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You Can Care Deeply and Still Be the Calm in the Boat

You Can Care Deeply and Still Be the Calm in the Boat

Last updated on: November 10, 2026 at 7:23 am by Christine Moriarty Field

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You Can Care Deeply and Still Be the Calm in the Boat 2026-11-10T07:23:09-06:00 Christine Moriarty Field

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Asleep in the Boat: Staying Calm When Family Crisis Hits

There is a scene in the Gospel of Mark that I think every woman who serves as her family’s emergency responder should read slowly.

If you’re the woman in your family who always answers the phone, always shows up, always fixes it, you know how this works. A grown child calls in a panic. A sibling needs money by tomorrow. A parent’s caregiver quits. Everyone’s urgency becomes your urgency, and if you hesitate even a moment, someone asks some version of Don’t you care? | Image courtesy of Pixabay

“And there arose a great storm of wind, and the waves beat into the ship, so that it was now full. And he was in the hinder part of the ship, asleep on a pillow: and they awake him, and say unto him, Master, carest thou not that we perish?” (Mark 4:37–38)

The boat is filling with water. The disciples, several of them experienced fishermen, are terrified. And Jesus is asleep. On a pillow.

Then they say the line that so many of us have heard, in one form or another, from the people we love: Carest thou not?

“Don’t you even care?”

It’s the oldest guilt line there is. When we don’t respond to a crisis with the same panic as the person in it, we get accused of not caring.

Jesus did care. Deeply. But he didn’t let the disciples’ panic set his pace. He rose, and then he spoke to the storm: “Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.” (Mark 4:39)

The calm came from the one who wasn’t panicking.

He withdrew himself

This wasn’t a one-time moment. The Gospels show Jesus repeatedly stepping away from pressing need.

“But so much the more went there a fame abroad of him: and great multitudes came together to hear, and to be healed by him of their infirmities. And he withdrew himself into the wilderness, and prayed.” (Luke 5:15–16)

Read that again. The crowds were growing. The needs were real: people wanted healing. And he withdrew.

If the Son of God didn’t answer every need the moment it arose, you are allowed to take a breath before you answer yours.

Burdens and loads

Many Christian women carry a verse that, read alone, can feel like a command to say yes to everything:

“Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2)

But three verses later, Paul writes something that seems to contradict it:

“For every man shall bear his own burden.” (Galatians 6:5)

Which is it? Many Bible teachers point out that Paul uses two different Greek words here. The first refers to a crushing weight, too heavy for one person, the kind that calls for help. The second describes something more like a soldier’s pack: the everyday load each person is responsible for carrying for themselves.

We’re called to help with the crushing weights. We are not called to carry every adult’s daily pack for them. And when we do, we often keep them from growing strong enough to carry it themselves.

Yea, yea; nay, nay

Jesus also gave us a gift for the moment of decision: “But let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay.” (Matthew 5:37)

Simple. No long defense. No anxious over-explaining.

Many of us were raised to believe that a “no” needs a three-paragraph justification. But the more we explain, the more room we leave for argument, and the more likely the urgency and guilt pull us back in.

A calm “No, I’m not able to do that” can be one of the most loving things we say.

Quietness and confidence

If you’re facing the holidays already bracing for the next family emergency, hold on to this promise: “In quietness and in confidence shall be your strength.” (Isaiah 30:15)

Not in rushing. Not in fixing. In quietness and confidence.

I wrote Crisis-Proof Boundaries for women who are tired of being emotionally on call and ready to love without disappearing. It isn’t a faith book; it’s a practical one, with scripts for money requests, emotional crises and guilt, and a simple pause that changes how you respond. But its heart fits this passage well: you can care deeply and still be the calm in the boat. You can get it here.

A prayer for the storm

Lord, when the waves come over the side and everyone around me is panicking, give me the calm You had in the boat. Help me know which burdens are mine to help carry and which loads belong to someone else. Teach me to answer simply, yes or no, without fear. And when the need is endless, show me how to withdraw and pray as You did. Amen.

Let’s Discuss: Think of a current family need. Is it a crushing burden that calls for help, or a daily load that belongs to someone else?

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