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Discordian Jubilees: Afflux

Discordian Jubilees: Afflux

Last updated on: April 9, 2025 at 10:57 pm by Thumper Forge

Discordian Jubilees: Afflux 2025-04-09T22:57:03+06:00 Thumper Forge

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December 8 is Afflux, the 50th day of the Season of Aftermath, marking the close of the calendar year. It’s a time for examination and self-reflection, and, according to most of the online sources I found, it’s an opportunity to get, like, irrevocably blitzed.

A traditional, handmade Afflux ornament. (Image via Pixabay.)

Alas, as I person in recovery, I will not be engaging in that last festivity. Although I did have a drinking dream last night, which I assume counts.

Drinking dreams are exactly what they sound like, and they’re not uncommon among recovering alcoholics, although they can be unsettling. The first time I had one, shortly after I’d gotten sober, I woke up convinced that I’d relapsed. I’ve had a few since then, and they always follow the same theme: Alcohol somehow gets into my system (one time it was raining wine; in another, I was making coffee at Deborah’s house and didn’t notice that her K-cups were full of rosé), and I spend the rest of the dream trying to rationalize that I’m Not That Drunk and therefore still in recovery.

In last night’s dream, I was meeting with a new therapist, who lived in my apartment complex for some reason. He offered to refill my anti-anxiety medication, then asked how long I’d been sober (I was wearing a T-shirt from a 12-Step event), at which point I realized I’d been doing shots before our appointment.

So I explained that I used to have a bad drinking problem, and that I’d gone without drinking for a number of years, but now I drank responsibly, hoping he couldn’t tell how buzzed I was.

Discordians celebrating Afflux: Battered and bruised but still giggling about something inappropriate. (Image via Pixabay.)

And then he tried to pagansplain the history of Wicca to me, and I suddenly woke up, because not even Asleep Me wanted to deal with that conversation.

Drinking dreams used to really freak me out, but now they engender a sense of gratitude. I wake up relieved to be sober, and grateful that I’m no longer controlled by alcohol. So it’s kind of auspicious that I had a drinking dream the night before Afflux, because it gave me a chance to look back on the way my life used to be, and to think about how I want my life to continue improving.

Of course, if you don’t have substance abuse issues, you totally have the option of just getting plastered and gleefully demolishing things until you run out of steam. You can figure out what to do about all the carnage once the hangover passes. Because maybe the true Afflux is all the frangible stuff we destroyed along the way.

Even a forest fire can offer illumination. Which… doesn’t quite sound as inspirational onscreen as it did in my head, but still… (Image via Pixabay.)

Ultimately, there’s no wrong way to observe Afflux, as there’s no wrong way to practice Discordianism. Just come up with something that’ll show Greyface you’re still alive and kicking despite his efforts, and do your best to give him an aneurism with mirth and reverence.

Then go get some Taco Bell. It’ll help with the hangover. Trust me on this. I speak from the experience of innumerable Affluxes past.

More discord, you say? But of course! Follow Fivefold Law on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and Zazzle.

About Thumper

Thumper Marjorie Splitfoot Forge is a Gardnerian High Priest, an initiate of the Minoan Brotherhood, an Episkopos of the Dorothy Clutterbuck Memorial Cabal of Laverna Discordia, a recovering alcoholic, and a notary public from Houston, TX. You can read more about the author here.

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