Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
New Visions
My Parents

My Parents

Last updated on: November 26, 2018 at 1:52 pm by Mark Nepo

My Parents 2018-11-26T13:52:32-05:00 Mark Nepo

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

I was raised like our backyard,

only tended with a sigh

when I began to grow wild.

You ask if there were good times.

You’ve asked before. I’m sixty and

have spent most of my life dealing

with their absence, many years of un-

locking what I never had. So I know

how to face what went wrong. I even

know what made them so frightened

and angry, children of the Depression,

unsure if they wanted kids, saddled with

us. I’ve had to mourn them though they’re

alive, and accept what I’ve been given. I

know they’re not monsters, though they

could be monstrous. And when the coffee

stops perking, before the TV drones, when

each is stopped in mid-breath, like travelers

looking down between slats in a bridge that

spans a bottomless canyon, when nothing

can distract them—I know they miss me

and wonder what storms have kept us

apart. And when this moment they so

fear is sealed over, I know they mourn me.

So I keep their scattering of goodness under

a rock in the pool at the bottom of that canyon.

Because the thought of my father putting his

rough hands over mine to help me guide a

chisel and feeling his large heart warm my

back as he leaned over me, and the thought

of my mother looking at me with an open

face before she hardened her beauty, and

the few times we all laughed together—

these are slivers of kindness that will

turn me around and keep me from

the life I have, the one I’ve earned.

They will drown me in what can never

be. The only memory I take out, when

it’s hard to remember their faces, is

the time I entered his hospital room

after his first stroke, when he couldn’t

keep from crying in my arms and she,

she finally softened, and looked at me

as if I were the man she fell in love

with, rising like an apparition

from the old man in the bed.

A Question to Walk With: In conversation with a loved one or friend, discuss your experience of growing up, describing the greatest challenge and the greatest gift?

This excerpt is from a new book in progress, Compass Work: Finding Our Fathers While Finding Ourselves.

*Photo credit: Jeswin Thomas

Mark's weekly reflections

Previous Post

November 19, 2018

Beauty is Everywhere

Next Post

December 3, 2018 Each Time We Grieve

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category 3i projects current events emotional states Heart in the news Mark's weekly reflections Michele's vlogs poetry Three Intentions happenings Uncategorized writing/books

Select a Month November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz