Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Progressive Christian
Should Christians Attend Same-Sex Weddings?

Should Christians Attend Same-Sex Weddings?

Last updated on: January 21, 2022 at 7:51 pm by Guest Contributor

Should Christians Attend Same-Sex Weddings? 2022-01-21T19:51:46+00:00 Guest Contributor

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

It was heartbreaking enough that Joe and Mary’s favorite granddaughter, Emma, “came out” a couple of years ago. They couldn’t believe that the little girl they used to take to Sunday school, the teen who gave her heart to Jesus at a Young Life Camp, was now declaring herself a lesbian.

It took all the grace they possessed to treat her gay girlfriend like family at Christmas. They prayed Emma would come to her senses, but those hopes were dashed when they received a wedding invitation from Emma and her girlfriend.

Joe and Mary couldn’t decide what to do. They deeply love Emma, and if they stayed away from the ceremony, it would break their granddaughter’s heart, causing a rift in the family and destroying any future influence they might have in leading Emma to embrace Jesus fully. But neither could they affirm their granddaughter’s unbiblical choices. Their very presence at the wedding would condone what Jesus declared to be wrong.

For guidance, we must look to Scripture to see what Jesus might do in such a situation. Jesus understood all too well that we live in a post-Genesis 3 world, and he had compassion for those trapped in sin. God set his design for sex, gender, marriage and divorce in the Garden of Eden. But, in Genesis 3, Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit and plunged all of creation into sin, which twisted everything, from creation itself to the creatures who inhabit it. In such a world, neglected and abused children grow up to be messed-up adults.

So, we must strive to be like Jesus in showing compassion without compromising his holiness. We don’t have to affirm either heterosexual or homosexual sins to show the graciousness of our Lord Jesus toward sinners.

Motives Matter

Jesus interacted often with tax collectors and prostitutes, so does that give us free rein to attend a gay wedding or provide a guest room for a child or grandchild and their unmarried partner or gay spouse? On the surface it seems to, until we note Jesus’ response to his religious critics: he has only two reasons for keeping such company – he loves the lost sons and daughters of God and he wants to bring them home from the far country.

The synagogue saints are quick to point out that his very presence is tantamount to condoning the sinful lifestyles of reprobate tax collectors and prostitutes. We could argue the same for a Christian attending a gay wedding or other events that celebrate LGBTQ values and agendas.

So, the first issue is always “What is your motive as a Christian for being there?” Is it to keep peace in the family or the goodwill of the person who invited you? Or, is it because you are afraid your refusal will negate any chance to lead them to Christ later? Do you really believe that their salvation is dependent on you? Like that of Jesus, the purest motive is to do that which honors God and brings others to Christ.

When the Scriptures aren’t crystal-clear on what you should do, do what Jesus did: he went off alone to pray. He got his marching orders from his Father. Martin Luther said, “We pray not so much to get God’s answers as to get his heart. When we have his heart, we will do what he would do.” Maybe that’s why Luther famously said, “Love God, and do what you will.” Next, if prayer doesn’t make things immediately clear, seek counsel from godly people who have a well-balanced view of God’s Word. Ask them to check your motives, help expose where they are self-serving and give you spirit-led counsel.

While our motive matters, so does the situation. It was one thing for Jesus to go to dinner with tax collectors and prostitutes. It would have been quite another for him to take a seat next to them at their tax booths or sit on the front porch at the house of prostitution as they waited for their customers to show up.

In the same way, it’s one thing to socialize with LGBTQ folks, but it’s quite another to condone, by our attendance, a ceremony that violates everything God has designed for marriage. One might argue, “But why single out gay weddings, when there are heterosexual marriages that violate God’s design for marriage?” We might respond, “You are right. Some heterosexual marriages ought not to be sanctioned by the church or condoned by the happy presence of Christians.” What goes for gay marriages, goes for all violations of God’s plan for heterosexual marriages too.

Here’s the rub when it comes to going to a gay wedding. If we go because we feel pressured to please our loved ones or keep peace in the family—but at the same time don’t want to condone what’s happening—how do we show up without ruining the affair? Do we smile during and after the ceremony, giving the impression that we approve? Or put on a sour face to make sure everyone knows we don’t approve?

Do we give our congratulations to the bride and bride (or groom and groom), or do we withhold any words that might encourage them?

There may be reasons to attend, but for the one who does, attendance will be fraught with peril. Either we will displease God by our behavior, compromise our own integrity, or displease those who are there.

Jesus had no doubts about the rightness of his association with sinners. He had a single passion in life that motivated everything he did: “to seek and to save those who are lost.”

However, we are not Jesus. Our sinfulness and human frailties will get in our way when we try to figure out answers to disputable questions like going to gay weddings. So, here’s a principle to live by: if you doubt, don’t do it. If your motives are not totally to glorify Jesus and lead others to him, don’t do it. If you are making your decisions to please Christian friends, do not do it to placate them.

St. Paul says, “Keep these things between you and God.” In other words, what pleases him is the only reason to do (or not to do) anything. Do his will, and leave the consequences of your action to him to take care of.

About Dr. Robert Petterson

Dr. Robert “Bob” Petterson is an author, speaker, former pastor and founder of the Legacy Imperative, a ministry devoted to inspiring, mobilizing and equipping grandparents, parents and other advocates for Millennials and Generation Z to evangelize and disciple their loved ones who are far from the Christian faith. He has earned a Doctorate from Fuller Theological Seminary and has served as East Coast president of Mastermedia International but considers his most vital role as that of grandfather. You can read more about the author here.

Previous Post

January 21, 2022

Gender Dysphoria: Real or Imagined?

Next Post

February 11, 2022 Detaching from American Christianity

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Advent Author Interviews Battle Over the Body and Blood of Christ Bearing Beauty Book Reviews Christian Education christian spirituallity christianity Christmas Church Church Leadership Contemplation Creation Care Death and Dying Death Penalty Disruptive Change Disruptors Series Easter Education Evolution and Faith Future of Progressive Christianity Gun Violence Health & Wellness Holy Week Interfaith Israel-Palestine Leading Differently Lent LGBTQ Living with Cancer Meditations on the Cross Mental Illness millennials Mimetic Mondays Monday Meditations Movie Reviews New Monasticism Pando Populus Parenting Patheos 10+1 Q&A Series PC(USA) Politics Pop Culture Practical Theology Series Prayer progressive christian Race Relations Reformation religion Religion and Politics Religion in America Rethink Church Social Justice Spirituality Spirituality of the Body Stump a Scholar Technology and Faith Thanksgiving Theodicy Trust Me Church Uncategorized Why I'm Still Christian Youth Ministry

Select a Month December 2025 April 2025 January 2025 September 2023 September 2022 May 2022 February 2022 January 2022 November 2021 October 2021 May 2021 February 2021 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 June 2020 May 2020 March 2020 June 2019 March 2019 January 2019 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Who was Lydia's profession?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Weaver Potter Cloth merchant Farmer