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Real Stuff My Dad Says 61: The True Secret to Parenting Well!

Real Stuff My Dad Says 61: The True Secret to Parenting Well!

Last updated on: February 23, 2016 at 4:49 am by Christian Podcast Central

Real Stuff My Dad Says 61: The True Secret to Parenting Well! 2016-02-23T04:49:31-08:00 Christian Podcast Central

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Real Stuff My Dad Says 61: The True Secret to Parenting Well! Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

I have the pleasure to be joined by my father-in-law, Bob Erickson. And, as we discuss “Real Stuff My Father-In-Law Says”, we look at Bob’s secret to parenting well.

We’ve all seen or heard the age-old scene of a parent telling a boy, “So long as you live under my roof, you’re going to live by my rules!” So, the boy responds by wrapping up his belongings into a bandana, tying the bandana to the end of a stick, grabbing his teddy bear and heading out into the great big world, tired of living under his parents roof and under their rules.

So, what’s the secret to keeping your kids safe, secure, and flourishing under your roof without the desire to run away, fill a void in their heart, or live outside of Mom and Dad’s rules?

Some dads work hard to provide for their family and view that as the extent of the role of showing their kids that they love them. Others go overboard in coaching their kids’ teams to the point of it’s the team or athletic excellence that takes priority over the actual child. It’s easy to see parenting systems that don’t work, but much more difficult to write the perfect prescription on what does work when it comes to parenting.

According to my father-in-law, it’s not what he and his wife DID so much as who they were, as parents. Bob and Teresa’s love for their kids never hinged on the kids doing (or not doing) anything (good grades, athletic accomplishments, etc.); but instead was unconditional- even through failures as much as through successes. Character – who they were – was always much more valued than any achievements.

Their value comes from who God created them to be.

But, is it realistic to value each of your kids in such a unique way that they are perpetually feeling loved and cherished?

Well, when we change our perspective to one of: My role as a dad is to appropriately guide and direct my kids, as well as making sure that each of them are secure in my love for them”, then it is realistic.

In other words, my kids should always know that in any circumstance, they can flee to me. My love, pride and acceptance of them will always be unwavering no matter if they fail or succeed in life.

You see, when you love them in such a way that they never have to go out in search for love and acceptance from someone else, then the odds are greatly decreased that they will find themselves in regrettable situations in their pursuit to fill that void in their heart.

If they live without fear of retribution or condemnation, they’ll feel freer to go after their heart’s goals and risk failure when they know that their home is a safe house. Because their father’s pride doesn’t come as a result of their success or failure, but is rooted in their character.

This doesn’t mean that a successful parent does not discipline their children. But, all discipline needs to be geared toward developing their character. And even while the discipline is taking place, it’s important that the kids feel that they are still loved, liked and wholly accepted for who they are.

We all – even our children – have a need to be loved, valued and even sheltered at times. The question becomes, “Where will your kids find this love, attention and sense of belonging? Will it be from their parents or from someone else?” Because eventually, they will go running in search of it if these needs are not fulfilled at home.

When they know that they can find that love, value and acceptance at home – when they know that their character is valued as the utmost priority – then their decisions tend to reflect an appreciation of that trust and respect that you give them.

All of this pertains to your kids no matter if they are boys or girls or toddlers or teenagers – no matter who they are or how old they are, they need their parent’s love, respect, acceptance and guidance.

But, how do we love each of our children individually, so that they don’t have to go running around looking for love?

It’s not easy, but its complexity doesn’t need to be an obstacle.

Especially fathers of little girls. When your little princesses begin to develop, it seems too awkward to continue the father/daughter bond that you may have had when your daughter was five-years-old. But in reality, the teenage years is when your daughters need their dads actively in their lives more than ever: as a rudder through the storms of life, as an example of what they should look for in the man they marry, or even as a conduit to their mom as their relationships reach new strains.

And when raising boys, it’s vital that you develop their character while establishing trust at the same time. Hold fast to principles such as honor, honesty, truth, commitment, etc. But, hold very loosely to “being the best baseball player”, “run a faster mile”, “get the better grades”, and so on.

Another key is to show your love and appreciation for your kids at all times, throughout the context of life. Acknowledge – OUT LOUD – how you view them in the context of their life experiences (activities at school, relationships with friends, sports, etc.)

This attitude toward parenting, coupled with speaking their individual love language (words of affirmation, receiving gifts, acts of service, quality time and physical touch), as well as recognizing what each child’s unique characteristics are will pay off tremendous dividends!!

You see, the key to effective parenting isn’t that you go out on a date night every two weeks with each child, nor is it about the “do’s and don’ts” that you fence around your kids, but rather your own self-control and how you relate to each one of them within the context of life. It’s challenging, but the attitude and individual value that you continually express to each of them will greatly affect how they grow and develop into men and women.

Lastly, it is never too early nor too late to begin to relate, understand and express your love and value for your children – so start today!

For more encouraging and engaging podcasts and videos visit the E-Squared Media Network at www.e2medianetwork.com

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