Bedrooms and Bootstraps

Last updated on: September 12, 2013 at 1:48 pm by Eve Tushnet

Bedrooms and Bootstraps 2013-09-12T13:48:39-04:00 Eve Tushnet

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Last weekend I went to a conference put on by the Archdiocese of Washington, “Speaking of Love: Answering Tough Questions About Human Sexuality.” It was geared toward youth ministers, teachers, and other people who work with teens and young adults, so it was a window into what the AD-Dubs thinks young people need to hear about sex, marriage and chastity. I had, I guess, three basic problems with the conference’s approach, which I will present in no especial order. (I went to the keynote speech/q&a and two of the afternoon sessions.)

1) Separating sex from the rest of culture. Sex and marriage can’t be fully considered outside of the context of economics, and outside of broader ideas about the self/the person. For many teens and young adults, marriage seems like a fantasy (longed-for but unrealistic) which competes with alternative narratives about finding oneself, travel, fame or following your dreams, and economic competition. I was sort of surprised that this conference didn’t seem to ask what young people want, what stories they’re telling themselves about their own futures, and what they believe is necessary in order to be a good person. There was almost an assumption that Catholic kids know what it means to be moral and just need help choosing the right thing more often, and I’m not convinced that’s true. I’ve said before that people have strong moral beliefs that premarital sex is the responsible path to marriage (/”commitment”), marriage should be delayed until you’re economically stable, etc, and these counternarratives weren’t acknowledged at the conference.

2) On gay issues, when it’s three o’clock in New York it’s still 1991 in the ADW. When the conference addressed gay issues or same-sex attraction the presenters took a natural-law theological approach, backed up by bogus statistics. This doesn’t answer the questions people are asking. I mean, I don’t think most people even reach the point of disagreeing with the natural-law approach, because they’re not asking, “Give me a theological basis for the Church’s teaching.” They’re asking, “What future does the Church envision for my son who just came out, or my best friend who just married her partner?” That question was 100% unaddressed.

Also, bad statistics. The average gay man does not have hundreds of partners. He just does not. And it was obvious from conversations with people in the audience that these stats were having the DARE effect: Because they were so obviously out of line with one’s own personal experience of gay people, they made everything else the presenters said about gay issues unbelievable.

3) The Gospel is not a moral code. The keynote speaker set the tone here. He made some really interesting points which I will be mulling over, so I don’t want to act as if everything he said was wrong or unhelpful, but he really emphasized doing the right thing through one’s own efforts. There was no mention of human weakness and the need for unconditional surrender to God; no talk of penitence and forgiveness, accepting one’s own failures in the area of chastity and seeking to rely solely on God rather than on one’s own strength.

I asked a (rambling, clumsy) question about this exclusive emphasis on victory-through-individual-effort, since I think it sets up a success vs. failure narrative which almost guarantees that teens will feel either despairing or dismissive of chastity, and here’s the amazing thing: The guy’s answer was beautiful. He delivered this two- or three-minute-long off-the-cuff peroration about the need for surrender and for grace and for Confession, and it was just the most hopeful and lovely thing you can imagine. So why didn’t anyone realize that this needs to be part of the core of our message on chastity? Surrender and penitence are realistic whereas success is not. They are relevant to teens! Obviously yes, try to do the right thing, if you don’t try to be aware of your attitudes and actions you can’t turn them over to God, but better technique is not the way to sanctification.

His banner over me was love

mackerel-snapping

reading and repentance

sun sex sin death and destruction

sweet smell of success

Previous Post

September 12, 2013

"When a Child Is a Second Chance": Me at Acculturated

Next Post

September 17, 2013 Glorious Jewelled Skeletons

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Art Best-Of Gay Catholic Whatnot Mackerel-Snapping self-obsessed Too much is never enough Uncategorized

Select a Month November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 August 2022 July 2022 May 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007 March 2007 February 2007 January 2007 December 2006 November 2006 October 2006 September 2006 August 2006 July 2006 June 2006 May 2006 April 2006 March 2006 February 2006 January 2006 December 2005 November 2005 October 2005 September 2005 August 2005 July 2005 June 2005 May 2005 April 2005 March 2005 February 2005 January 2005 December 2004 November 2004 October 2004 September 2004 August 2004 July 2004 June 2004 May 2004 April 2004 March 2004 February 2004 January 2004 December 2003 November 2003 October 2003 September 2003 August 2003 July 2003 June 2003 May 2003 April 2003 March 2003 February 2003 January 2003 December 2002 November 2002 October 2002 September 2002 August 2002 July 2002 June 2002 May 2002 April 2002 March 2002 February 2002 January 2002

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What does "Hosanna" mean?

Select your answer to see how you score.

He reigns Praise God Save us Come quickly