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Jezebel and an Etsy Witch Walk into Charlie Kirk

Jezebel and an Etsy Witch Walk into Charlie Kirk

Last updated on: September 12, 2025 at 4:06 am by Thumper Forge

Jezebel and an Etsy Witch Walk into Charlie Kirk 2025-09-12T04:06:59+06:00 Thumper Forge

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There’s a series on AMC+ called Sanctuary: A Witch’s Tale, about a quaint, English village that proudly boasts a resident witch named Sarah Fenn. Everyone adores Sarah, right up until something bad happens. Although she had nothing to do with it, it is unanimously decided that it must have been her fault, and the entire town turns against her.

Every Pagan in America needs to watch that show and take copious notes.

On September 8, the satirical news website Jezebel ran an article titled, “We Paid Some Etsy Witches to Curse Charlie Kirk.” According to the author:

“I want to make it clear, I’m not calling on dark forces to cause him harm. I just want him to wake up every morning with an inexplicable zit. I want his podcast microphone to malfunction every time he hits record. I want his blue blazers to suddenly all be one size too small. I want one of his socks to always be sliding down his foot. I want his thumb to grow too big to tweet. To ruin his day with the collective feminist power of the Etsy coven would be my life’s greatest joy.”

A fancy-footed, carefree Jezebel, blissfully unaware of the Wall Street Journal creeping up behind them. (Image courtesy of Stefan Keller.)

Two days later, right-wing mouthpiece and gun violence apologist Charlie Kirk was fatally shot during a speaking engagement at Utah Valley University. Within hours, other news outlets picked up the Jezebel story and ran with it.

Jezebel quickly added an editorial disclaimer to the top of the article condemning the shooting, and the president of Paste Media Group — the company that owns Jezebel — released a statement explaining that the article was meant to be tongue-in-cheek. But here’s the thing: As much as we enjoy presenting ourselves as, like, spooky and edgy and one with the darkness, the general populace tends to view Pagans and witches as flaky, if not silly… until something happens. [cough cough Satanic Panic cough cough] No one at Jezebel intended to throw the Pagan community under the bus, but because the mainstream media is now involved, there are, out in the world, people who fully believe that witchcraft is responsible for the death of Charlie Kirk.

Over on WitchTok, Dr. Saraphima Voynich is encouraging her followers with Etsy shops to remove any personally identifying information, and to take down any listings for hexes or curses. (Even though all I offer through Etsy is lithomantic readings, I went ahead and set my own page to vacation mode for the time being.) This may seem like overkill, since Christian nationalists are currently more concerned with other targets, but rest assured, we have been bumped up a few spots on their list.

And maybe this will blow over. I mean, there are certainly a lot more pressing issues at the moment. But if it doesn’t, and the situation escalates, we are going to see an exodus.

Portrait of my unrepentantly queer self attempting to hide in plain sight. (Image courtesy of Stefan Keller.)

You know those kids who get into witchcraft to cosplay oppression? The ones in their early twenties who are always like, “Ugh, somebody asked if I’m Wiccan. I am so tired of having to explain that not all witches are Wiccan.” Yeah, they’re going to find Jesus real quick. When faced with the threat of actual persecution, they will wrap themselves in privilege and choose self-preservation over anything else.

So what about those of us left behind to commiserate with Sarah Fenn? Well, it’s a tall order, but we’re going to need to be willing to support each other, and to fight for each other. And we’re going to need to be willing to set aside petty grievances in favor of collective safety.

And, most importantly, we’re going to need to be willing to not give up. Because that’s what Greyface and his minions are hoping we’ll do.

Again, this may not get any traction at all, but in case it sticks around… find your community. Take care of yourself. And if things do reach a point where the fascists actively try to come for us, never, ever comply in advance.

*Like what you’ve read? You ca**n buy me a coffee about it.*

*Oh, more discord, you say? But of course! Follow Thumper Forge on Bluesky**,* *Instagram**,* Lemon8, Mastadon, Threads, and *TikTok**.*

The exit is right through the gift shop.

Religion News

Politics and Religion

Sanctuary: A Witch's Tale

Saraphima Voynich

Stefan Keller

About Thumper

Thumper (Horkos) Marjorie Splitfoot Forge is a Gardnerian High Priest, an initiate of the Minoan Brotherhood, an Episkopos of the Dorothy Clutterbuck Memorial Cabal of Laverna Discordia, a recovering alcoholic, and a notary public from Houston, TX. Their upcoming book, THE CHAOS APPLE: MAGIC AND DISCORDIANISM FOR THE POSTMODERN WITCH, will be released by Llewellyn Publications on November 8 and is currently available for pre-order. You can read more about the author here.

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Jezebel and an Etsy Witch Walk into Charlie Kirk

Like what you’ve read? You ca**n buy me a coffee about it.

Oh, more discord, you say? But of course! Follow Thumper Forge on Bluesky**, Instagram**, Lemon8, Mastadon, Threads, and TikTok**.

The exit is right through the gift shop.

Who wrote the most letters in the New Testament?

*Like what you’ve read? You ca**n buy me a coffee about it.*

*Oh, more discord, you say? But of course! Follow Thumper Forge on Bluesky**,* *Instagram**,* Lemon8, Mastadon, Threads, and *TikTok**.*