Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Eating Peaches

Home
Catholic
Masturbation and Despair: A One Body Problem

Masturbation and Despair: A One Body Problem

Last updated on: August 11, 2016 at 12:38 am by Marina S. Brungardt

Masturbation and Despair: A One Body Problem 2016-08-11T00:38:15-07:00 Marina S. Brungardt

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

In the case of masturbation, however, the habit was often established long before a person had a chance to bring the full force of their rationality to bear in fighting the sin. I’ve talked to many people, men and women, about this, and most admit that they began long before they connected the activity to sex—often long before they even had any real idea that sex was an action (according to a quick search of a few websites with a “.edu” address, in both sexes, children discover this pleasure probably by accident and at an early age. It’s not sexual at that point, but it is habituated). As the child grows up and begins to associate that pleasurable action which Mom and Dad might have no idea about, it makes sense that when certain images or stories or imaginary thoughts also begin to bring pleasure to certain nerve endings, you end up with the perfect formula for an addicting, habitual action, before you fully realize the eternal ramifications of it.

So then the young person, suddenly considers “maybe I shouldn’t do this. Maybe it is bad,” and they try to stop masturbating. But, the thing is, the body part of human persons really digs the experiential side of masturbation brought to fruition, which includes the impact of a lot of neurochemical things like the release of oxytocin and prolactin, as well as endorphins as well as other physiological responses (tl/dr: it sends pleasure chemicals and hormones to your brain and makes you feel really good), at least according to a paper entitled the Neurobiology of sexual response in men and women and also Wikipedia. So suddenly, there is not just the shame of having sinned in this very bad way, but the shame compounds when this thing, that by now the person realizes is bad, continues to happen over and over again. The temptation for individuals who habitually masturbate is now not simply to masturbate, but to despair, because of their habitual sin, that they are beyond saving. That they are bad, because they cannot stop doing this thing they know is horrible, awful, and evil. And so, as in many areas of sexual sin, the action becomes conflated with the person who commits it.

This is the insidious nature of despair with habitual sins: it is not the first time, fifth time, or five hundredth time perhaps, but when you fall the five thousandth time? When you confess on yet another Saturday, fifteen years after you first began confessing masturbation, that’s when a small voice that sounds a lot like our own can whisper to to people “you’ll never get better. You’ll always fall. God can’t love someone as awful as you. You can’t be redeemed, not when you sin so much and so horribly and with ‘full knowledge.’”

It’s further complicated by the fact that the orgasm triggered by the masturbation can provide both relief and escapism, due to the explosion of hormones it triggers. It can help people handle anxiety and stress, because dopamine. It can help people handle boredom, because chemicals. It can help people handle loneliness because oxytocin and serotonin. The person doesn’t want to think this, wants to ignore this sin as everyone else does, and so they hide it, maybe with the help of other chemical enhancing agents, like alcohol. All of this is going to hide the actual problems: anxiety, depression, loneliness, other deep, internalized wounds that this supposedly fun thing acts as a panacea for. At least, for a time, if you can ignore the whole damnation thing.

Now, adding all the chemical and physiological and emotional factors on top of this habitual sin is takes the initial recipe for despair and exponentially compounds the impact. And in not a few cases, the internal despair becomes so deep that the individual may even leave the Church. Not because the Church damned them, but because they began to doubt it could save them, if it hadn’t yet. It’s the problem of evil on an extremely personal level: if God can simply save me, why hasn’t He done it yet, when I am so clearly in need of deliverance from this sin?

They begin to believe they must be too broken, that it’s practically impossible, and that they are horrible, terrible men and women because they can’t stop. The sin becomes too heavy to bear alone, much less with the scorn of many cast upon them, and so men and women find themselves crushed by their sin and unable to find a way out from under it. Because, gentlemen, lest you think you are alone here, masturbation is an equal opportunity sin. And despair hits all people like a bullet straight through the heart.

This is a lie. It feels true. You might even claim to “know” it is true. However, it is a lie. God loves you. God has not given up on you. God will not walk away from you, no matter if this is the last sin you confess with your last dying breath. You are not garbage. You are not a failure, though you may fail; you are not a failure for as long as you continue to pick yourself up and try one last time, and each day you face yet another last time. You are not unlovable. And you are not unloved.

So have hope. Sin and fall and confess and pray to never sin again as if your soul depends on it, because it does, regardless of the specifics of that sin. If masturbation is your cross, have recourse to the infused virtue of hope. Hope that God will save you, no matter how dark and hopeless it seems. If masturbation is not your particular cross, have mercy for those for whom it is. Turn to them in love, whether they are male or female, and imitate Simon of Cyrene, and be a true friend. Help those who struggle with this sin bear this cross with love and mercy and quiet confidence that confession is worth it, that the fight is worth returning to once more, that their soul is not damned, that God has not forsaken them, that God will save them so long as they continually turn to Him. Pray for them and fast for them when they lack the words and strength to do so on their own. Love them without condoning this action, so that they might understand they are not reducible to their sins, and more importantly, so that they might remember, or begin to believe again, that God loves them.

To my brothers and sisters who feel as if they are unable to love God, as if their sins are proof that He has abandoned them, as if they are without hope, have recourse to our Mother Mary, because when the world looked most hopeless and most abandoned by God, God called her to hope in what sounded and appeared impossible, to have faith in His promise, and to love Him and her fellow man. And in her profound fiat, the model for all acts of faith, hope, and love, God revealed the nature of love to all mankind. It is not about whether you love God enough, though try with all your strength, soul, heart, and mind to love Him more each day. But when you do that, remember this profound truth, and let it call you to the virtue of theological hope that God will save you so long as you continue to ask it of Him:

In this is love: not that we have loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as expiation for our sins.

If you want to know how much God loves you, check masstimes.org and see when and where you can find the Sacraments of Reconciliation and Eucharist, as well as Eucharistic Adoration near you.

Photo Credit: Danny Howe via https://www.pexels.com/

Go back

Body Problems

Love and Marriage and Other Responsibilities

Previous Post

August 1, 2016

Stories that Shape Us: Remembering Our Past and Our Communities

Next Post

August 10, 2016 Modesty: More Than A "Your Body" Problem

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Body Problems Fatherhood Feast Day Friendship Grace Building on Nature Holy Days and Liturgy Living Life in Christ Love and Marriage and Other Responsibilities Mary Motherhood Philosophic Wanderings Podcasts Reality of Things Saint of the Day The Beautiful The Good The Habit of Being In The Polis The Reality Superelevating Things The True Transcendentals Transcendentals Trinity Uncategorized Virtue

Select a Month December 2018 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

How many times did Peter deny Jesus?

Select your answer to see how you score.

4 2 5 3