Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Faith on the Couch

Home
Catholic
“Watching Mass” With Your Family. Futile or Fulfilling? What Makes the Difference.

“Watching Mass” With Your Family. Futile or Fulfilling? What Makes the Difference.

Last updated on: April 23, 2020 at 1:52 pm by Rachael Popcak and Dr. Gregory Popcak

“Watching Mass” With Your Family. Futile or Fulfilling? What Makes the Difference. 2020-04-23T13:52:11-05:00 Rachael Popcak and Dr. Gregory Popcak

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

This article is part of a series on domestic church life. To learn more about creating a dynamic domestic church, join the conversation on our Facebook discussion group CatholicHŌM (Households on Mission)–Family Discipleship.

A friend made me aware of this article in The Catholic Thing about the frustration the author, Randall Smith, felt about watching mass online.

Photo via Shutterstock.com Used with permission

He writes…

The danger for me is that I get spiritually numb. It’s easy to get busy with work and just skip it without a thought. There’s something good about having to get up and walk over to the chapel. You must commit to something, physically. There’s not the same movement either of the body or the spirit if I just click a link and then sit there and watch Mass, as if I were watching the video of an online lecture….I’m not always wrapped into a state of ecstatic contemplation at a regular Mass either, but watching Mass online is like listening to someone narrate the events of their vacation trip while they slowly scroll through the pictures on their phone. “And here’s Gladys and me with the waiter at a great sea food restaurant in Galveston.” And you think, “I could be doing something useful now. But I’m not.”

I certainly appreciate the author’s view. But something about it made me a little sad. That feeling grew as I read the comments on my friend’s Facebook page in response to the article. One, in particular, stood out.

…my husband is not Catholic, and I am not always in charge of what the house is doing while we are home. [Watching Mass] just becomes another boring TV show the younger kids want nothing to do with, and after my first attempt, I’m sure the teens are not “into it” either. It is so much easier to pack everyone up and go to church, and I can’t even believe I’m saying that!

I want to be clear. Nothing I write here is an attempt to deny the experience of these good and faithful people. We are not obliged to watch Mass online. We are free to feel whatever we feel about it. There isn’t a “right” answer.

At the same time–spiritually, as in life–I often find it helpful to try to cultivate a spirit of openness. I find that–at least in response to more important things–it isn’t enough for me to say, “Meh, this isn’t my thing.” If someone I care about believes that there is something good, true, or beautiful about something–especially if I don’t–I find it useful to try to ask what I might be missing. How do they approach that thing in a way that’s different from me? What about their approach allows them to experience it differently than I do? And would it be useful for me to change my approach so that, maybe, I could get something out of it too?

As I reflected on my own, surprisingly, positive experience of watching mass online with my family, and reading a few comments of those who also found it to be a positive experience, it occurred to me that those who appreciated it did so for exactly the reasons the author of the article found it uncomfortable. It challenges us to be more intentional about mass.

My family has made a point of actively watching. We literally behaved as if we were at church. We stood, knelt, sat, sang, and said all the responses out loud. We even got dressed up for Easter Mass. And it’s been kind of wonderful. Why? Because we were forced to be intentional about everything.

In some ways, I agree with the person who’s comment I posted above. It is actually a lot easier to just pack everyone off and go to church. When I’m at church, everybody is doing the same thing. I don’t have to think about it. And I don’t have to work that hard to get my kids to go along with it. Sure, they can get squirmy, but in general, they aren’t going to draw attention to themselves by defiantly standing when others are kneeling, or sitting with others are standing. Herd mentality takes over and we all go through the motions.

But doing church in my family room was…weird. We had to think about it. Why are we doing this? Isn’t this a little… crazy? Yes! It is! And that’s the point. Even though it’s weird, it was important enough to all of us to be weird and keep doing it. The question, “Why, exactly, is this so important that we would put ourselves out this way?” was in the back of our minds the whole time, which led to some really good conversations about what our faith means to us and what we would be willing to do to proclaim that with our lives.

But My Family Isn’t Faithful.

But what if your family doesn’t share your faith? Is it still worth doing? Could you still get something out of participating in an online mass? Of course everyone has to decide that for themselves. It’s a question to take to prayer. But I would suggest that it is a question worth considering.

Imagine the witness it would be for a mom (or dad) to value their faith so much that they insisted that for this hour–whether anyone cared to join them or not, and whether anyone approved or not–they were going to commandeer the family room to watch Mass. And what if, while they watched, they actually attended. Imagine that they stood, and sat, and knelt, and sang and said all the responses out loud. Imagine that they were willing to deal with the snarky comments, and eye-rolls, and, afterward, have the discussions, and, ultimately demand the respect that they deserve as a son or daughter of God?

What if not one other family member joined this parent? And what it, afterward, their spouse and kids mockingly said, “So, how was Mass?” What if they answered truthfully. “Honestly, guys, it was kind of hard and kind of lonely. I don’t mean to hurt your feelings, but the fact is, it’s sometimes hard being part of a family that doesn’t love or respect me enough to even try to see what’s good about things that are important to me. But the thing is, I am grateful that, each time I go to Mass, God gives me the strength to hang in the and hope that maybe things can get better. So, I’m going to keep doing it even if you make fun of me. OK, then. What would you all like for breakfast?”

Just imagine the conversations that would get started. And just imagine the what it would say the next week when that faithful spouse/parent did it all over again.

Spiritual Eyes Wide Open

I would respectfully suggest that whether one’s family is faithful or not, participating in mass at home is an exercise in being more conscious and intentional about attending mass. There is nothing about it that allows you to just go through the motions, check the boxes, and pat yourself on the back because “at least we showed up.” Participating in mass at home is a commitment that I truly believe will make me and mine more mindful of why we’re participating at mass when we finally get to go back to our parish church.

Uncategorized

Previous Post

April 22, 2020

Stuck at Home? Your Family Can Still Be a Blessing To Others

Next Post

April 24, 2020 Hey Parents. Tired of "Losing It?" Here's What To Do Instead.

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Anxiety atheism Attachment Church Conflict Resolution Counseling Depression faith Family forgiveness Gender Happiness Health Humor Marriage Mental Health Mental Illness Mindfulness morality More2Life Radio Parenting Personal Wellness Personality Disorder Popcak Psychology News reconciliation Relationship religion self-help Sexuality Spirituality stress theology of the body Uncategorized

Select a Month June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Who succeeded Moses as leader of the Israelites?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Caleb Joshua Aaron Eli