Social Media and Loneliness

Last updated on: April 18, 2018 at 9:11 am by Dr. Laurel Shaler

Social Media and Loneliness 2018-04-18T09:11:27-04:00 Dr. Laurel Shaler

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Like many people, there have been numerous times in my life when I have felt lonely. Two scenarios instantly come to mind: when I left for college and when my husband and I spent over half a year away from home.

I still have the photo my parents took right before we headed out of town for them to drop me off at college. I was wearing a yellow tank top, and standing next to my mama’s station wagon (the kind with the wooden panels and the seats in the very back that folded up to face each other.) I was excited to start a new chapter in my life, and since I wasn’t going too far from home, I wasn’t all that nervous. After checking in at school, I was placed in the farthest dorm on the small campus, in the room on the very end. My roommate (a friend to this day) and suitemates had all gone to the same high school, but I didn’t know anyone in the entire building.

I did have some friends and a part time job, but I didn’t have a car and most people on this small campus went home on the weekends. I went home some too. But when I didn’t get home or when my roommate was gone, it was just me, myself, and I. I spent a lot of time alone in my room. I am sure I studied because I passed some courses, but what I remember most is feeling lonely and wanting to transfer schools.

No social media. No texting. And I had to wait until after 9 pm to make free calls because I didn’t want to use those precious limited minutes during the day. There was email, but internet was much slower than it is now. I had a goldfish but I fed her too much, and kept her on top of the microwave, so she died. All too often, I was all alone.

Fast forward over a decade later, and my husband and I spent about 7 months living in a one bedroom apartment with uncomfortable rented furniture while he went through a training program. We were keeping our house because we weren’t sure where the company was going to send us after he finished up this assignment. Once again, I stayed pretty active – using the gym or pool, walking to the nearby outdoor shopping mall (lifesaver since we only had one car with us), or watching ION television (one of the only channels we had).

In this second scenario, social media was *everywhere.*And you could reach people instantly through texting. I did both – plenty. Facebook was my friend. Yet, I still felt lonely. I missed my home, family, church, and community. I missed my people. Again.

This tells me that real live, face to face relationships are important. Critically important. Being instantly connected to people through text messaging, twitter, Facebook, snapchat, or the next big social media sensation doesn’t prevent loneliness. Don’t misunderstand me, they can serve a good purpose. It’s nice to send my husband texts messages asking him to pick something up from the store or a friend asking if I want to meet for a manicure. And social media is helpful to pass along prayer requests and pictures. Most of all, these outlets allow us to stay connected to people from all over the country and the world. I love staying in touch with friends that I’ve met from many different times and places. Some I may never see again this side of heaven. This form of communication is a blessing!

But nothing replaces real conversations. It doesn’t replace hugs and handshakes. It doesn’t make up for looking each other in the eye. And it certainly doesn’t take the place of that homemade meal (or ice cream) a friend brings you when you’re sick or had a baby or experienced a loss. We need each other. And there are times when it needs to be face-to-face. So, who do you have to walk alongside you? Who is your go to person? Spend time cultivating those real life relationships, and don’t allow the internet ones to supplant them. Proverbs 27:17 says that iron sharpens iron, and that doesn’t happen unless the two knives are right next to each other.

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