Asian American Moms

Last updated on: January 12, 2018 at 2:26 pm by Kim Parker, LCSW

Asian American Moms 2018-01-12T14:26:02+00:00 Kim Parker, LCSW

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This is my first blog written for Asian Americans moms. Who are we and how are we different from other American moms? We are a diverse group. Even though there are distinct differences, for the purpose of this blog, I will not differentiate between the diverse countries of origins (Thailand, Philippines, China, Vietnam, etc…). I also do not believe in meaningless, superficial classifications of people such as superior or inferior, good or bad, but just what is. Demographically, we differ by acculturation level, educational level, religious affiliation, and also by social circles. For example, there’s immigrant with accent vs American born or American raised, those with college/graduate degree vs no college degrees, those who married a nonAsian/nonimmigrant vs married immigrant/Asian, and Christians vs Other (Buddhist/agnostic/atheist).

Given these four variables, we can have technically a combination of 24 types of Asian Americans. The United States is truly not a melting pot but a salad bowl of diverse people. Personally, I came to America at age 6, and being fluent in English has lead others to mistake me for being American born-same difference. Raised in a Buddhist/agnostic household, I became a Christian in college. I went on to obtain a masters degree in social work, and married a White Christian male. Social workers might categorize him as a WASP, though neither he nor his family come from fortune or power. We live in the South, so the majority here identify as Christians.

My friends are a good eclectic mix–much like the clients I serve in my counseling private practice. Roughly half are Caucasian Christians, followed by a big mix of Asians, Latinos, and Blacks. My Black American friends are all native born, primarily Christian, mostly college educated like me with a few exceptions. My Hispanic friends are working or middle class acculturated Americans from either first or second generation like me. Most of my Asian friends are college educated, half are not Christians, and all are working/middle class like me. I also have a few friends who are more recent immigrants who socialize in more ethnic circles.

Some people might describe me as “white washed” or very westernized. It looks as if on all four scales, I have integrated or assimilated completely into the traditionally dominant White majority of my adopted country -America. So be it. Did I purposefully plan it that way? I’m sure that there were some subconscious survival/desire to thrive mechanism at play, much in the same way that the adopted child might end up blending in and taking on the identity of her adoptive family. I’m not better or worse than any of my Asian compatriots in other categories. I’m not ashamed of my Asian heritage, nor do I shun it. I’m already biracial (Chinese and Vietnamese) so now my husband and I are raising tri-racial kids in the diverse middle class South. How we parent is greatly influenced by where I fall in the above four demographic categories. My social work background has also helped me gain a nonthreatening awareness of differences in people and to appreciate them.

I have to admit that for the first forty years of my life, I was very uninterested in identifying as different, as Asian or Ethnic, or even celebrating my cultural heritage. The chips just fell where they fell, and I felt as if I was just going with the flow of middle class American society–quietly thinking and learning, not wanting to make any waves by standing out as different. However, my Black social work colleagues helped me to see that I was a “person of color” whether or not I was aware of it. Two of them told me something I had never heard before: “You are Asian, just right below the Whites” and one friend added, “The Browns and Blacks are tussling over each other to keep from being the bottom.” Honestly, I had never seen myself as a number, a category, or a stereotype. Nor have I seen ethnic hierarchy spelled out so directly. But these conversations opened my eyes to see that though I don’t see people in group subtypes but the content of their character, maybe it’s because I have “yellow privilege?” At least that’s the accusation coming from nonAsians who don’t see themselves as having any privilege.

One social worker, an 80 year old Black woman and former college professor, even encouraged me to write a book about how I parent coming from an Asian background. So I came home and had many conversations with myself and my White other half about how ethnic and cultural factors may have played a role in our parenting. With this writing project came a new awareness of who I was, where I’ve been, and what my current message is. I would like to break down this idea of yellow privilege, and hope that my story helps further the dialogue on social identity, race relations, social justice issues, and sound parenting practice.

What about you? Where do you fall in these 24 categories of demographics? Is it helpful to identify what is? How does your Asian subtype influence your parenting style?

-Kim

Some Asian American mom bloggers: Hapamama.com and Biculturalmama.com

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