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How do you define Self-Love? An exploration…

How do you define Self-Love? An exploration…

Last updated on: September 14, 2016 at 8:15 am by Mastura Debra Graugnard

How do you define Self-Love? An exploration… 2016-09-14T08:15:08-05:00 Mastura Debra Graugnard

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Morning Mist on the Bay

We know when we lack it. We know we ultimately need it. But what is it? How do you define self-love?

My teacher and guide, Sidi Shaykh Muhammad al-Jamal, wrote in his book, Music of the Soul:

Everyone needs peace and love – the birds, the animals, the people – everything needs love. If you do not know the meaning of love, you have lost the meaning of life because from this love you can see the true picture of God.

The human journey is all about finding the meaning of love. Where do we go when we want to find the meaning of a word? The dictionary, of course.

Just for grins, I looked up the meaning of “love” on dictionary.com. Here’s what I found:

love (noun)

a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
sexual passion or desire.
a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.
(used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?
a love affair; an intensely amorous incident; amour.
sexual intercourse; copulation.
(initial capital letter) a personification of sexual affection, as Eros or Cupid.
affectionate concern for the well-being of others: the love of one’s neighbor.
strong predilection, enthusiasm, or liking for anything: her love of books.
the object or thing so liked: The theater was her great love.
the benevolent affection of God for His creatures, or the reverent affection due from them to God.

Interesting. I wouldn’t call these definitions incorrect, but none of them come close to the totality of the meaning of life which we seek – the true meaning of love as it pertains to the Essence of our existence; that capital-L Love that describes the Indescribable Pre-Existent Being that expresses and manifests through all of existence; the breath of Life Force that breathes the spirit into the physical presence to give life to all that is seen and unseen.

This is not to fault dictionary.com. Volumes have been written on the meaning of Love, and there is still more to say.

There is a verse in the Qur’an that says:

“And if all the trees on the earth were pens and all the sea [were] ink – with yet seven [more] seas to extend it – still the Word of Allah would not be finished; for surely Allah is All-Mighty, Wise.”

Quran 31:27 (Translation from the Tajwidi Quran, A. Nooruddeen Durkee)

The true essence of love is a presence of being that lives, breathes and expresses. It is not dependent on emotions, which ebb and flow. It is not dependent on the state of humanity or on relationships of any kind. If it were, we would certainly have obliterated it by now. Thank goodness, it persists regardless of what we do.

Seeking the meaning of love is a life-long journey into the infinite. So, what does that make self-love as it pertains to the spiritual journey?

Again, applying the dictionary’s definitions of love to the self doesn’t do justice to the meaning of self-love.

We think of self-love as being kind to ourselves, not thinking bad thoughts about ourselves or holding ourselves back from living fully and loving freely. This is important, but the efforts of respect, kindness, fullness and freedom often come about as an effort to compensate for a lack of self-love, and not a realization, and perhaps celebration, of the existence of love itself.

The famous Sufi poet, Rumi, wrote:

“You are not a drop in the ocean.
You are the ocean in a drop.”

We live and subsist in an ocean of love, and we are not separate from that ocean. The Essence of Love as it exists in the Pre-Existent Being is manifest and expressed in each drop of this ocean of existence. Each and every one of us contains the knowledge of the entire ocean within us. Yet, can we truly encompass that which is All-Encompassing?

Another quote from my teacher, Shaykh Muhammad al-Jamal, from his book, Music of the Soul:

“You think you are a small star,
when in fact you contain the whole universe. “

So what does it mean to realize self-love? Could the realization of self-love be to know beyond the many shadows of doubt that exist within us, the ocean of divine essence that is simultaneously present and encompasses all of the parts of ourselves?

Another quote from the Sufi poet, Rumi, says,

“Your task is not to seek for love,
but merely to seek and find all the barriers
you have built against it.”

Those barriers are what block us from knowing. They hide and protect the tender affectionate parts of ourselves.

The barriers come from the experiences of life in physical form on the material plane. As we lose sight of the reality of existence within us, we use our senses and perceptions and the signals of emotion from the heart to guide us. Based on this sensory information, the mind develops beliefs, defense mechanisms and coping strategies to keep us safe for the earth journey.

All of these beliefs, emotions and perceptions rest inside us on top of the truth of existence which resides in the deeper heart. The game of life becomes to realize which of the inner beliefs are barriers and which are the divine truths, and then to release the barriers to uncover our truths.

This reminds me of a young girl I worked with a few years back. She was 6½ years old at the time. This girl had not yet forgotten her experience of being in the womb. She was telling her mother what is was like:

She said, “I liked being in the womb, because when you’re in the womb, you get to go back. Like, if you get scared, you can go back and ask questions.”

And her mom said, “Really? You got scared? What happened?”

Girl: “Well, mommmm…., you get to see everything. They show you a movie of your whole life before you come here.”

Mom: “And it’s scary? Well, if you don’t like it, can you change it?”

Girl: “No Mom. It’s not like that. You see, God has it all worked out. You have to come here to learn things, like lessons at school, and you can’t change that.”

Mom: “Well, do you remember the movie?”

Girl: “No, mom! That would be like going on a treasure hunt when you already know the treasure!”

That would be like going on a treasure hunt when you already know the treasure! Wise words from this young wisdom-keeper.

Is the treasure the knowing of existence that we knew before coming into physical form? Or does it extend even beyond that? Beyond the lesson planner?

True self-love is not an emotion or an action, but a realization and actualization. We can use our feelings and habits to guide us to find self-love, like clues along a treasure hunt that lead us to the treasure.

If we truly knew the divinity in and of ourselves, we would only treat ourselves with unwavering love, honor, respect and reverence. How could we do otherwise?

The barriers that we have built against love are those that keep us from treating ourselves with honor and respect. These are the voices that say we’re not good enough, not pretty enough, not thin enough, not lovable enough, not creative enough. What is that voice inside of you saying?

These are the voices that stand between us and the truth within – and they are the doorways that lead us back to the knowing of truth within.

The truth is what exists – it’s not about us; it’s not dependent on whether we’ve done enough to deserve love or whether we are worthy of love. It is what is.

We are Love. Our task is to accept it, to accept that we are it, yet it is not about us.

The Sufis say, “It is from you and it is for you, but it is not about you.”

Can you accept yourself – the totality of your life and your existence – as Love?

The path to true self-love is through the realization of the truth of your existence, balanced with the actualization of self-acceptance and self-respect. If you would like to know more about living in the purity of self-love, not just a compensation for the times and places that lack self-love, we have a program that might be a good fit for you.

This live webinar series is designed to walk you through issues of loving yourself and into loving the individual God created when He created you. For more information. CLICK HERE.

PHOTO CREDITS: Adobe Stock Photo © gordo25 #66933765

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