Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

FaithWalkers

Home
Evangelical
Grace-based Parenting: A Review of “Connecting Church and Home”

Grace-based Parenting: A Review of “Connecting Church and Home”

Last updated on: May 13, 2013 at 3:00 am by Bill Blankschaen

Grace-based Parenting: A Review of “Connecting Church and Home” 2013-05-12T12:23:19-06:00 Bill Blankschaen

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

It’s about time!

That’s what I thought as I read the wisdom-packed pages of Tim Kimmel’s latest book Connecting Church & Home. Tim Kimmel is the founder of Family Matters and long-time cheerleader for grace-based parenting. You can check out the Family Matters site here for a lot of valuable parenting resources.

Connecting Church & Home is a quick, easy read that should be required for any family ministry leader. For that matter, any pastor who claims to care about families in the church should be embarrassed at not having at least thumbed through Kimmel’s book.

It’s not because Kimmel is awesome, though I’m sure he’s a great guy. It’s because the Biblical truth creatively packaged within its pages has never been more relevant to churches and families than right now.

The Goal

Tim Kimmel’s goal is simple: to help parents step up their game. I think this book achieves that goal — if parents and ministry leaders have the guts to read it.

That being said, Connecting Church and Home is not an adversarial read in any way. Quite the opposite. Even though Kimmel challenges the status quo in many churches and homes, his style is a supportive, friendly — dare I say — grace-based one that begins and ends with God’s unmerited favor on us all.

I have many concerns about what passes for family ministry in many churches these days. All too often, sincere servants of Christ engage in what I call faith-enabling instead of faith-strengthening. They become a crutch for parents instead of a workout coach. They try to sell their services as child-fixers to fit a niche in the marketplace, if you will — a niche they can never fill, no matter how hard they try. But they look darn good doing it.

It’s as if some sincere church leaders have resigned themselves to the fact that most parents are no good at this child-rearing stuff — so they’ll try to do it for them. A similar mindset infects many of our schools. But it can never work. Neither the church nor the school — nor the government — was created to be a parent.

Connecting to the Child’s Heart

Kimmel rightly nails the core of the issue in this way: The role of a parent is to connect to the heart of his or her child in such a way he or she prepares that child to more easily connect to the heart of God. (21)

A long-time pet peeve of mine has been the modern church’s commitment to splitting up the family during worship service. [See my post Where Have All the Children Gone? ] I realize there can be arguments on all sides of this issue, but it’s always felt as if we were unintentionally creating two different churches that, over time, would inevitably conflict with one another. Rather than grafting in the next generation to the existing Body, we plant them in another field altogether — then seem surprised when they want little to do with our approach to the Faith.

Along the same line of seeking generational unity, Kimmel shares a paradigm that accurately captures the broader schism over how to minister to families in the Church at large. He cites a key conversation with a friend, Joe Erhman, that I found illuminating:

“I notice three categories of church.

There are Word churches. Their focus is on powerful preaching and teaching of the Scripture… a sophisticated understanding of …doctrine, theology, and orthodoxy….

The second kind…is Wonder churches. This is a church that seems keenly aware of the greater battle going on between the forces of evil and Almighty God…. Charismatic and Pentecostal churches come to mind….

Then there is the third kind…the Work church. This is a church that is extremely sensitive to the distress going on within the human drama around them. They see poverty, high control, abuse, and injustice and are quick to jump into the middle of it and do something about it…. The Catholic Church has traditionally played this role throughout church history.

Question: Which of these three is the church supposed to be?”

The answer just about knocked me out of my chair. It’s supposed to be all of them… simultaneously — in balance and harmony. (92)

Kimmel also offers a creative paradigm for connecting grace-based parenting with grace-based church ministry. His work is based on his own church’s careful journey to uncover a more biblical approach to family ministry. Essentially, they started at the Bible and went from there. Yet he is quick to point out that he is not trying to spark some new “movement:”

This isn’t a “movement” within family ministry. I’m leery of movements — at least church movements…. God’s transforming grace was never meant to be a”flash point” (i.e. movement) on Church history’s calendar, but an anchor tenant of the gospel. All we’re talking about in this book is the way it was supposed to be from the beginning. (86) [ Tweet this! ]

Welcome to Family Land!

I love what their team has done in creating a terrific, Disney-esque tool called Family Land — a “comprehensive ‘Big-Picture’ strategy for family ministry.” It’s a creative, interactive tool designed to give a clear yet playful road map for churches, families, and kids to truly connect in this grace-based journey. You can click here to explore further but here’s a glimpse of the fun that awaits:

The Elephant in the Room

For those still unsure whether the book will be worth the read, I leave you with this closing thought from Kimmel as an example of the wisdom to be easily gleaned from its relatively short 137 pages:

Friend, there’s a lot of family ministry and Christian parenting going on that contradicts the message its trying to send to the people involved. I see a lot of emphasis placed on spiritual performance, behavioral report carding, creating biblical elitism, guilting people who struggle, shaming people who fall, nagging people who are slow to buy in, marginalizing people who question, and rejecting people who refuse to toe the line. My question: Is that how God treats us? (48)

Kimmel defines grace-based relationships as simply this: “treating others the way God treats us.” Sounds like a plan truly connect church and home.

Connecting Church and Home

grace bades parenting

grace based

grace based partnership

Thinking

Tim kimmel

Previous Post

May 11, 2013

What I Think Happened with Benghazi: The Vast Conspiracy

Next Post

May 14, 2013 Do You Ever Wish You Could Just Get Over Your Bad Self?

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Book Reviews Christian Living Church Culture FaithWalkers Family Guest Posts In Your Church Interviews Leadership Movie Reviews Politics Spotlight Uncategorized

Select a Month November 2017 August 2017 July 2017 May 2017 March 2017 January 2017 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 May 2015 April 2015 February 2015 January 2015 November 2014 August 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Who was the only disciple who was not martyred?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Peter John James Thomas