A Modest Proposal Concerning Pronouns

Last updated on: May 26, 2015 at 5:43 pm by John Mark N. Reynolds

A Modest Proposal Concerning Pronouns 2015-05-26T17:43:40-04:00 John Mark N. Reynolds

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Evidently, a privilege helping me along life’s way has been my access of the pronoun “he.” Like all such privileges, it has existed apart from my knowing the gains.

Pronouns

There are two approaches to take when one discover’s one’s undue privilege. One is to tax or otherwise burden the winner to equalize things for the loser. I do not think in our reactionary political climate that a Pronoun Tax would pass Congress. Like my bill for restitution to Appalachians (the Hillbilly Restitution Act of 2015) for the stereotyping we have endured, intersectionality of suffering is beyond the simple minds of our present representatives. Simply grasping the necessity of weighting the many unknown privileges and burdens one is born with will require executive action and a new agency of government.

Pronouns are a clear and present danger to our communication. We know this as Facebook has given us many options. These options, however, all fall short of cutting to the root of the problem. The use of “they” to refer to self makes one sound demon possessed. While those actually demon possessed may appreciate support and solidarity for their condition (long discriminated against in a cis-soul culture), this also may serve to silence the Legion who have already suffered enough.

The use of she/he/it is cumbersome and in juvenile hands leads to mocking acronyms. We have enough trouble body shaming perfectly natural functions without opening up even greater scope to those who would laugh about anything, even pronoun usage.

As for new pronouns such as “ze,” the problem here is obvious. Historical documents, television programming, and motion pictures have not used “ze.” While I would be open to a massive redubbing of all our documents (made possible by a bigger government with greater computing powers in congenial programs like Project Samaritan), this is again unlikely to happen soon. Ze would find ze’s self no place in ze-story. We would then have literary/canonical privilege multiplied beyond the pronoun burden now held.

The simplest solution would be for all of us to take the pronoun “she” out of solidarity with the abused pronoun and let every other pronoun go. This would, however, lead to the problem of those who took “she” voluntarily versus those who were given it at birth. To paraphrase the Bard, we do not wish to live in a society where some are born she, some gain she, and some have she thrust upon them.

And so I would propose banning all pronouns but the formerly masculine “he.” This would allow all historical documents to refer to everyone as they were intended in the privileging use of “he” as the neutral term. It would give access to the subliminal privilege of being referred to as “he” in written work, emails, Tweets, and other documents until the New Person has arisen cleansed of pronoun proclivities.

Yet. . . this too is problematic as I am a “he” born “he” and now am mansplaining pronouns and having opinions about the same. How then shall we live? We must ban all pronouns. Cease to use them. This can be done. Instead of referring to “he or she,” we must embrace the clarity of writing “any x where x is a person of any gender.”

This ban will (again) make historical documents hard to read, but in a different way. Ze would not find ze-self in the documents. The pronoun-less will simply see a different language where “the pronoun” is still used the way “f” used to figure for “s” in older English. We can start the work of translating now.

Here is the Constitution:

Take any person x, where x is a person and x resides in the United States: x can form a more perfect union, establish justice, and promote domestic tranquility . . .

Notice that after an initial clarification, x is shorter than any of the older pronouns. The hours x will save where x is a person who previously used pronouns and now eschews them will be vary great. Clarity, concision, and no privilege for anyone. . .

except perhaps the literate . . . a problem that is of even deeper concern.

Spiritual Reflections

Previous Post

May 25, 2015

Memorial Day and the Real World

Next Post

May 27, 2015 Celebrity Christianity Must Die

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Apologetics Art Culture Education On Books On Education Philosophy Politics Pop Culture Spiritual Reflections Uncategorized

Select a Month October 2026 September 2026 August 2026 July 2026 July 2025 June 2025 September 2024 July 2024 June 2024 December 2023 June 2023 September 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What does Revelation say about anyone who adds to the words of the prophecy?

Select your answer to see how you score.

They will lose their salvation They will be judged They will be cursed God will add to them the plagues described in this scroll

Books by This Author John Mark Reynolds

See All Titles »