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Holiday Advice: Dealing with Your Crazy Evangelical Uncle

Holiday Advice: Dealing with Your Crazy Evangelical Uncle

Last updated on: November 25, 2015 at 4:33 pm by John Mark N. Reynolds

Holiday Advice: Dealing with Your Crazy Evangelical Uncle 2015-11-25T16:33:57-04:00 John Mark N. Reynolds

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Trouble?

Evidently giving advice about how to handle the stress of what the Victorians called “social intercourse” with those who do not agree is a thing now.

Despite a sneaking suspicion that the number of people actually worried about awkward conversations at dinner is roughly equal to the number of Evangelicals worried about the Starbuck’ red cup (that would be roughly 0% give or take a YouTube video), I shall help with a particularly dangerous sub-group: the white Evangelical middle aged Republican uncle.

As far as I can tell, my holiday experiences have been uniformly excellent, but maybe I am just deluded. Maybe my belief that my family has had fun is the product of my privilege.

I am an expert on dealing with this sub-group being white, evangelical, middle aged, and Republican. We default to the same tedious personality that Colbert grew rich lampooning . . . protected only by his hatred of Republicans not named Lincoln (and even Lincoln was unpleasantly imperfect).

Yet the holidays are upon us. You might spend them with more angst, anger, and unhappiness than usual . . . since nothing says freedom more than a life spiral into sorrow. If on the other hand, you must meet one of us socially, I shall give you five techniques to make your dinner with someone such as I am much more enjoyable.

Start with the moral high ground by pointing out my privilege.

Nothing opens a topic better than beginning with the assumption of either stupidity, ignorance, or evil on the part of the other person. Explain this carefully. Any defensiveness caused is denial and shows why you had to begin here.

In this way, you will never discover if I actually agree with you on many issues. There is nothing more disconcerting than discovering things the “other” says make sense. By all means, Google everything I say to look for errors of fact. If I make an error of fact, or a disputable claim, point out that you live in the reality based community.

Do not listen to anything I say because you know my opinions based on my religion, race, and age.

If I appear to agree with you, show any awareness of the other side of any issue, or disagree amiably, recall my existence in this culture is offensive. You can even find pity in this for me. It is not my fault I was born into this horrible culture.

Nothings says “Merry Christmas” like pity for my very existence. The good news is that due to the whole “do unto other things” we imbibe with our seasonal eggnog, we will assume you are practicing genuine charity.

Look for micro-aggression.

It will be there. Look hard. When you find it, note it. You will have blog topics for months as you wrestle with your reaction. Make sure your pain is visible to all and if someone apologizes, point out that the need to hear apologies is part of your pain.

Root for our dying out during conversation.

The combination of being a victim with the sense of being on the right side of history is awesome. If you doubt this, remember your frustration when American Christians pretend persecution and combine it with their assumption they will end at the end of history.

Forget that most of the world’s young adults don’t agree with you. Limit the world of “young people” to young people in former colonial powers and comfort yourself that people with my (alleged) valued are dying out.

If I try to avoid my values after you attack them, accuse me of ruining the family fun.

If I avoid attacking your values, accuse me of failing to support them by a passive aggressive attack through ignoring your values.

If I am simply jolly and miss your barbs, you will have found one more privilege of my class: jollity.

Let this post upset you ahead of time, during, and after the meal.

I get it. You will refuse to be silenced. For things to get better, you will have to speak truth to the provider of your turkey dinner or the vegan alternative we figured out how to make, because we love you.

And yet we will be happy . . .

Sadly, I am simply looking forward to Thanksgiving and the Holidays. I love family gatherings and look forward to them and always have. My parents and adult children seem to love them, too. Maybe it is the last unchallenged privilege in my life . . .this illusion we are having fun and can put our differences aside through love, but I doubt it.

The reality of jollification is hard to fake.

And now if I want to be like Jesus, I must try reading this post and applying it to self.

Do I tout my own righteousness at the start of the day to put my guests on the defensive?

Nothing says “Happy Holidays” like arguing that Christians are persecuted in America and that we are God’s chosen people. Combine a sense of entitlement with a sense of persecution and dominate the conversation! Or I could be like Jesus.

Do I assume the opinions of my guests based on their religion, race, or age?

If I use the term “the young people,” I am a bit of jerk. If I lump all Muslims in with ISIS (Daesh), then I am wrong and ignorant. If I ever think about a huge group of humans, “what do the x think?,” then I am playing the fool.

If Jesus could command me to love my enemy, then loving an Obama or Clinton voter is possible!

Do I look for micro-aggression?

Since I know “So-and-So” doesn’t agree with my deeply held values, am I waiting to be offended? Will I note the offense and use it to fuel my feelings of virtue?

Do I root for apocalypse during the conversation?

Nothing says “I love you” better than discussing the End of the Ages and implying that at least soon your dinner guest will be damned. Christians should witness to the Faith, but first with a good life.

I have shared my faith in many situations and it is perfectly possible that this would be appropriate (given the context), but often it is not. Don’t be like the multi-level marketing person who sells product in any circumstance. Sometimes love and true religion is being quiet and allowing your guests to be comfortable. Nobody should have to pay for their turkey by enduring my sermon.

Let this post upset you and go on upsetting you.

Love is not the key to Christianity, is it? Aren’t I called to be a fruit inspector . . . making sure the fruit of the lives of all my guests is good? I doubt it.

Perhaps, just perhaps, at a party I can show hospitality, the joy of the Lord, and like Jesus, eat with sinners. I know a party with just Jesus and me would have Jesus eating with sinners.

Off I go for jollification!

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