Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Faith on the Couch

Home
Catholic
Meeting Your Needs AND Your Wants–A Godly Guide to Personal Fulfillment

Meeting Your Needs AND Your Wants–A Godly Guide to Personal Fulfillment

Last updated on: March 16, 2016 at 1:49 pm by Rachael Popcak and Dr. Gregory Popcak

Meeting Your Needs AND Your Wants–A Godly Guide to Personal Fulfillment 2016-03-16T13:49:36-05:00 Rachael Popcak and Dr. Gregory Popcak

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

“That’s not a need! That’s a want!”

How often have you heard this? How often have you said it?

We throw the words “need” and “want”around but do we really know what they mean? Somehow, by labeling something a “want” many people–parents and spouses in particular–feel that they have a right to deny someone something. Or, if we think something is a want and not a need, then we will often feel guilty even having it much less expressing it.

What is a need? What is a want.

Needs Defined:

A need refers to anything that sustains my overall well-being and fosters the full development of my physical, psychological, spiritual, or relational health. In Populorum Progressio (On the Development of Peoples), Pope Paul VI argued that all individuals have a God-given right to receive everything they need to develop fully as persons. As St. Irenaeus put it, “The glory of God is man fully alive.” In fact, as I argue in Broken Gods: Hope, Healing, and the Seven Longings of the Human Heart, properly understood, all our needs and our wants ultimately point us back to God.

Now, that said, no one has an unlimited, completely unfettered right to meet their needs however they want whenever they want regardless of how it affects everyone else.

Which brings us to wants.

Wants Defined:

A want represents the way we would prefer to meet a need. If a need is the “what” we want, a want represents the “how” and “when” I wish I could get what I want.

A want is not a lesser need that may be ignored. A want is a legitimate, though sometimes flawed, attempt to express and meet a need. Wants can be flawed in two ways. First, they might not actually meet the need they represent. For instance if I need more peace in my life, but I express that as “I want a divorce” the want (divorce) may actually–depending on the circumstances–actually make it harder to meet my need (greater peace in my life).

A second way a want could be flawed is if it prevents the people in my life from getting their needs met. The Church teaches that each person has a God-given right to meet every single one of their needs. We all have a divine right to receive everything we need to sustain and see to the full development of our physical, psychological, spiritual, and relational well-being BUT we also have an obligation to meet those needs in a manner that respects other people’s right to do the same.

If what I say I want could potentially conflict with meeting my needs or cause me to jeopardize someone else’s ability to meet their needs, that doesn’t mean I lose and don’t get to have my need met. It means I have to identify the true need and explore alternative ways to meet it.

Step 1: Identifying the Need Behind the Want

If something you want seems somehow ridiculous, or impossible, don’t dismiss it. Ask yourself instead, “How do I imagine I would benefit if I got that?” The answer to this question is your true need. The thing you are really trying to address by expressing the original want. Here are few, silly, for instances just to illustrate how the process works.

“I want a T.V. in every room of my house!”
“Well, how do I imagine I’d benefit if I had a TV in every house?”
“As silly as it sounds, I’d really like to have the noise to distract myself from all the things I worry about constantly.”
NEED: Inner-peace. Obviously a TV in every room won’t fulfill that need so that want is flawed, but just ignoring the want would not make the need for inner peace go away.

“I want to win the lottery and win 60 million dollars”
“And how do I imagine I’d benefit if I had all that money?”
“I’d finally be able to stop worrying about paying all my bills.”
NEED: A budget and/or a more effective financial plan. Simply dismissing the lottery wish as a pipe dream (which it is) doesn’t identify or address the underlying need which will still demand to be met after we’ve been disabused of the fantasy of limitless wealth.

So, step one, when you have a want that is hard to fulfill, is to not dismiss it take it seriously, and imagine the benefit you would hope to achieve by pursuing that silly, selfish, or conflicted want. If you get stuck, again, don’t dismiss the want. Bring it before God. Tell him that you know that what you want is probably very practical, but ask him to help you identify the need that want is attempting to express and teach you to meet it in godly ways.

Step 2: Brainstorm alternatives

Now that you’ve identified the need, it’s time to brainstorm alternative ways to meet it. To use our examples above, how might you learn new tools to silence the inner-worrier? Prayer? A more effective plan for getting it all under control. Some time to reflect on past times you’ve successfully managed a mountain of responsibilities with God’s grace? Alternatively, maybe it’s time to get some new tools or professional help?

Same with the need for a better budget or financial plan. Can I make a better budget? Do I need to talk with a financial planner? Or at least read some new books on budgeting and money management to get some good ideas? Maybe I don’t feel that I want to, but to address the need for peace expressed by my desire to just ignore it all, maybe it’s just time to bite the bullet.

The point is, it does little good to dismiss a concern on the grounds that it is “just a want.” There really is no such thing. Every want is an attempt–albeit often flawed–to meet a deeper need that will most likely rebel against me or the people who love me if I ignore it or allow it to be ignored for too long.

Embrace both your needs and your wants. Don’t dismiss them, but do reflect on them. Bring them to God. And get whatever help you need to brainstorm a plan for identifying healthy, alternative ways to meet the needs behind even your silly wants. It might turn out that they weren’t so silly after all.

For more information on how to meet your needs, especially when they seem to be in conflict with other people or other needs, check out Broken Gods: Hope, Healing, and the Seven Longings of the Human Heart. or contact the Pastoral Solutions Institute’s Tele-Counseling Practice to learn about how a faithful counselor can help you do a better job of getting your needs met in your marriage, family, or personal life.

Previous Post

March 8, 2016

Parenting Style Most Significant Factor Predicting Support for Trump, New Study Finds

Next Post

March 17, 2016 Hard to Say, "I'm Sorry" 3 Keys to an Effective Apology

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Anxiety atheism Attachment Church Conflict Resolution Counseling Depression faith Family forgiveness Gender Happiness Health Humor Marriage Mental Health Mental Illness Mindfulness morality More2Life Radio Parenting Personal Wellness Personality Disorder Popcak Psychology News reconciliation Relationship religion self-help Sexuality Spirituality stress theology of the body Uncategorized

Select a Month June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

How was Haman punished for his plot?

Select your answer to see how you score.

He was turned into a pillar of salt He was hanged on the gallows he built He was exiled He was beheaded