Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Christian Podcast Central

Home
Evangelical - Sponsored
Blending Your StepFamily 51: Relational Capital

Blending Your StepFamily 51: Relational Capital

Last updated on: February 24, 2016 at 4:12 am by Christian Podcast Central

Blending Your StepFamily 51: Relational Capital 2016-02-24T04:12:32-08:00 Christian Podcast Central

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Blending Your StepFamily 51: Relational Capital Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

From Pam Rohr, author of Blended but not Broken – Hope and Encouragement for Blended Families:

In one of our blended family classes, we had a couple join us half way through the 10-class sessions. So they had not begun the classes with the rest of the members. We asked them to tell a little about themselves so that we along with the rest of the class could get to know them a bit. They were a blended family – they had one son from his previous marriage who lived with them full time. The boy’s birth mom was not in the picture. They had been married close to two years. The wife did most of the talking and soon was telling a story about how she makes their son mind her. Just last night she told their son a lie to get him to obey. She had no qualms at all telling the whole class that she lies to her stepson to get him to obey her. She told the child the night before “if you don’t clean your room, Mommy will call the cops and they will come and take you away. They’ll take you to where all the bad boys go”. This was an eight year old child. We were hoping she was kidding but she wasn’t, this was what she said she did to make him mind her and her husband just sat there quietly. I think he was glad to have a wife to deal with the child so he wouldn’t have to.

When we confronted her about her method asking her if she saw anything wrong with lying to him, she admitted she probably shouldn’t. Along with teaching him to lie, she is producing fear in the boy. Because she told it to the whole class and because everyone thought this was wrong, we felt we needed to address it right then. We did not know the woman very well so we had little relational capital. Relational capital is built on mutual trust from the experiences shared together through relationship.

We tried to help her see there are much better ways to make your child obey rather than lying to them and developing fear. But she didn’t know us well and relational capital hadn’t been built so she didn’t want to hear it from us or anyone else in the class as it turned into quite a discussion. Even though she agreed it was wrong, she didn’t want to change and I’m sure she still manipulates her son. She never came back to the class even though I called her several times to invite her back.

Relational capital is built; it is mutual trust and respect from experiences shared together over time. This is particularly important to understand in blended families. While trying to blend two families, being aware of this principle is important so that relationships can build more quickly and have a better foundation. The relational capital you have with your own kids will probably be quite strong while building capital with your step kids will probably take some time and much of it depends on the step child’s age and whether they even want a relationship with you.

How do you think the relational capital was between this woman and her stepson? She may have succeeded in making him mind her that way while he was young, but as he grows and realizes what she was doing, there will be little trust there. There could even be a lot of anger not just towards his step mom but towards his dad for allowing it.

Just another reason why it’s important to let the birth parent discipline and handle the really hard stuff while you support your spouse and build a relationship with their child. A birth parent should never lie to their child this way to make them mind let alone a step parent.

Andy and I have always been close. Since he was a young boy we always just liked each other. We enjoyed being together and built a strong relationship. He is grown now but we still have strong relational capital. We can speak honestly to each other and know the relationship will remain intact. He unfortunately got involved with drugs for a time. Due to our relationship, I was able to speak truth to him and help him remember who he truly is: a child of God. Not that God would love him any less for getting in bondage to drugs, but that life isn’t best for him. So we were able to freely discuss how he got to that point and where he wanted to go. We made a plan together. He chose freedom rather than bondage to something that will suck the very life out of him. It took some time but through our relationship, through being honest and looking at past wounds and with the help of my coaching tools, he renewed his commitment to Christ and he was set free. God’s freedom is always best and He will use people to help us out of the messes we make or others make for ourselves. That’s relationship.

Coaches and clients can build relational capital quite quickly due to the nature of the relationship. Good coaches will create an atmosphere of respect and confidentiality so that clients can feel from the start that they have a very safe place to share their deepest needs, fears, ambitions or trauma from the past. Transparency is key and good coaches model it.

Build the foundation of good relationships in your blended family and when the hard stuff comes up, and it will, you will have the relational capital to deal with it.

If you need a coach to come alongside of you for a time, I would love to hear from you at nouveaulifecoaching.com

Also, my book Blended But Not Broken is available at Amazon in either book form or Kindle.

For more encouraging and engaging podcasts and videos, visit the E-Squared Media Network at www.e2medianetwork.com.

Uncategorized

blended families

christian

christian culture podcast

christian family relationship podcast

christian relationship advice

christian relationship podcast

how to communicate with your spouse

Previous Post

February 16, 2015

An Examined Life with Jeff Allen 25: Golf, Guffaws & God with Phil Glasgow

Next Post

February 18, 2015 I Don’t Have Enough Faith To Be An Atheist, part 6 with Frank Turek

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Brad Stine Has Issues Christian Podcast Central Classic Podcast Experience God Life Grounded Ouxano Parent Like You Mean It The Protest Show with Thor Ramsey The Summit Lecture Series Uncategorized What You’ve Been Searching For

Select a Month July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 June 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz