Does being afraid make you a wimp?

Last updated on: October 27, 2011 at 9:58 am by Julie Colwell

Does being afraid make you a wimp? 2011-10-27T09:58:24-05:00 Julie Colwell

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Many folks believe that there’s something wrong with certain emotions. It might be OK to be scared and sad, but not mad–that’s mean! Or anger is acceptable, but not that wimpy stuff like fear or sadness. In some families, being happy was the only state allowed.

Trying to express only certain emotions stops the flow. As Katie Hendricks says, all emotions–mad, sad, glad, scared, sexual–come from the same hose. You can’t just turn off some of the water without slowing or shutting off the flow of aliveness as well.

What is it about showing fear or sadness that people judge to be weak? Certainly in many families, allowing others (often siblings) to see one’s soft underbelly was an invitation for attack. The “predator/prey” response, where the aggressive predator hunts down the weakest of the herd and goes for the jugular, is certainly echoed in our mammalian bodies. It can be very challenging to shift out of the idea that expressing any of the softer emotions is just a bad idea.

So, why say, “I feel scared that you’ll leave me” instead of the much tougher-sounding, “Fine! I get it–you have a problem with trust! I’m OUT of here!!”? What advantage is there to expose one’s real emotions, knowing it leads to rank vulnerability?

Being truly connected to others requires connecting with one’s real, authentic self. Such authenticity requires tuning into all five emotions, not just those we’ve been conditioned to view as acceptable. Additionally, anger and aggression triggers others to automatically step away and give the angry person space, while fear and sadness naturally pull others in to comfort and soothe. If the truth is that I’m afraid, but I’m looking and sounding angry, it’s likely that I’ll generate responses of people moving away from me, creating even more reasons to be afraid. And so the cycle continues.

So, does being afraid make you a wimp? One of the definitions of “wimp” includes “one who lacks courage.” My answer is no, as authenticity is clearly not for wimps. True power, real courage comes from speaking what is true at any given moment and then stepping into the unknown, the uncontrolled, of the world’s response.

Previous Post

October 5, 2011

Happiness as an indicator, not a drift

Next Post

November 9, 2011 The lure of victim consciousness

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Appreciation Authenticity Blame Blog Highlight Classes Co-Creativity Communication Creative Brain Creative Brain Communication Creativity Emotions Energy Essence Events Evolutionary power Generosity Health Inner Map Inspiration Integrity Love Manifestation News Podcast Presencing Reactive Brain Real Power Relationships S.E.W. Self-hate, self-love Taking responsibility Transparency Triangle Trust Unarguable truth Uncategorized video Workshops

Select a Month November 2017 October 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 January 2016 October 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 January 2014 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 May 2010 April 2010 January 2010 August 2009 February 2009 December 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 April 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

The glory of this present house will be greater than the glory of the former house. What building is being reconstructed?

Select your answer to see how you score.

The palace The whole of Jerusalem The temple The city wall