When Perfect Parenting Tips Go Awry

Last updated on: January 12, 2018 at 2:26 pm by Kim Parker, LCSW

When Perfect Parenting Tips Go Awry 2018-01-12T14:26:00+00:00 Kim Parker, LCSW

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Earlier this week, I saw a posting of a flyer shared by several mommy friends on my Facebook feed. It seemed like exactly what I had been trying to do– implement some order and structure in our chaotic household while teaching kids responsibility. What’s a wise parent to do but apply it to her family? So, I immediately added my “like” to the 23K likes on that posting (it also had 126K shares), and even printed it out (see exhibit #1). awry1

As soon as my eight-year-old son got home from school, I greeted him with “a surprise” at the printer. He seemed excited to go grab the printout for me. These were my mistakes number 1 and 2. First, looking back, I shouldn’t have greeted him from school with something that he might not like– a list of rules and behavior expectations. Secondly, I was silly and unwise to lighten up the situation by casting it sarcastically as a nice surprise for him, as he was completely unsuspecting.

Still, I thought so highly of this poster (probably created by a fellow like-minded, awesome mom) that I was carried away with youthful glee, losing all semblance of wit or tact. Instead of putting 2 and 2 together, I inadvertently set up my passionate-natured young boy for a grand fall. After a few silent minutes, a loud wailing could be heard from upstairs as he cried tears of injustice!

My husband, who had come home early that day, was caught off guard with the loud wails and asked J what was going on? J came down clutching the flyer waving it around mid air while complaining of the utter cruelty! My third mistake occurred as he came downstairs screaming, “Where’s mom?” What’s a strong, smart mother to do? Hide, because she cannot be seen laughing so hard that tears fell from her own eyes. It was truly a funny moment as I realized the irony of it all– my son was grieving over the gross cruelty of being told that he had to do tasks #1-6 before enjoying any time on electronic gadgets. He reacted to the flyer like it was a death sentence while I immediately thought, “Super! Spot on, great idea–fellow mom!” and “Why didn’t I think of it myself?!”

When I explained to my confused husband why I was chuckling incessantly while our poor child was weeping with anguish, he wittingly responded with a smile, “Well, at least we know he can read well!” To our son, my husband tried to cheer him with, “J, it’s not a school holiday!” Passionate J, upon taking note of my amusement proceeded to rip the paper up (see exhibit #2). This immediately stopped me in my tracks as I switched to serious discipline mode. awry2

After an hour or so of cool down time that included some bonding activities, I proclaimed to J that it was another mom’s idea (blame it on someone else!) and explained all the good points, but I did own up to my mistake of not preparing him well. Also, I taught my son that what he did, in other settings could be called “property destruction” and “vandalism.” After all, never waste a teaching moment, right? Let’s turn lemons into lemonade. I did not want J’s passions to go untempered because I have seen first-hand what happens to kids who have not been guided appropriately—they become adults with poor self control, anger problems, and self destructive behaviors. J was then requested to repair his act or face serious consequences. It took a few minutes of back and forth, and a few more tears as he cried that his repair work looked terrible, but I assured him that it was going to be better than doing nothing about it (see exhibit #3). awry3
Take home disclaimers: 1) Before you implement anything from the internet, know that it’s harder than it looks. 2) Parents, only try this with careful discretion. 3) May not work for all kids, depending on their tempers and personalities— you know your kids best so use your judgment.

Anything else I missed, my fellow, awesome Moms?! Please do tell…

Photo credit: FB WeightedBlessings page

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