Fear of Sleep, Fear of Eternity: Confronting Sloth with the Help of Thomas Aquinas

Last updated on: September 3, 2016 at 11:04 am by David Russell Mosley

Fear of Sleep, Fear of Eternity: Confronting Sloth with the Help of Thomas Aquinas 2016-09-03T11:04:59-04:00 David Russell Mosley

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

David Russell Mosley

Artist Vincent van Gogh (1853–1890) Title The Starry Night Date 1889 Source Wikimedia Commons, Public Domain

Artist
Vincent van Gogh (1853–1890)
Title The Starry Night
Date 1889
Source Wikimedia Commons, Public Domain

Ordinary Time
St. Gregory the Great
The Edge of Elfland
Hudson, New Hampshire

Dear Readers,

Sometimes I have trouble sleeping. There’s nothing particularly unusual in this. People everywhere suffer from insomnia, but I’m not an insomniac. But that’s no matter, stress often keeps up, and does me sometimes. But that’s not what I’m talking about either. Sometimes, though it has happened less often since having kids, I am simply terrified. Some nights I have no desire to sleep because I’m afraid. For the longest time I couldn’t understand why I feared sleep, why I wished I could simply blink my way to the next morning. Last night, however, as I struggled to sleep (this time not through fear), I think I began to understand.

You see, sleep isn’t the only thing I’ve been “irrationally” afraid of. Sometimes, I find myself afraid of eternity. There have been days where I sat contemplating the nature of eternity, the possibility of unending life in the presence of God and my heart begins to pound. The thought of unending life with God terrified me, and still does sometimes. Even now, whilst being distracted by my kids roaring, I can feel my heart begin to race just writing this. But why, why am I afraid of eternal life?

Artist Giovanni di Paolo (1403–1482) Link back to Creator infobox template wikidata:Q946420 Description Illustration of Dante's Paradiso, canto X, first circle of the 12 teachers of wisdom led by Thomas Aquinas Manuscript Date between 1442 and circa 1450 Source Wikimedia Commons, Public Domain

Artist

Giovanni di Paolo (1403–1482) Link back to Creator infobox template wikidata:Q946420
Description
Illustration of Dante’s Paradiso, canto X, first circle of the 12 teachers of wisdom led by Thomas Aquinas Manuscript
Date between 1442 and circa 1450
Source Wikimedia Commons, Public Domain

Ultimately, I think I’m afraid of eternal bliss because I’m so sinful. The demons try to convince me that my fear is about other things: fear of being without loved ones, fear of being bored. But those are smokescreens, attempts to distract me from the truth: I’m afraid of bliss, of joy, of being truly happy.

This for, Aquinas, is a definition of sloth or acedia (I won’t get into their differences right now, but it important to note that what is usually translated as sloth in Aquinas is the Latin word, acedia. For Aquinas, one definition of sloth is “sorrow for spiritual good” when recognized as a spiritual good (ST IIa-IIae. 35, 1). Now it’s true that for me, this sorrow does not result in, “an oppressive sorrow, which, to wit, so weighs upon man’s mind, that he wants to do nothing.” I do not become sluggish, at least not in a traditional sense when I sorrow over the spiritual good of eternal bliss. But maybe I do. Perhaps normally we think of sloth/sluggishness as being physically inactive. But if sloth is sorrow for spiritual good, then it stands to reason that I become sluggish spiritually. In fact, this slothfulness often comes when I am doing well spiritually, when my prayer life is active and thriving.

For Aquinas the corresponding virtue for the sin of sloth is charity. Aquinas defines it this way, “it belongs specially to charity to have that spiritual joy whereby one rejoices in the Divine good” (ST IIa-IIae. 35, 2). So, for me, it is precisely when I am beginning to have charity, that proper joy in Divine goods, that I begin to be sorrowful about them, that I begin to fear them, even hate them. For if truth be told, sometimes, in my darker moments, I wish for there to be no eternal life, for this life to be all there is and that I will cease to exist when I die. Sloth.

So why am I afraid sometimes to sleep? I think part of it, particularly in my darkest moments, is fear of, or sorrow about, the good of waking up the next morning. But even my less dark moments, I think it is a fear and sorrow related to my fear concerning eternal life. I am sorrowful about the goods in my life.

I’ve always acknowledged that I struggle with lust and anger and pride. Those have been obvious sins in my life. Now, however, I know I struggle with sloth (or perhaps acedia) as well. What’s better, I know what I need to overcome it. I need charity, I need joy in the Divine good. Of course I can’t get this on my own, but knowing what I need can help me in seeking God’s aid. So, perhaps, when I next fear falling asleep or fear the prospects of eternal bliss, I can focus my attention on taking joy in the Divine good, in having charity. I’ll likely fail, but by God’s grace, I will persevere.

Sincerely,
David

Previous Post

September 2, 2016

The Atlantis Theory: The Numenorean Connection Between the Works of Lewis and Tolkien

Next Post

September 6, 2016 The Eucharist the Basis of Leisure: Some Reflections on Josef Pieper, Fr. Jacques Hamel, and C. S. Lewis

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category A Secular Age Advent Apologetics Atheism Beauty Being a Catholic Evangelical Being Catholic Being Deified: Poetry and Fantasy on the Path to God Blogging Book Reviews C. S. Lewis Catholic Imagination Catholic Social Teaching Catholicism Christmas Church Calendar Church Fathers Church Life Community Conferences Cosmology Creation Curdled Words Deification Distributism Easter Economics Education Epiphany Essay Extracts Eucharist Faerie Faeriean Metaphysics Fatherhood Films Folk Liturgy Food and Drink G. K. Chesterton Harry Potter J. R. R. Tolkien Jove King Arthur Language Lent Life Literature and Poetry Liturgy Medieval Theology Music My Publications Mythology On the Edges of Elfland Ordinary Time Ordination Parenthood Parish Patristic Theology Pentecost Politics Prayer Racism Radical Orthodoxy Restoration Movement Sacramental Ontology Saints Science Sex and Sexuality Sophiology Stories The Inklings The Radical Catholic Reimagination of Everything Theologians in the Church Theopoetics Thesis Research Uncategorized University of Nottingham What I'm Reading Writing

Select a Month December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 July 2012

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz