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I want a state, dude!

I want a state, dude!

Last updated on: December 11, 2009 at 9:37 pm by Desh Kapoor

I want a state, dude! 2009-12-11T21:37:40-06:00 Desh Kapoor

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

I have a friend who is heavily into parties. Like to get invited to all the cool parties where he can get some free booze and dance and get to enjoy and then looks for the next one in the city. This time I went to meet him he was a bit down.. didn’t understand why a guy who is always “living it up” and on a high would be in such a state??

And that is probably why his state confused me a bit.

So I asked if I could help him get something to help matters, he said without blinking of an eye “Yeah I want something”

‘What?” At least I could help him now that we had established what was responsible for his state>

“An Indian State”.

Huh.. “WHAT?!!” I asked.

“A State of my own! Hey don’t you know? These days its the hottest thing around! Every one seems to be getting one of that!”

He obviously saw me completely blank faced so he promptly continued.

“Look all you need is to go on a little diet.. nothing much. I have been playing this game against some online friends for days now and having pizza as my breakfast, lunch and dinner, so its time for some serious fat cutting! And while doing so, i thought might as well pick up something for doing that.. eh! Aint that cool???”

I tried to recover my self from this unexpected onslaught and asked “What do you exactly mean?”

“Ok, look, in India there is this place where Hyderabad is.. which was until a few years doing really well and everyone was talking about, until some new dude came in and took it off the air. Now there is another guy, who didn’t get any invites to the parties that these bigger folks were going to. And guess what? This loser loves to drink! So, he wants to get to the parties too.. who doesn’t like free booze.. huh!?”

“Which dude are you talking about? The loser?”

‘He has a long name. Heck, just look at his name and you would know he is a loser. If you wanna get to one of those cool parties.. get a shorter name! His name would just by itself make the email a 3MB thingy. Who would get him on the lists man??!”

“Aah ok”

“So, now this loser he wants a new state of his own. So he can throw his own parties.”

“But how does he get the money for those parties?” I asked innocently.

“Do you think the other guy – the big party dude – throws parties on his own money?? Naah, he runs a special fund where he can dip into.”

“Special fund? What fund are you talking about???!” I was getting left behind in this blitzkrieg of a story!

“Its called a Party fund. Since these guys like to think they are doing things for the country.. they give it some fancy names.. like Poverty Fund or whatever. But its basically the same thing. You rule… you get to own stuff .. and you blow it up! Its all about who gets the free booze!”

“But if there is money to be spent someone must be paying for it.” I inquired.

“Yeah.. they have a lot of sponsors!”

“Whoa!”, I said “..thats a great business model! Get someone to sponsor your free booze parties!! Who sponsors such stuff?”

“Well, there are a lot of them.. can’t name all.. but in one word, they are called Taxpayers. These idiots sponsor these parties which they are never invited to!” he chuckled.

“Taxpayers? How so?”

“Well what do you know.. that’s who pays the money to these partying dudes so that they can have fun.”

“But as far as I know, Taxpayers pay taxes so people can build infrastructure for the nation”.

“Like I eat Pizza for my 6 pack abs?”

“Which Six Pack Abs do you have”.

“Exactly!”.. he burst out laughing!

“You don’t get it Desh! Its not just him, there is another bitch up there in the country.. now she wants three states.. one each for her friends.”

“Oh you mean Mayawati? But how do you know she wants for her friends?”

“you mean she doesn’t have any friends?” he snapped.

“No, not that, but how do you know its for her friends and not for herself?”

“Well for herself, she already has one state and has been building her own parks to play in and instead of putting up a Name sign, she puts her statues in it…. just in case no one gets it when she is there”

“People know who Mayawati is” I said.

“Yeah Yeah Yeah.. with makeup even my maid looks like Marilyn Monroe. If she goes out and is sitting in her park.. someone should be able to know who she is by looking at her statue. Dude she is really ugly.. my dog would be offended if I sent him out on date with her!” he said with a grin.

“I agree on that one!”

“And there is another guy, who was going to all the parties and then he wanted to become this geek and thought he will write a book.. and guess what? We party kinds don’t like such serious ones… So, out he went.”

“Who you talking about”, I enquired?

“Well, he has just the right name – JustWent Singh”

“Oh you mean Jaswant Singh”. I clarified.

‘Yeah yeah same dude. Now he is done with the book .. and no one bought it.. so he wants to get back to the party circuit. But he forgot.. he “Just Went”.. so how does he “Back in”? So he wants another state to get back to parties.”

“Hmm that makes sense, when your name and deeds sound so similar huh?” I murmured.

“So you see if you want your own private parties… get a state of your own. There are enough that one can get in India. That loser guy really showed me the masterpiece strategy.. I wanna lose weight anyways.. Right? Whaddya think?”

“But , you see Rahul.. don’t you think all of these are losers? I mean that loser from Andhra, Mayawati and the JustWent Singh? All are losers! Rahul, only losers seem to be getting states, dude!” I tried to explain.

“Ohhhh… you think so? Damn!” he was crestfallen.

But he quickly recovered.. with a sparkle in his eyes…

“But, man.. hey it aint about losing or winning … its about the free booze sponsored by suckers like YOU! That’s what makes it really sweeeeet!! OOH YEAH!!” And he patted me on my back.

I didn’t know what to make of that gesture. Was he making fun or being friendly? You never know these party types!

Humour

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