She’s Not My Adopted Daughter. She’s My Daughter.

Last updated on: July 5, 2018 at 6:00 am by Dr. Laurel Shaler

She’s Not My Adopted Daughter. She’s My Daughter. 2018-07-01T14:16:23-04:00 Dr. Laurel Shaler

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My child isn’t my adopted daughter. She’s my daughter. Adoption is just one part of her story. It’s a vital part of her story, but there is and will be so much more about her than just how she became my daughter. There will be times when it will be important for her to identify as an adopted child – much like there are various times for us to identify based on various attributes such as race and culture. I hope she is an advocate for children that have been adopted, and an encouragement for others to adopt. Sharing her story may aid in this advocacy. Yet, I hope it is not always pointed out by others that she is adopted.

The same goes for all adopted children.

In pointing out a child’s adoption status, it’s as if to say the child is not a legitimate part of the family. There are many reasons that people point out a child is adopted. Some that come to mind in various situations include:

~making it clear that a single mom did not have children outside of marriage

~answering the question before it’s asked about why the child does not look like the parents

~addressing the issue of a young parent having an older child

What’s sad is that the motivation for this is often to simply avoid questions…or possibly embarrassment.

No, my daughter did not have a child as a teen or outside of marriage.

No, my son is not divorced.

No, my daughter does not have step-children.

No, my son did not have an affair.

You may be trying to anticipate what will be thought or asked. Maybe even trying to avoid judgment on yourself or a loved one. You may even have pride in that loved one for adopting! Where there’s nothing wrong with that last one, please leave the revealing information to the parent. Instead of being so concerned about what others might think, be concerned about what God thinks. Clearly, adoption is near and dear to His heart – and it should be to our hearts as well.

My husband and I do not hide the fact that our daughter was adopted. Yet, we also do not use the term every time we discuss our daughter. Because she is not our “adopted daughter.” She is simply our daughter.

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