Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Pagan
The Wasp Nest of Damocles: an Old-Timey Chaos Grammarye

The Wasp Nest of Damocles: an Old-Timey Chaos Grammarye

Last updated on: August 10, 2022 at 5:28 am by Thumper Forge

The Wasp Nest of Damocles: an Old-Timey Chaos Grammarye 2022-08-10T05:28:16+06:00 Thumper Forge

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

[A conversation with my Misfits brother Scott, who, it should be noted, lives in the country and deals with a lot of livestock.]

Scott: “A rooster got into the backyard earlier, and one of the dogs thought it was a toy.”

Me: “Oh, no.”

Scott: “Yeah. Blood and feathers everywhere.”

Me: “Jesus. That’s awful.”

Scott: “Yeah.”

Me: “…”

Scott: “…”

Me: “…”

Scott: “So, do you want the feet?”

Me: “Yes, please.”

And then he started debating the merits of freeze-drying versus salt preservation while listing off “all the magical things you’re going to do with my cock.”

There are times when I have to remind myself that I’m living the life I asked for, and this was one of those moments.

“I mean… I wanted a magical cock, but not like this. Not like this.” (Image courtesy of DrAmmatico.)

I’m glad I’ll be able to put at least part of what remains of the remains to good use, even though I feel really bad for the rooster. Just like I felt guilty about having to call management about the gargantuan wasp nest over my patio door, which I was really hoping to use for Witchcraft.

It took me a while to notice the nest, allowing the neighborhood wasps to expand on it unmolested, until I casually glanced up one day and spied a tennis ball-sized chamber of horrors scant inches away from my head. But once the stark terror subsided, I realized I wasn’t really under any kind of threat.

Red paper wasps are notoriously aggressive and territorial, but because I hadn’t bothered them when they first established the nest, and because I never interfered with them after that, they accepted my presence and, for the most part, ignored me, other than occasionally buzzing around my head in an insectoid expression of curiosity. As far as they’re concerned, I’m just a giant, biped wasp that screams when startled but doesn’t cause any problems otherwise.

It was a little irrational of me, but I got kind of emotionally attached to the wasps, and I felt oddly safe with them hanging out over my door. And since it’ll be a while before Scott brings me the chicken feet, I decided to kill some time by researching the magical uses of wasp nests.

“Hello, fellow vespid! I myself am clearly a vespid.” (Image via Pixabay.)

As I recently mentioned, some rootworkers will add wasp nest bits to their Hot Foot powder, so that’s one option. And when I worked at that leather shop, I used to sprinkle red brick dust across the threshold of the entrance to keep out belligerent drunks, so I’ll bet mixing that with powdered wasp nest would make a good protective spell.

But other than that… I really didn’t find much. At one point, I came across a fascinating article called “Insects and Witchcraft” by Harry B. Weiss, published in the Journal of the New York Entomological Society in 1930, which contained a ton of intriguing folklore (a future blog post will definitely be, “Things to Do With Bottle Imps When You’re Bored”), but nothing specifically related to wasps.

If I were in the market for bee lore, I’d be drowning in an embarrassment of riches, but other stabby pollinators are kind of left out in the cold. There’s a whole wealth of info around the English custom of keeping bee charms in the house to bring fortune, for example, but the only mention of wasps I could find was in the article above, which described their stingers as resembling “the magical arrows of sorcerers.”

And so, since I couldn’t find any useful spells involving wasps, I cheerfully decided to make some up. And this means I get to roll about in some good, old-fashioned Chaos Magic, which always makes me giddy.

First, let’s do a quick review of the forms of Chaos Magic…

Pure Magic
Death
Wealth
Love
Ego
Sex
Thinking
War

… and the Five Discordian Elements:

Sweet
Boom
Pungent
Prickle
Orange

“Let’s call the corners, shall we?” (Image via Pixabay.)

Wasps plainly relate to War magic (attack, defense, and protection). But they’re also sneaky little bug(ger)s, so there’s a strategic side to them as well, which falls under Thinking magic. If we look at our Discordian Diamond glyph, we see that the element Orange is the bridge between Thinking and War, so Orange — the element of things visual — will be the basis for this work.

Aroma of Invisibility

Some species of wasps have the ability to mimic bee pheromones, which they use to enter hives and wreak havoc, and I want to duplicate this effect to get into places I maybe shouldn’t be (a concert, say, or a fru-fru social event) without being asked for my invitation or ID. Since pheromones are scent-based, I know I’m going to want an oil I can wear, so I’m going to start with some sweet almond oil, with an added squirt of safflower oil (it’s rich in vitamin E and will keep the finished product from going rancid).

Digging around in my supply cabinet, I found the following:

Calamus root chips — used to dominate others.
Mugwort — promotes psychic ability and safe travels.
Road Opener.
Poppy seeds — create a sense of confusion.

