A Steadfast Teacher

Last updated on: June 7, 2010 at 9:07 am by Mark Nepo

A Steadfast Teacher 2010-06-07T09:07:31-05:00 Mark Nepo

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

—If we want to be held, we have to behold.

I admit that well into my thirties, I felt this natural yearning to be seen and heard which in time became urgent and draining. But over the years, I slowly came to realize that being held is more important than being understood. When held, I don’t care so much about being seen or heard; because being held is being seen and heard in a way that affirms our very existence, much the way that the warmth of the sun affirms a flower into blooming. And being present is the soul’s way of holding the mystery of life itself, which attended will reciprocate and hold us back in an embrace we call wonder or awe.

I still want to be seen and heard and understood for who I am, which bestowed without agenda are the gifts of love. But the absence of these affirmations no longer rules my life. It still hurts to be ignored, especially if I’ve shown myself completely. And it still feels thwarting to be misunderstood, especially if I’ve spoken my heart as plainly as I know how. But the truth doesn’t need to be explained to be true. And the elements don’t withhold their innate power because we turn our backs to them. We are like tall leaning trees. We sway in our humanness every which way, while our spirit roots firmly in an ever-deepening connection to the earth.

As vulnerable beings we never lose the need to be seen and heard and understood. But without a felt sense of our connection to the web of life, these needs can rule us, overwhelm us, and even devastate us. Without this larger first-hand connection, I can become dependent and even addicted to external validation. Yet when I can somehow find the courage to be present enough in any given moment, I just might feel the tug of all we are connected to. It is this tug of connection that can restore the authority of our being. To be sure, this felt lifeline between our very core and the Universe won’t eliminate loneliness, but it will right-size it. This felt presence of everything larger than us won’t eliminate pain, but it will absorb it.

This means that when present enough to behold the Universe, we will be held by the mystery. I confess that I know I am being held by the nature of things when I feel this ache way inside. When young, it appeared as a sadness I couldn’t explain. And I thought if I could just get rid of it, I might be happy. But after cancer, I began to realize that this deep ache is the tuning fork of my soul. It is how I know I am close to what matters. In truth, this deep and nameless ache in the presence of beauty and suffering has been a steadfast teacher and friend. It breaks me open to truth when I am too busy or numb to take in beauty. And these breakings of the heart are awe-filled events from which I don’t recover but through which I am uncovered.

All this has led me over time to accept that the heart is a muscle that wants to be exercised. And though it feels like we will end each time the heart is broken, the heart only breaks into a larger version of itself. When I am present to this process, I am broken open. When I withhold my presence, I am just broken. I only know that after my heart is broken, I am still here. And each time, I breathe deeper. I stand taller. Each time I wake to an unexpected ability and urge to be kinder.

Mark's weekly reflections

Previous Post

May 31, 2010

The One True World

Next Post

June 13, 2010 Oprah interviews Mark Nepo---6/28 and 7/4---don't miss it!

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category 3i projects current events emotional states Heart in the news Mark's weekly reflections Michele's vlogs poetry Three Intentions happenings Uncategorized writing/books

Select a Month November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz