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Amazingly Profound Quotes from Calvin and Hobbes

Amazingly Profound Quotes from Calvin and Hobbes

Last updated on: January 5, 2013 at 11:31 pm by Desh Kapoor

Amazingly Profound Quotes from Calvin and Hobbes 2013-01-05T23:31:15-06:00 Desh Kapoor

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Calvin: Isn’t it strange that evolution would give us a sense of humour? When you think about it, it’s weird that we have a physiological response to absurdity. We laugh at nonsense. We like it. We think it’s funny. Don’t you think it’s odd that we appreciate absurdity? Why would we develop that way? How does it benefit us?

Hobbes: I suppose if we couldn’t laugh at things that don’t make sense, we couldn’t react to a lot of life.
Calvin: (after a long pause) I can’t tell if that’s funny or really scary

Calvin: As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever. You’ve taught me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations.

Calvin: If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night, I’ll bet they’d live a lot differently.
Hobbes: How So?
Calvin: Well, when you look into infinity, you realize that there are more important things than what people do all day.
Hobbes: We spent our entire day looking under rocks in the creek.
Calvin: I mean OTHER people

Calvin: “Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in
the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.”

Calvin: “When a kid grows up, he has to be something. He can’t just stay
the way he is. But a tiger grows up and stays a tiger why is that?”
Hobbes: “No room for improvement.”
Calvin: “Of all the luck, my parents had to be humans.”
Hobbes: “Don’t take it too hard. Humans provide some very important protein.”

Calvin: “Today for show and tell I ‘ve brought a tiny marvel of nature: a
single snowflake. I think we might all learn a lesson from how this utterly
unique and exquisite crystal.. ..turns into an ordinary boring molecule of
water just like every other one when you bring it in the classroom. And now.
While the analogy sinks in. I’ll be leaving you drips and going outside.”

Calvin: “It’s hard to be religious when certain people are never
incinerated by bolts of lightning.”

Calvin: “Why waste time learning, when ignorance
is instantaneous?”

Calvin: “You can’t just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have
to be in the right mood.”
Hobbes: “What mood is that?”
Calvin: “Last-minute panic.”

Mrs. Wormwood: “What state do you live in?”
Calvin: “Denial.”

Hobbes: Look, it says you have to be eighteen to buy cigarettes.
Calvin: EIGHTEEN?!? By then I’ll know better!

Calvin: In my opinion, we don’t devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.

Hobbes: So the secret to good self-esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they’re already met?
Calvin: Right. We should take pride in our mediocrity.
Hobbes: Remind me to invest overseas.

Calvin: Do you believe in the Devil? You know, a supreme evil being dedicated to the temptation, corruption, and destruction of man?
Hobbes: I’m not sure man needs the help.
Calvin: You just can’t talk to animals about these things.

Calvin: (During a test.) As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever. You’ve taught me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations.

Calvin: Isn’t it strange that evolution would give us a sense of humor? When you think about it, it’s weird that we have a physiological response to absurdity. We laugh at nonsense. We like it. We think it’s funny. Don’t you think it’s odd that we appreciate absurdity? Why would we develop that way? How does it benefit us?
Hobbes: I suppose if we couldn’t laugh at things that don’t make sense, we couldn’t react to a lot of life.
Calvin: (after a long pause) I can’t tell if that’s funny or really scary.

Calvin: [I pray for] The strength to change what I can, the inability to accept what I can’t, and the incapacity to tell the difference.

Calvin: Today at school, I tried to decide whether to cheat on my test or not. I
wondered, is it better to do the right thing and fail…or is it better to do the wrong thing and succeed? On the one hand, undeserved success gives no satisfaction…but on the other hand, well-deserved failure gives no satisfaction either. Of course, most everybody cheats some time or other. People always bend the rules if they think they can get away with it. Then again, that doesn’t justify mycheating. Then I thought, look, cheating on one little test isn’t such a big deal. It doesn’t hurt anyone. But then I wondered if I was just rationalizing my unwillingness to accept the consequence of not studying. Still, in the real world, people care about success, not principles. Then again, maybe that’s why the world is such a mess. What a dilemma!
Hobbes: So what did you decide?
Calvin: Nothing. I ran out of time and I had to turn in a blank paper.
Hobbes: Anymore, simply acknowledging the issue is a moral victory.
Calvin: Well, it just seemed wrong to cheat on an ethics test.

Calvin: [to Moe, the bully] Your simian countenance suggests a heritage unusually rich in species diversity.
Moe: …What?
Calvin: [handing over his milk money] Here. That was worth 25 cents.

Calvin (writing, after being asked to explain Newton’s First Law of Motion “in his own words”): Yakka foob mog. Grug pubbawup zink wattoom gazork. Chumble spuzz. (speaking) I love loopholes.

Calvin: Sometimes when I’m talking, my words can’t keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we can think faster than we speak?.
Hobbes: Probably so we can think twice.

Calvin: Trick or treat!
Adult: Where’s your costume? What are you supposed to be?
Calvin: I’m yet another resource-consuming kid in an overpopulated planet, raised to an alarming extent by Madison Avenue and Hollywood, poised with my cynical and alienated peers to take over the world when you’re old and weak. [Next panel, walking away eating candy] Am I scary, or what?

Hobbes: How come we play war and not peace?
Calvin: Too few role models.
Calvin: I’ll be the fearless American defender of liberty and democracy… and you can be the loathsome godless communist oppressor. We’re at war, so if you get hit with a dart, you’re dead and the other side wins, OK?
Hobbes: Gotcha.
Calvin: GO! (WAP-WAP they shoot each other simultaneously) Kind of a stupid game,isn’t it?

Calvin: I like maxims that don’t encourage behavior modification.

Calvin: As far as I’m concerned, if something is so complicated that you can’t explain it in 10 seconds, then it’s probably not worth knowing anyway.

Calvin: History is the fiction we invent to persuade ourselves that events are knowable and that life has order and direction. That’s why events are always reinterpreted when values change. We need new versions of history to allow for our current prejudices.

Calvin’s dad: Being a parent is wanting to hug and strangle your kid at the same time.

Calvin: Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.

Calvin: Things are never quite as scary when you’ve got a best friend.

Calvin: There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want.

Humour

Calvin & Hobbes

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