Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Pagan
Two Smoking Wands: A Witchfest Mystery Romance

Two Smoking Wands: A Witchfest Mystery Romance

Last updated on: April 8, 2026 at 1:07 am by Thumper Forge

Two Smoking Wands: A Witchfest Mystery Romance 2026-04-08T01:07:02+06:00 Thumper Forge

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Kevin cornered me on the balcony of the events center the second I got out of the trauma-informed witchcraft meditation. “Are you and Smokey dating?” he asked.

Kevin is my Minos, or high priest, in the Minoan Brotherhood, and he is just the right combination of encouraging and protective. And he was asking a perfectly valid question, one which deserved a valid response.

“I have no clue,” I replied validly.

Smokey and I have known each other for ages and have always had a connection, but we’ve also never been in a place where we could feasibly be anything more than just friends. Now, though, both single and living in the same city for a change, the dynamic has shifted. We’ve been hanging out a lot, and when my current Austin Witchfest emotional support human had to bow out due to scheduling conflicts, Smokey volunteered to come with me.

Close your eyes, [ching!] give me your hand… (Image courtesy of Nikos Apelaths.)

Witchfest itself was amazing as usual, and my presentation on Chaos Witchcraft was blessedly well-received, with an appropriate amount of good-natured heckling from Chase and his boyfriend. Plus I sold a bunch of copies of The Chaos Apple (which, if you haven’t already, you can pick up here, here, here, here, here, here, here, or here), and down in the vendor hall, I found this really cool framed print of a stylized Two of Wands, featuring a yin-yang with an upright, lit match on its left, and an downward-facing, extinguished match on its right. Even though Tarot isn’t my thing, the print spoke to me on a Discordian level, and I figured it would look right at home amongst the rest of the Erisian art gracing my abode.

“I really like your friends!” Smokey announced as we headed home Sunday morning.

“They really liked you, too,” I said.

“Oh, really? What did they say about me?”

Bracing myself for potential awkwardness, I swallowed a wayward lump of anxiety and said, “Well, Kevin asked if we’re dating.”

“And what did you tell him?”

“I said I didn’t know.”

“Have you done a reading about us?” Smokey asked. And I admitted that yes, I had, and that it revealed we would make an excellent couple, provided we didn’t get into a huge fight during the trip.

“Oddly specific,” he said. “But interesting.” Then, excitedly, “Ooh! Let’s stop here.”

So we pulled over, purchased some snacks, and continued the conversation. Which is how we ended up officially dating in a Buc-ee’s parking lot.

No bumps in the road whatsoever. (Image courtesy of Nikos Apelaths.)

Having settled the matter at hand by literally shaking on it, we hopped in the car and got back on the road. And a while later, as we were chatting about our jobs, Smokey mentioned that he was thinking about a career change, which might include looking for work outside of Texas. He winced as soon as he said it and started fumbling his words, so I decided to take the big, gay bull by the horns.

“Listen,” I said. “You’re great, and I think we’re going to be great. But at this point, we’ve been dating for…”

I checked the clock on the dashboard.

“… Forty-five minutes. If a good opportunity presents itself in the next couple of weeks, I should be, like, your third or fourth consideration. Not your top priority.”

He agreed with a sigh of relief, and any hint of tension immediately diffused. And then I asked, “So… was that our big fight?”

Smokey thought about it for a moment. “Yes,” he finally said. “I do believe it was.”

“And hey, we’re still dating!” I said.

“We are! Hooray!”

“Best argument ever.”

We made it back to my apartment mid-afternoon, and as I dug into my briefcase to fish out my house key, I realized that the Two of Wands print was missing. I poked through my suitcase as well, but it was good and gone.

Original art looking out over Austin, dreaming of the future that might have been. (Image courtesy of Nikos Apelaths.)

“I must’ve left it at the hotel,” I said, prompting Smokey to whip out his phone.

“I’ll call them right now and see if they can mail it to you,” he said, but I told him not to bother.

“Look, if losing the print is the worst thing that happens this weekend, we’re doing pretty well,” I said. “Totally worth the sacrifice. Plus, the Two of Wands is all about, like, creativity and taking risks and new beginnings, which definitely sums up the past three days. But it doesn’t give any insight into what happens next. We get to decide that. So we don’t need the card anymore.”

“That… weirdly makes sense.” Smokey said.

“And so do we,” I replied.

Once again, he agreed.

Kevin will be no less than thrilled.

Like what you’ve read? *You ca**n buy me a coffee about it.*

Oh, more discord, you say? But of course! Follow Thumper Forge *on Bluesky**,* *Instagram**,* Lemon8, Mastadon, Threads, and *TikTok**.*

Lithomantic readings now available at Mayhem Marketplace!

The exit is right through the gift shop.

About Thumper

Thumper (Horkos) Marjorie Splitfoot Forge is a Gardnerian High Priest, an initiate of the Minoan Brotherhood, an Episkopos of the Dorothy Clutterbuck Memorial Cabal of Laverna Discordia, a recovering alcoholic, and a notary public from Houston, TX. Their latest book, THE CHAOS APPLE: MAGIC AND DISCORDIANISM FOR THE POSTMODERN WITCH, was published on November 8 and is currently available at open-minded bookstores everywhere. You can read more about the author here.

Previous Post

February 28, 2026

Goblinposting in the Name of Shared Values

Next Post

May 24, 2026 And Now, a Word on Transphobia

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category 12-Step Recovery Chaos Magic Discordianism Divination Gender and Sexual Minorities Greek Mythology Neurodiversity Pagan Saints Uncategorized Wicca Witch This Not That Witchcraft

Select a Month September 2026 May 2026 April 2026 February 2026 January 2026 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 May 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 November 2024 October 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Which Assyrian king threatened Jerusalem and received a prophecy from Isaiah?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Sennacherib Tiglath-Pileser Nebuchadnezzar Shalmaneser