The unfulfilled promise of BLAMING

Last updated on: September 2, 2008 at 5:57 pm by Julie Colwell

The unfulfilled promise of BLAMING 2008-09-02T17:57:39-05:00 Julie Colwell

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

I had a brief foray into writing Country Western songs–they’re the best at expressing the true drama of life. Here’s one I especially liked (imagine a drawling, slow paced vocal):

If blame feels so good, why don’t I feel better?
It’s driving me out of my mind!
If blame feels so good, why don’t I feel better?
Not misery and pain all the time…

I think I’ve mastered the art of blaming. I’ve got a whole cast of characters: The long-suffering martyr blamer (“I’ll do it, it’s ok…”), the seething blamer (–SILENCE–but you know it was your fault), the defensive blamer (“I did the best I could, why don’t YOU try?!”), and yes, the overt blamer (“I never would have done ____ if you hadn’t done ____ first!”).

What I notice about blaming is, alas, it’s true–I really don’t feel better. After the initial adrenaline shot of the first finger-point (even if it’s at me), things kinda go downhill. What else is there to do? Wait for the other person to change? Try to brow-beat them into it? None of that has ever actually worked.

What does work? The big move is to shift into wonder. I have that word, “wonder,” inscribed on my watchband so I can see it all the time. Going from the AHA!! to the Hmmmm, in Planet Hendricks terms, makes all the difference. When I blame, I believe I know the source of the problem. Of course, if that knowledge had helped, the problem would’ve been solved. When I shift into curiosity, the realm of not knowing, suddenly possibilities magically open up again. It’s like the tide has started coming in and lifts me off of the sandbar I’m stuck on. And I get to turn around into the open sea. It’s the sometimes scary unknown, but it’s a rollicking good ride.

Blame

Previous Post

August 2, 2008

New beginnings: Endings

Next Post

September 30, 2008 You're not hearing me!

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Appreciation Authenticity Blame Blog Highlight Classes Co-Creativity Communication Creative Brain Creative Brain Communication Creativity Emotions Energy Essence Events Evolutionary power Generosity Health Inner Map Inspiration Integrity Love Manifestation News Podcast Presencing Reactive Brain Real Power Relationships S.E.W. Self-hate, self-love Taking responsibility Transparency Triangle Trust Unarguable truth Uncategorized video Workshops

Select a Month November 2017 October 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 January 2016 October 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 January 2014 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 May 2010 April 2010 January 2010 August 2009 February 2009 December 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 April 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What did Jesus give to Judas at the Last Supper?

Select your answer to see how you score.

A piece of bread A cup of wine A robe A scroll