“Adopted” Isn’t An Insult

Last updated on: July 1, 2018 at 2:02 pm by Dr. Laurel Shaler

“Adopted” Isn’t An Insult 2018-07-01T14:02:19-04:00 Dr. Laurel Shaler

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Adoption is a place where joy and sorrow meet. While it is never born from perfect circumstances, and has its challenges, it is still beautiful and worthwhile. Becoming a mother through adoption has been life changing. Throughout the journey, I have learned a great deal about the language of adoption, and have tried to pass the newfound information along.

My awareness has increased dramatically, which is why my antenna went up when a friend shared that one of her children told everyone at school that her other child was adopted. The child was, in fact, not adopted. To most, a simple and silly way to tease a sibling. To me? It was hurtful – as if calling someone adopted is an insult.

Sadly, this is common place in our society. Many still talk about adoption in whispers, acting as if it should remain secretive. Even having just adopted in 2017, more than one person suggested we not tell our daughter that she is adopted. But of course we will tell her. We will celebrate the life her birth mother chose to give her, and we will rejoice in the way God turned ashes into beauty. We will also help our daughter – and, prayerfully, others – see how adoption reflects our relationship with our Heavenly Father.

When we accept Jesus as Savior, we are adopted by God as His children. When we make adoption out to be a bad word or an insult, we are minimizing the powerful significance of adoption. Not only that, but children that have been adopted are subjected to having a part of their life experience being used as a tool to hurt someone. It’s important that we use these situations as opportunities to learn about the power of language in adoption.

Thankfully, my family is surrounded by many supportive folks who have been impacted by adoption. We are also blessed to be a part of a family, community, and church that loves us, and rejoices alongside us in the adoption of our daughter. If you are an adoptive family, surround yourself with a support network. If you are not an adoptive family, find one to support. The impact of adoption does not end when the judge declares “it is so ordered.” We all need to be in this adoption journey together. It helps when we remember ourselves as being adopted children of our Heavenly Father regardless of our status with our earthly families. Because adoption is valuable to God, it should be valuable to us. This doesn’t mean everything in our lives focuses on adoption (more on that in my next blog), but it does mean we adoption out to be a sacred aspect of our lives. Indeed, we should work to bolster up adoption, rather than act as if it’s an insult.

Be sure to read the next blog titled, “My Child Isn’t My Adopted Daughter. She’s My Daughter.”

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