– How to Kill a Lion: The Indian IT firms' way

Last updated on: December 13, 2005 at 6:59 pm by Desh Kapoor

– How to Kill a Lion: The Indian IT firms' way 2005-12-13T18:59:28-06:00 Desh Kapoor

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This is an email I just received.. really interesting.. there are some typos – but still it is worth reading!

Cognizant Method:
o hire a lion…
o ask him to stay for late nights but give him no work to do.
o give him gobi 65 to eat again and again.
o hire 100 more lions but do not increase the space to sit
o give them same gobi 65 to eat
o hire 200 more……. and more …….

TCS method:
o hire a lion
o give him hell a lot of work and pay him government salary
o lion dies of hunger and frustration

Kanbay Method:
o Hire a Cat; give him a salary of a Lion…
o Give him work of 3 Lions
o Tell him to work late and even on weekends…
o No time for food and family, automatically die

Infy method:
o hire a lion and ask him to meow like a cat ..
o he will die eventually of frustration…

IBM’s method:
o hire a lion, give him a pink slip in an hour …
o he dies of unemployment…

Syntel Method:-
o Hire a Cat …
o assure him that he will eventually become a Lion once he reaches onsite and make sure that he never reaches onsite.
o Cat dies in hope of becoming a Lion….

MBT method:
o hire the lion, make him take 14 tests and tell him that if he doesn’t score > 60% he will lose the job.
o lion dies of the strain?

i-Flex method:
o hire a lion???.oops cow, tell him he is a lion, send him in African safari for implementing flexcube in god forbidden territories, tell him if he comes alive he will get band movement (promotion)
o holy cow dies in fear of the real lion

COSL Method:
o hire a lion ..
o tell him to merge with Goats (polaris) and reduce his allowance…
o lion dies from fear that tommorrow he might become a goat….

Polaris Method :
o hire ..sorry….purchase a lion(COSL) …
o change his timings…(instead of 9 AM …change it to 8:30 AM )
o cut down his allowance (coupons etc)
o lion dies from fear of becoming CAT…..

Silverline Method:
o hire a lion, declare a scandal and dont pay him…
o he dies of hunger…

Quinnox method:
o hire the lion. either give him no work or ask for a premature delivery.
o Lion either dies of boredom or intense physical & mental activity…

Patni method:
o hire a lion, give him a salary of a cat…
o the lion dies before joining….

Nucsoft method:
o hire a lion,give him job of grass eating (IBBS Support)..
o the lion dies from lack of eating meat…

Satyam method:
o hire a lion, give him net access..
o no work..
o and deport him to Chennai centre…
o no water..
o no electricity..
o no hindi speaking ppl…
o lion dies in oblivion……

Wipro method:
o hire a lion…
o give him lots of work…
o transfer him to Wipro Lights division..
o lion dies due to Lightness…

Mastek method:
o hire a lion…
o ask him to align himself with anything and everything…
o ask him to fill complicated competency forms…
o differ increments and pay him salary of a cat…
o lion dies due to fear of getting mis-aligned or starvation…

Caritor Method:
o hire a lion…
o ask him to stay at work..
o give him vegetables to eat…
o hire 10 more lions
o give them vegetables to eat
o hire 20 more…….

India

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