Marriage Enemy #1

Last updated on: September 10, 2013 at 8:16 am by Rachael Popcak and Dr. Gregory Popcak

Marriage Enemy #1 2013-09-10T08:16:20-05:00 Rachael Popcak and Dr. Gregory Popcak

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

People often ask me what the biggest problem affecting marriages is. They usually expect me to say something like, “poor communication”, “infidelity”, “drugs and alcohol” and the like.

All of these are important problems, of course and they are, unfortunately, common. But they are not the most common or even the most serious problem undermining marriages in my estimation. In fact, the real problem is what often causes all of these other issues. So, what is the most common marriage problem couples present with? Namely; it is that husbands and wives tend to love their own comfort zones and preferences more than they love each other.

There isn’t anything wrong with having preferences and wants. In fact, respecting each other’s preferences and desires is key to a healthy relationship. The problem is a matter of degree. Inevitably, our desires and preferences conflict from time to time. The healthy couple learns a dance that enables them to be sufficiently generous and accommodating in their day to day interactions–even when they are being asked to step outside their comfort zones–that they each don’t mind when the other occasionally needs a break from the self-donation that represents the norm.

By contrast, the less happy couple tends to double-down when one perceives that his or her comfort zone is being threatened. Instead of looking for ways to take care of each other, they get selfish and try to push what they want without regard for how it makes the other feel.

Dr Scott Stanley has a great example of this in his description of a couple’s conversation he witnessed. Long-term love and commitment—and definitely marriage—require long-term, consistent sacrifices one for another. Sure, there are times when we don’t sacrifice (too many of them in most marriages). But I wondered if this incident was part of a pattern. I hope not. If it is a pattern, and they stay together, she’s in for more cold times ahead.

He also describes the antidote to the problem. Check out his post.

(For more ideas to make your marriage great, check out For Better…FOREVER! A Catholic Guide to Lifelong Marriage)

Marriage

Relationship

Uncategorized

Previous Post

September 6, 2013

This Guy Gets It--THIS is how to talk to your boys about girls.

Next Post

September 10, 2013 The Power of Spiritual Parenthood

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Anxiety atheism Attachment Church Conflict Resolution Counseling Depression faith Family forgiveness Gender Happiness Health Humor Marriage Mental Health Mental Illness Mindfulness morality More2Life Radio Parenting Personal Wellness Personality Disorder Popcak Psychology News reconciliation Relationship religion self-help Sexuality Spirituality stress theology of the body Uncategorized

Select a Month June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

How many Psalms are attributed to David?

Select your answer to see how you score.

40 100 50 73