Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Faith on the Couch

Home
Catholic
Reclaim the Calm: 5 Hints for Healing an Angry Heart

Reclaim the Calm: 5 Hints for Healing an Angry Heart

Last updated on: May 28, 2015 at 9:03 pm by Rachael Popcak and Dr. Gregory Popcak

Reclaim the Calm: 5 Hints for Healing an Angry Heart 2015-05-28T21:03:29-05:00 Rachael Popcak and Dr. Gregory Popcak

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Image from Shutterstock. Used with Permission.

No one likes to be angry, but we all do become angry from time to time–and we all have to contend with the anger of others fairly regularly. Christians have a difficult relationship with anger. Intellectually, we know that anger is a natural part of the human experience; it is an emotion like any other. But we also know that anger can be sinful.

Lisa Hendey has a terrific post about an angry week she’s having and the poor fruit that struggle with anger is bearing in her life. She asks for prayers and I’ll certainly be offering up a few for her, but her comments prompted me to offer some musings on anger and how to manage it…gracefully.

Anger or Wrath?

Properly ordered, anger is actually an emotional gift God gives us, prompting us to take effective action in the face of an injustice. Righteous anger spurs us on to identify the problem and make a plan for resolving it. In this sense, anger isn’t a sin at all but rather a blessing. Wrath, or sinful anger, is another story. In my latest book, Broken Gods: Hope, Healing, and the Seven Longings of the Human Heart I explore how wrath is a really distortion of the Divine Longing for Justice–one of the seven longings that God has hard-wired into each of us that is intended to lead to our perfection and draw us closer to him, but has been distorted by sin.

Wrathful anger causes us to respond to problems, offenses, disorder, and injustices in ways that make the existing situation worse for ourselves and/or others. That’s why it’s sinful. Anger, itself, is just a tool. If we wield it in a manner that helps us clarify the nature of our problem and then take active, intentional steps to resolve it, then it is righteous, godly anger that does us credit and gives God glory. It is this kind of righteous anger that our Divine Longing for Justice is intended to fuel. It is measured. It is intentional. It is proportionate. It is productive. It is for this reason Jesus blesses those who hunger and thirst for justice.

If, on the other hand, we wield our anger in a manner that causes us to lash out at others, pile on misery, or injure ourselves in some way, then we are using our anger in a sinful manner that adds to the already existing injustice. Popularly speaking, the word “wrath” tends to conjure up images of Ghengis Khan burning down a village in some violent rampage, but wrath doesn’t have to be so dramatic. Most expressions of wrath are much more pedestrian and banal. We pick at our spouse’s smallest failings. We pout and mope. We yell at our children just for being children. We engage in self-indulgent habits and behaviors that give us momentary, albeit self-destructive, relief that does nothing to respond to the problem-at-hand. All of these things are common examples of how wrath can wreck our day and rule our life.

The Way Out

When we experience wrath, we often try to control it by shaming ourselves or trying to squelch it altogether. “I shouldn’t feel that way. Just stop it already” we day to ourselves along with other messages of self-recrimination. But these approaches inevitably fail. As I argue in Broken Gods, the only healthy way to resolve our struggle with wrath is to do the following.

1. Step Back and Back Off.

Remember that what is driving your wrath is not your weakness or badness or brokenness, but rather a sign that you are responding–poorly–to your Divine Longing for Justice. Something in your life is out of order. Something is amiss. Beating up on yourself doesn’t solve that. It only makes things worse. Stop picking on yourself. Instead, direct your emotional energy toward addressing your divine longing for justice.

2. Pray and Think.

Once you have reconnected with the divine purpose of your anger (i.e. the longing for justice), take a moment to ask God for clarity. What is the problem that you are reacting to? What is the injustice that needs to be addressed; the problem that needs to be solved? Write down your thoughts about what, exactly, you think is wrong.

3. Pray and Plan.

Now ask God for clarity about what he would like you to do to address the problem. Ignoring it is NOT an option. If that was going to work, you wouldn’t be struggling with wrath in the first place. In the words of Pope St. Gregory the Great, “thoughts seethe all the more when corralled by the violent guard of an indiscreet silence.” Once wrath has been engaged, the problem has gotten to big to ignore. Make a plan. What do you need to do to address it? What resources do you need to gather? Whose help do you need to enlist?

4. Act.

Now DO something to enact your plan. Focus the energy you were directing toward wrathful behavior and self-recrimination toward taking initial steps to address the problem that is provoking your reaction.

5. Evaluate and Adapt.

Finally, check in periodically to make sure your plan is working well and the problem is being resolved. Adjust your plan as new information becomes available so you can maintain steady progress. Traditionally the virtue of patience is the antidote to wrath, but patience doesn’t mean “just letting things go.” It means being willing to take action and then allow the good efforts you are making unfold and take effect in your life. A flower doesn’t grow faster by yelling at it or shaming it for being too slow. Give your efforts the time they need to germinate and blossom. Practicing patience in the face of your anger means making a commitment to evaluating and adapting in response to new information as you intentionally work to address the injustices in your life and resist the temptation to rash actions. Patience doesn’t eliminate anger. It trains our anger so that it can be an effective tool that motivates us to respond effectively and intentionally to the injustices in our life.

Be Not Afraid

We don’t have to live in fear of our anger, and we don’t have to beat up on ourselves for getting angry. Instead, we need to make friends with our anger by embracing the divine longing for justice that is driving the anger. When we can do this, we can wield our righteous, godly anger as the powerful tool it is meant to be; a tool that helps drive our efforts to create order out of chaos, peace out of conflict, and restore justice in our lives.

For more help learning how to identify the divine longings that drive the parts of yourself that you like the least and how these parts can become the engines of your perfection in Christ, check out Broken Gods: Hope, Healing, and the Seven Longings of the Human Heart. Or, if you are struggling with ongoing problems related to anger in your life, contact the Pastoral Solutions Institute to learn how our Catholic tele-counseling practice can help you find the justice and peace you are seeking.

Mental Health

anger

Previous Post

May 27, 2015

For Teens, Religious Involvement Prevents Early Sex But Early Sex Kills Religious Involvement

Next Post

May 28, 2015 Discover The Hidden Truth About Your Ultimate Destiny in Christ.

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Anxiety atheism Attachment Church Conflict Resolution Counseling Depression faith Family forgiveness Gender Happiness Health Humor Marriage Mental Health Mental Illness Mindfulness morality More2Life Radio Parenting Personal Wellness Personality Disorder Popcak Psychology News reconciliation Relationship religion self-help Sexuality Spirituality stress theology of the body Uncategorized

Select a Month June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What was the name of the disciple who doubted Jesus' resurrection?

Select your answer to see how you score.

James John Peter Thomas