So here’s my plan. Starting with my base almond/safflower oil, I’ll add the calamus chips, mugwort, Road Opener, poppy seeds, and some scrapings from a wasp nest, then let it sit for a few days on a window sill to let the carrier oil absorb the properties of the herbs and curios. Then, when I’m ready to give it a whirl, I’ll dab some of the oil on my wrists and the sides of my neck and see what happens.

Nobody here but us chickens. (Image via Pixabay.)

Theoretically, the calamus will let me impose my will over the people around me, and the mugwort and poppy seeds will combine to create a psychic haze that makes me less perceptible. The mugwort will also provide safe travel, which will blend nicely with the Road Opener to grant me access to the swanky affairs of my choosing.

I also found a tiny nazar pendant in my jewelry box, along with some black ribbon. Since a nazar is a symbolic eye, I’ll dab some of the oil on it, wrap it in the black ribbon to “blind” it, and keep it in my breast pocket or shoe.

Okay! I like this. But let’s also see what we can come up with on the flip side, going from invisible to visible AF.

Threatening Aura Charm

I’m 6’1″ and broadly built, but I’m not particularly intimidating. I’m normally pretty comfortable with that, but there are times when it wouldn’t hurt to come across as someone Not To Be Messed With. Wasps are unsettling even when they’re not going on the offensive, and people tend to be wary around them, so I want to invoke that energy into an herbal charm.

Black snake root, which offers strength to those who are shy or timid, would be perfect for this working — but I don’t have any. I do have some yarrow, though, which promotes courage in stressful or dangerous situations, so we’ll go with that instead.

Try me. I wish you would try me. (Image via Pixabay.)

Diving back into the supply cabinet, I found:

A small orange bag.
Black pepper — to move troublesome people out of my way.
Ginger — offers fiery protection.
Rue — another fiercely protective herb.
A Mercury dime.

The heaviest item usually goes into a mojo or charm bag first, to act as the “skeleton,” so I’ll start with the Mercury dime — in addition to being representative of Hermes and His trickstery nature, it’s also apotropaic, so it’ll act as protection while helping me create an appropriate illusion.

Once that’s in the bag, I’ll add the herbs and a chunk of wasp nest, sprinkle it with some consecrated saltwater and smoke it with an all-purpose incense (probably frankincense and sandalwood), and bam: I’m back to being a giant, biped wasp, at least in the eyes of people who will now think twice before coming at me.

I haven’t had a chance to try either formula out, but I’m psyched to see what results I’ll get. In the meantime, feel free to swipe them and experiment, and let me know how they work for you.

Unfortunately for me and my magical designs, the wasp nest had to come down while it was still inhabited. Other area wasps started trying to move in on the nest’s turf, which led to a series of escalating, aerial battles for supremacy, like, right in front of my salad, and eggs were beginning to hatch, which meant the wasps were getting even more overprotective than usual.

Pew pew pew! (Image via Pixabay.)

Plus a young, stray tomcat has taken up residence on my porch (his name is Bolly: long story), and I was getting really worried about him playfully swatting at one of the wasps and bringing down the vengeful wrath of the entire colony.

It really boiled down to this: He’s technically not my cat, but I’m more emotionally invested in him than I am the wasps, and I do not have the cash for emergency veterinary visits right now. So I called finally called maintenance and came home to a bittersweet, wasp-free patio.

But all was not lost, because at some point, one of the squadron somehow managed to wriggle through the crack under my door and promptly die. I found his body last night.

So right away, I was thinking he would do well in a witch bottle: Add some rusty nails, some Four Thieves Vinegar, top it off with some urine, fingernail clippings, and a few hairs, and hide it under my desk at work for a little extra job security.

Rest well, little bottle imp.

And after I rendezvous with Scott, I can fill the empty space where the wasp nest used to be with a couple of decorative chicken feet, which will definitely make me a frontrunner in my complex’s annual Halloween contest.

Or else my neighbors will get even more weirded out by what goes on at my place, and management will tape another note to my door about violating Community Standards. Either feels like a win, really.

More discord, you say? But of course! Follow Fivefold Law on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and Zazzle.

Chaos Magic

Discordianism

Gender and Sexual Minorities

About Thumper

Thumper Marjorie Splitfoot Forge is a Gardnerian High Priest, an initiate of the Minoan Brotherhood, an Episkopos of the Dorothy Clutterbuck Memorial Cabal of Laverna Discordia, a recovering alcoholic, and a notary public from Houston, TX. You can read more about the author here.

Previous Post

October 13, 2021

The Wiccan Who Was Mean to Me on the Internet, and Other Hot Takes on Gatekeeping

Next Post

October 18, 2021 The Liminal Spirits Oracle: a Non-Discordian Review

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category 12-Step Recovery Chaos Magic Discordianism Divination Gender and Sexual Minorities Greek Mythology Neurodiversity Pagan Saints Uncategorized Wicca Witch This Not That Witchcraft

Select a Month September 2026 May 2026 April 2026 February 2026 January 2026 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 May 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 November 2024 October 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

True or False: Matthew's Gospel begins with a genealogy tracing Jesus' lineage back to King David.

Select your answer to see how you score.

TRUE FALSE