><\/em><\/span>Instagram<\/a><\/span><\/em><\/span>, <\/span><\/em><\/span>Mastodon<\/a><\/em><\/span>, Threads<\/a><\/span>, and <\/span><\/em><\/span>TikTok<\/span><\/a><\/span><\/em><\/span>.<\/span><\/em><\/span><\/h3>\n*The exit is right through the gift shop<\/a><\/span>.<\/span><\/em><\/span><\/h3>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"*******
** *******I did not take home any Witchie Awards, but according to atheists, I’m a real witch. And that feels like a win.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4491,"featured_media":24684,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[105],"tags":[7008,7005,6999,7029,4605,3824],"class_list":["post-24585","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-witchcraft","tag-athiesm","tag-elena-mozhvilo","tag-reb-masel","tag-susan-lucci","tag-witchcore","tag-witchies"],"yoast_head":"\nChronicles of a REAL Witch<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I did not take home any Witchie Awards, but according to atheists, I'm a real witch. 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